For as long as I can remember I’ve loved music, it fills my heart with joy. I love all types but especially house/dance music, I was a teenager during the early 90s when the scene exploded and became something fresh and new. In my early 20s I learned to DJ - all vinyl and I loved it, I became very good at it - I played out at Clubs, events, partys and me and few others ran a regular Friday night for years in the late 90s early 2000. Then one morning after playing out in Jan 2000 I woke up with T, it floored me, took me months to get over it and get back to normal- it in hindsight was minor T always there at night but masked in the day, I made my peace with it and accepted it. I learned though- wore plugs to gigs, only played small bars and private party’s, watched the volume, never pushed it or took risks. I even wore plugs in the cinema.
I played out less and less - got married (although played at my own wedding) had a son - climbed the career ladder, lived a good life but always surrounded by music, my wife loves it too as does my son.
Fast forward to more Recent times
I was live streaming DJ sets via Facebook all lockdown and got a pretty decent following and one of my DJ friends had his own radio show ,on a proper legitimate DAB station playing house music and he hounded me to come and play a guest set - I refused (he’s very talented and I was a big fan of the station and didn’t feel I was good enough) - he didn’t relent and after 6 months I agreed. It was incredible- a full professional studio, the latest kit (both digital and good old vinyl) I loved it - interacting with the Audience playing the music I loved and best of all, you could do it without playing loudly unlike playing out.
I came l back and did other guest slots, some of the other DJs invited me to guest on their shows and before I knew it I was offered a show of my own. It was the best thing ever … I had found my thing and it was brilliant!
Then unexpectedly my T kicked off but twice as loud, it took me a while to realise it because I was so used it but I started noticing it when i was out walking or working. I thought I’d take a break from the radio to see if it would settle down. I had a number of personal stresses including a Family bereavement and my mother being hospitalised with her mental health, my T got worse in addition to a feeling of fullness in both ears.
After a stressful couple of months my T started to settle, I was incredibly relieved, it wasn’t back to its old unobtrusive base level but it was so much improved. I was ready to go back to radio, and get back in the loop, I played a brilliant show (possibly my best) on the same day I had my first Covid jab towards the end of April, I had a dB Meter in the studio with me and I made sure that my levels were low.
I was really sick after my Jab for 3 days and around 5 days later my T went off the charts in both ears … absolutely screaming …. I grit my teeth through it but started having panic attacks, couldn’t sleep - was full of anxiety felt physically sick with it.
Went to the GP, was offered antidepressants, ENT referral - Took a few weeks for the antidepressants to kick in but they did help with the anxiety, I still couldn’t sleep so the GP gave me amitriptyline to help (which it did). ENT said eustachian tube dysfunction, I wasn’t buying that though and I got a referral to audiology.
My hearing test shows my hearing is pretty good apart from a little bit of loss at the higher Hz in my left ear - No pressure issues ( so not ETD) I’m now being referred to the Tinnitus team and having an MRI. (Awaiting both).
Currently I have jet engines in both ears - to mask it I have to have 50 to 60 dB - I’ve not been near the radio or my own home studio in months.
I’m shell of my former self, sad, full of anxiety, struggling to function, trying to keep it together for my family but crying to myself when I’m alone. It’s a terrible terrible affliction, invisible to all but the victim. I understand what the people on this forum are going through, I feel like I’ve lost my life and the music I love so so much. I’ve got my 2nd jab in a few weeks and I’m terrified - not even sure I can go through with it.
Reading positive stuff on this forum helps a lot - I’ve read Everything I can on the BTA website, I’m going to try meditation and see if I can get a course of CBT. I’ve got to beat this condition, I’ve got to find myself and the music again.
Sorry about the epic post - it’s therapy.
Written by
Allgie
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Wow Allgie what a story , I feel for you . You really are trying so hard in your life , don’t ever give up your get yourself back on keel again soon.As you well know lots of us are suffering horrendously and braving the storm , as you know your not alone. . Good luck and goodnight.
Hello Allgie - you’ve read everything you can about this so you know as much about it as anyone. So you know there’s a sympathetic audience out here wishing you well. In my case my T is so loud that I can hear it over the noise of a car on a busy motorway at 60 mph - BUT if I’m out for a walk in the open air I don’t hear it because I can hear the birds, the wind, the rain …. I’ve habituated and so will you. Have faith!
Thank you for sharing your story Allgie. I must admit I shed a few tears at the end. Then I remembered .. It's not the end of your story. It's just the beginning. We're all on a journey - from the darkness of the early days into the light of better days. Our brains are wonderful things. They can adjust & adapt in ways we can't imagine. I believe you'll enjoy your music again one day. As Penny says - You're not alone. As Rosie says - Keep the faith.
No worries Allgie. It helped you to write it and it helped me to read it. Every story is a reminder of what we suffer and of what we overcome. Every tear shed is part of the of the process of recovery. Tinnitus won't defeat you - or me.
