i had a gastric bypass done 5 years ago, i had tried so many diets and it seemed the only choice left, the weight came off.

[w1llow]

and after 12 months i has lost 9 stone. i thought i was happy, i could buy nice clothes, i enjoyed the attention. so what went wrong? i have put the weight back on, and feel such a failure. the hospital that did the op lost their funding so i dont have access to dietary problems. how can i work out how many calories i actually need, so i know how many calories to cut back on. please help i need alot of support or a diet buddy, my self worth is very low at the moment

[Penel]

The type of food you eat is as important as the amount of calories. You need to cut out 'white' foods, like white bread, cereals and sugar. This link has some useful advice, but you do not need the amount of protein recommended.

authoritynutrition.com/12-b...

Good luck with your weight loss.

[w1llow in reply to Penel]

thankyou for helping, i will look on the link you sent me, sugar is my biggest problem, if some thing bad happens i reach for the biscuits or choc, i know i am self sabotaging, i just dont understand why :0((( xx

[Penel in reply to w1llow]

Sugar can be addictive, I know it took me several goes to give it up. Perhaps you could try very dark chocolate, as just a little can be satisfying. Don't keep biscuits in the house! If you reach for sugar when stressed you might benefit from taking some vitamin B complex.

Perhaps have a look for some advice on line for beating your sugar cravings. Like Concerned I have found that having some fat has helped me fight the sugar.

Good luck.

[w1llow in reply to Penel]

thankyou, i will try dark choc, unfortunately i have a husband that keeps buying things he knows i cant resisit. i know its easy to say i dont have to eat it, but he knows how to make me feel worthless and bring me down, then i eat it :0((((

[Penel in reply to w1llow]

I'm sorry to hear that. It's difficult to know what to do when you are sabotaged like this. Have you asked him why he doesn't want you to lose weight?

[w1llow in reply to Penel]

he doesnt like other men looking at me, he also has to feel needed, and while im obese i have to rely on him for help with things

[Penel in reply to w1llow]

You cannot be held responsible for another person's feelings.

If you need any advice, this may be a useful link.

womensaid.org.uk

Good luck.

[w1llow in reply to Penel]

thankyou, dont feel strong enough yet

[Prin]

Only YOU can take control long term, I assume you can eat normal food and amounts now? You could start with a couple of small changes involving lower calorie options, and what about exercise ? It won't help you loose mega pounds but if you can't drop a treat it may allow you fit it in without weight gain. Sadly I have discovered like alcoholics we are not cured, just recovering, I had dieted twice before this each time regaining half the weight I had lost, this time my eye is on the ball and I weigh in weekly at this site, Good Luck!

[w1llow in reply to Prin]

i have tried to keep a calorie count so i can reduce the amount, some days i have 1600, others i have 2000. i know its the sugary stuff i need to cut out, but that for me is the hardest. thankyou for your help xx

[Prin in reply to w1llow]

I eat more liberally at the weekends, and only have bread then, can you try cutting out on some days? Your sugar and chocs that is? On other days choose lower calorie options, caramel rice cakes 40 cal, sugar free jelly 20 cal and have the real deal on selected days weekends I have a kit kat at 107 cals or half a twix good luck YOU CAN DO IT!

[w1llow in reply to Prin]

on good days i can manage to cut the bad things out, but if i have a bad day, it all goes out the window. i am annoyed with myself for doing it, then it becomes a vicious circle

[Prin in reply to w1llow]

I so desperately want you to succeed, if it is true about your husband, you really need to think about your relationship, I am a wedding registrar and bit from one of the readings came to mind

"If you can be as one

And walk through marriage hand in hand,

Yet still support the goals and dreams

That each of you have planned.

If you can dare to always go

Your separate ways together,

Then all the wonder of today

Will stay with you forever. "

Either he as misunderstood the situation and needs a good talking to by you or someone else or as you say he does it to make you feel worthless do you really want to stay with someone who sabotages your dreams and plans?

