Hello! I have finally arrived - lovely to meet you all Today I decided it was time to get off my high horse and start making a change.
So here is the start of my weight loss journey. I'm fat.... Not just fat but actually clinically obese. But I'm tired of labels. Last week I learned that I emotionally abuse myself..... Would not accept that from anyone else but I'm my own worst critic. So why now? Well lots of reasons led to this.
Last week I could not fit into my ppe trousers (sexy orange hi vis trousers) which are Size 18. I've kidded myself in the past telling everyone who would listen that ppe is not designed for normal people as it's made in China. I no longer have that excuse as I'm the only one it doesn't fit and it's UK made. I was so ashamed on Friday that I had a bar of chocolate and a box of Jaffa cakes - you will sense a pattern as you get to know me. And my wonderful husband (OH) stopped smoking last week... That's his addiction, mine is food.
So if he is going to do that for the sake of his health then I need to make an effort too
For a long time I've pretended that I eat the same as everyone else. But the reality is like a true addict I've lied over and over, to myself and others about how much I've eaten. And as for exercise, I always find an excuse.
So this weekend I read a motivational book (I know I know but it actually works) and decided to get my lardy arse into gear.
So where I start..... I'm Irish but live in London. I have always been a "big girl" my mother tells me. She also said that I was fat because I eat lots of white bread (switched to seeded but to no avail - still fat - Mammy is not always right). I'm 44 and I'm 17 stone!!!! 108 kgs!!!!! This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I'm so ashamed of myself. I feel disgusted when I look at myself. It's killing my confidence, nothing fits and our sex life is suffering because of how I feel.
The OH constantly tells me how beautiful I am and sexy..... But he's enabling the fat girl inside me to bury her head in the sand and pretend that it's not an issue as he loves me.
Today I started the couch to 5k journey (thanks Michael Johnson for the free voice in my ear). And I only did 3 out of the 7 minutes. And on the final walk I was already making plans to tell everyone that I did it (and not mention the times I just physically could not run). But if this change is to be successful then it needs total honesty. Firstly with myself, and then with others.
So here it is. I'm 17 stone. I'm obese. I cannot run for even 7 minutes. I don't like how I look. I love to procrastinate. I make excuses for who I am and how I look. I am a secret eater. I spend a lot on crap and hide it from the OH.
But today is the day this changes. Today I start to love myself. And today I am going to succeed!!!!
Written by
Irishbird30
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Hello Irishbird30 and welcome to the Weight Loss Forum
Very well done on taking that first, most important step towards a new fitter and healthier you 😀 You are right about honesty, and about facing facts about what you eat and why, but Please don't feel ashamed or disgusted. I also agree with your husband, he says you are sexy and beautiful so don't try to tell him what to think!! My hubby is the same, but happy that I am fitter and healthier as he will have me around for a little longer!
Good luck with the c25k, I thought you started out walking mostly and gradually building up the running? Don't underestimate the health benefits of walking untill you are more used to the running.😀
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I think you're right, you need to love yourself. You are worth being happy and healthy! And while that does include weight loss, it's not the whole of being healthy. You get to explore all new healthy foods and recipes and learn what sorts of activities you enjoy. You've got lots of new things ahead of you to try and enjoy! I have to say that I love it when the scales drop, but I also love that I can now swim a mile without it killing me! When I first started in the pool I was gasping before the end of the first length of the pool, but I kept at it and made great strides. That is just as motivating for me as a smaller number on the scale.
Don't get me wrong, it will be difficult sometimes. It is for all of us (I definitely have wobbles, sometimes massive ones!). But we're all human and so not perfect.
I remember my first post and now 6 months on...3 and a half stone lighter I realised I was not fat .... I HAD fat and just got rid of it. I've got another stone to go but the real me is emerging. You will have hurdles along the way, sabbotagers and bad days but hold tight because this forum will help change your life.
Never diet again, change your lifestyle, eat real food and ditch the junk. Everyone here is friendly and supportive and the more you put in the more you get out.
Tackle the fat in small chunks, say half a stone then a stone and by Christmas you'll be 12 something and you'll feel absolutely amazing, I'm sure of it.
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Today I decided it was time to get off my high horse and start making a change. 
When I first started in the pool I was gasping before the end of the first length of the pool, but I kept at it and made great strides. That is just as motivating for me as a smaller number on the scale.
Worst week of my life 
Good day and my blog..
Weight loss and better body program day 1
Has anyone seen my motivation?
