Learning to except or always trying to change?

[Bear101]

When do we finally learn to except ourselves for who we are?

What if I will always be a size16? That’s just the way I am supposed to be? I have tried for 5 months now to try and get down to a size 14 but nothing seems to be working. Or am I just not trying hard enough?

My problem is I like food, I don’t want to eat the same thing every day and it be bland, boring and look disgusting.

I love cooking a variety of dinner for the week for my kids and husband so they don’t get board of their evening meals. My husband works long hours and works really hard, sometimes not eating until his evening meal so I like to make sure it is filling and tasty.

I don’t want to join a slimming group because I think it’s a waste of money to go and get weighed every week and then have to justify why you put on 1lb this week or only lost 1lb this week.

I am part of a boot camp group who is run by a personal trainer and we work out 3x a week. I have often messaged him to chat and he post things on instagram and Facebook about food and motivation. I see his clients and their transformation and think ‘wow, I wish I could do that and why is that not happening to me’. But I know the answer. It’s because I like food. I took photos of myself back in January and then again in April, May and today. I can see a very small change. I am fitter than I was. I can do a full sit up with a 10k weight. I can hold a side plank for 20 seconds. I can jog for 10 mins and not feel like I’m going to die. I have given up smoking. I have found out that if i eat white bread, pastry pizza etc I get yummy ache so I think I am a little wheat intolerant.

If I was just a size 14 would I be happy with my body or would I want them to be a size 12?

When will I accept who I am or will I ever??

[BridgeGirl Administrator 2 stone]

Hello Bear101 .

Good question: will we always be dissatisfied and chasing just one more kilo, or half stone or dress size? Who says what's the "right" size for you, me or anyone else?

Over my time here, my thinking has definitely shifted. I arrived obese and I knew I wanted to change that. I couldn't remember when I'd been a stone less than my start weight, so I would have been happy to lose that much and keep it off. As I lost weight, not quickly but steadily, I started seeing things in a different way. I realised I liked the sense of control I had over what I ate, making decisions, making choices, not being driven by urges for "treats" or eating mindlessly whatever was to hand.

I started trying new foods and new recipes, including ones I would have said I "don't like". I started shedding old habits and routines (not entirely, still a work in progress). I found new ways of eating that I enjoy, and don't make me feel deprived. And eventually I realised that this way of eating suited me so I have no interest in reverting to my old habits. I see no reason why I wouldn't eat like this for good, so losing weight becomes a by-product and eating and living healthily becomes the goal. I don't have a target weight or size. I'll just carry on because I enjoy it and see what happens.

I definitely haven't got it all sorted - as I say, a work in progress - but I do believe that, if I treat it right, my body will find its own weight level.

You've done brilliant things, improving your fitness and, best of all, giving up smoking. It's good to hear you love food and cooking, that's how it should be, and sharing meals with your family. Maybe you're eating bigger portions than you need of your lovely meals, out of habit. Maybe your body's telling you it would like fewer carbs generally. Maybe you have a habit of eating between meals that you could work on. Or maybe you'll be happy as things are. I hope you can work it out to your satisfaction

[lucigret in reply to BridgeGirl]

Lovely reply 🙂

[Gofitgirl in reply to BridgeGirl]

You are an inspiration, BridgeGirl. Great reply

[S11m]

If you are fitter (and you have not put on weight), you must have lost fat... and it is more important to be fit than light.

If you do have higher than normal muscle percentage, the NHS BMI recommendations may not be appropriate.

Wheat/gluten intolerance can cause bloating/distended abdomen, and increased gut-fill, and, consequently increased weight.

[119goal]

You can change your focus. Your goal could be an exercise one instead of the dress size. I love food as well. What about making small changes like not eating after 8 or eating vegetarian meals for 2 days a week. Try different healthy recipes. Think of one good thing about yourself every day. You can change your mindset.

[Wobbleless]

Hmm....I maybe wrong but you seem a little angry and resentful of the restrictions you feel you have around food? You describe your food as not wanting to be bland...boring...disgusting. Not wanting to go to a slimming class as it would be a waste. It feels like you have an internal battle going on.....one voice that craves to be a size smaller and one that says you are happy where you are. Sometimes our self esteem is the problem if you are hard on yourself generally i t would be scary to get to that size 14 and still not be the person you would be content with. So we find ways of not arriving at that place....if that makes sense. You have done so well celebrate your achievements and try to soften that voice that says it's still not good enough.....you are good enough as you are now......you can choose where you go from here. Good luck.

[Bear101]

Thank you for all your comments and input.

Wobbleless I do feel angry at the restrictions I have to have around food, I often think 'Why can I not eat that and still loose the weight?'

But I know why and excepting that is hard.

I have to make a decision - loose the weight and change my attitude towards food or keep the way I am and learn to except it.

[rachyjones 7lbs]

Good luck clarewood, you're obviously a driven, successful woman and a fighter. You will achieve a sense of inner peace in time and you'll be super fit as well.

[Lesley1234567]

Hi Clare wood, has it occurred to you others may be looking at you and wish they could be like you. You have done brilliantly and I would say your figure in a size 16 dress will look much better than on a not so toned size 16. Enjoy what you have achieved and rather than making drastic cuts to the food you enjoy eating, begin exploring different foods for all the family. Use healthy fats in your cooking I am only just beginning to learn that low fat (which is dire to eat) is not as good as it is portrayed. Now I use all healthy fats, and reduced my carb intake. I find by adding a knob of butter and pepper to my cabbage takes it up to another level and the same with cauliflower. I enjoy my veg more and I don’t have potatoes, instead of chips I sweet potato chips, and they are very nice too. Moreorless, who is one of the administrators put a link on for me about carbs and healthy fats. I found it far more helpful than any slimming club. Although I appreciate a lot of people do benefit from them.

Also explore the recipes on this site. Our bodies are not an exact science we are all different, be happy and enjoy.