[w1llow in reply to Prin]

i dont want to be with him any more, but he has knocked all my self confidence out of me. when i tell him i want him to go, he says he does it because he loves me and that should mean something. and how can i hate him so much, i dont hate him, my feelings have changed and he wont accept that (sorry to unload all this on you) x

[Prin in reply to w1llow]

Please take a look at the link from Penel abuse takes many forms, you are strong and independentand deserve to be treated with respect, good luck

[Christine18]

Download the app MY FITNESS PAL & that will allow you to monitor everything you eat.

Record EVERYTHING you eat & you will soon see where the calories are. It also tells you the percentage of fat etc that you are consuming.

Good luck & you know that you CAN do it again. This is just a blip & you will get back on track.

[w1llow in reply to Christine18]

thankyou christine 18, i need to be more mindful of what im eating, i try to write it all down, but sometimes i think well no one will know if i have a couple of biscuits. i know i am sabotaging my weight loss i just dont understand why :0((( xx

[w1llow]

dear concerned thankyou for your advice it made a lot of sense, my biggest problem is my biscuit and chocolate cravings for days when i just comfort eat, i know i have to cut these out, but i think that is going to be the hardest, a carrot doesnt work when you need a sugar rush lol xx

[Suelor]

Your post was so like my own story I felt I had to reply. I had a gastric bypass some 16years ago. I lost about 8stone and kept most of it off for a few years but then it gradually went back on. I never came to terms with why I gained so much weight in the first place. Like you I comfort eat. I am now as heavy as I used to be but desperately want/need to lose at least some of the weight again. I logged on to this site a while ago convincing myself I would make a proper effort to control my eating but I never really got going. Maybe we can encourage/support each other somehow.

[w1llow in reply to Suelor]

that would be great if we could help each other. its only people with weight problems that truly understand that we are not stupid people, thin people are very good at saying well dont eat it then, they dont understand it is like smoking or drinking , food becomes an addiction, instead of drinking or smoking we get our 'fix' from food. i originally put the weight on because i was abused as a child, it was something to hide behind, if i was fat it wouldnt/didnt happen. i was elated when i lost the weight after the stomach bypass, but i guess at some point the insecurity reared its head and if i put weight on, i thought i can easily get that back off but i didnt, and more and more piled on. i feel such a failure, i need to get this weight off and accept i am safer now

[Penel in reply to w1llow]

Are you able to discuss your problems with anyone? Would your doctor be able to advise you?

[Suelor in reply to w1llow]

Hi W1llow

I was sorry to read about this. You are right, food can be as bad as a drug but it is a drug we can't totally do without and we have to face it every day. And it is amazing the things we can convince ourselves of, such as that extra weight will protect us somehow from a huge variety of things but all it usually does is cause us to hide away from living a full life.

I have tried many diets and have succeeded for a while and then given up. Now I am trying to be kind to myself. I am not cutting out anything, I am just trying to reduce the amounts that I eat. I am also identifying the times that I eat when I am not hungry, the habits I have got into, such as eating when I am on my own in the car. I keep a check on the number of journeys I do without eating and when I reach a set number I reward myself with something like a manicure or a hairdo. I am not pretending I have got it all worked out, but it is a start.

I am thinking about you and hope you will keep in touch.

[w1llow in reply to Suelor]

i think i need to keep a record of when and why i eat something. have i misread hunger for thirst, i know i dont drink 8 glasses of water a day, its a great idea treating yourself to something other than choc or cake, i will keep in touch with you, good luck x

[Sugarfreejules in reply to w1llow]

Hi can I recommend reading Sarah Wilson's book I' quit sugar.' It is a very enlightening book about how sugar rules our lives and how we can live without it. I quit sweeteners ten days ago and my Fibromyalgia pain has already reduced. Now for the sugar quitting. She takes a very down to earth approach. Amazon stock the book.

[w1llow in reply to Sugarfreejules]

Thankyou i will look it up, i hope you succeed quiting sugar too x