Hi Allgie, DJ's and the dreaded T are all to common I'm told. Interesting story though and I reckon you will be back one day doing what your passionate about and love. Personally, after my vaccine T didn't spike, it did after I actually got covid last year although settled down after a few weeks.
The way I see it with your story, is you habituated back then and you will habituate this time with what might be louder T than before, but we don't actually know this though do we? its not a given your ears are going to be ringing their head this loud off for ever? Its well known stress and anxiety feed tinnitus causing that circle of despair . If you look at the recent past events in your life and the stress with everything and this Covid nonsense, vaccines etc etc and perhaps exposing your ears to the banging house might have just tipped you over for now.....perhaps not forever! Stress and anxiety and the manic pace and pressure I put myself made it horrendous, a life of listening to loud music through headphones and noisy 2 stroke engines it floored me to, depression, crying weight loss as I just couldn't see how something this loud I could habituate with and live a happy life. I tried CBT and it worked, signed up to the online Tinnitus e program and got a lot out of it. just my take on things might not work for everyone but you have been here before and you will get through this again. Give your ears a break for a while maybe, music will still be there and you will be back on the decks before you know it!
Thank you so much - I'm willing to take as much time as it takes, a life without music is no life for me, as you say im not a new comer to T (21 years) but this new level is something else. I am still in a period of extreme stress (with matters in addition to the T) - I have no doubt this is feeding the beast in my ears.
Hi Allgie. I've have had very loud high pitched ringing in both ears for 6 years but had learned to deal with it until I had my first Astra Zeneca jab in March. Like you, mine spiked about 5 days late and has not improved. I cancelled mu second jab as was so worried about it getting even louder. I spoke to my GP who prescribed Diazepam to take an hour before and 6 hours after having the second jab to reduce anxiety and stress. I decided one day to risk it as cases were increasing in my area. I took the diazepam 5mg, had the jab, took another 6 hours later and 2 weeks on I have had no symptoms and no increase in my Tinnitus. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I feel for you! Music has been such a part of my life, from my first gigs in the 80s, clubbing in the 90s and 2000s then gigs again. Come lockdown and a panic attack as the T rears its ugly head and had been here since though I've acclimatised. Now things are opening up and friends buying tickets for gigs and me foregoing them all! Its tough for sure. Not just missing the music but also the experience with friends. Some day I may try an open air festival rather than the underground tiny venues I preferred!
As long as you take good plugs with you it should be fine, especially outdoors, I've always used Alpine or Earpeace plugs - i carry a set on my keys where ever I go.
Hi AllgieThank you for sharing your story in such an engaging and heartfelt way. I too was a dj for over forty years - started at Uni when I was 18 and only eventually retired at the grand old age of 64! My audience grew older with me! I was a part-time dj, enjoying a successful career in education. T hit me one night about 9 years ago - simply woke up at 7.00 a.m. and there it was. I tried to simply carry on - but after a couple of weeks it really affected my mental health. I was previously always upbeat - but for four months I was so sad and depressed about the non-stop hissing sounds in my ears. I stopped djing and went off sick from education. With strong encouragement from colleagues (and family) I went back to both my jobs (which I loved), this actually helped. However, I was very mindful about the volume level when djing! But going back was the best thing as it took my mind off the T. I had my life back! My local NHS audiology also helped by identifying a dip in my hearing on higher frequencies - no doubt caused by my 40 years djing - and prescibing carefully adjusted hearing aids to bring back those frequencies and a white noise sound machine for use at night.
I have had a couple of nasty spikes in the past years, brought on whenever I have been prescribed different anti-biotics for infections. No more anti-biotics for me! I'm ok with penicillin. Thankfully the Covid jab has not affected me.
Stay strong Allgie. Do things you enjoy to try to distract your mind from the T. Having white noise at night helped me - I don't need it currently, but I know the machine is there ready if I can't sleep. Walk, walk and walk outdoors during the day to ensure your body is tired at bedtime. Breathe deeply through your nose, fill those lungs and exhale slowly through your mouth to relax your body. Share how you feel on this forum - you will have support from those who in someway identify with your fears, worries and upset. Don't let T win - you are stronger, Allgie. Best wishes.
Thank you so much, lovely to hear from a fellow DJ and music lover. I sincerely hope to go back to radio one day, I don’t feel ready at the moment but I hope one day I’ll get past this.
You will get past this Allgie. Thank you for reading my reply. It is difficult, it is draining, it is worrying - but be strong and keep trying to distract your mind from the T. You may only be distracted initially for a minute or two, but as time goes on you will be able to distract your mind for longer and longer. As you said in your initial post, writing has been somewhat cathartic - you will find other outlets which help. Give yourself time and it will slowly improve. Keep strong and keep sharing your worries, fears and successes here - you will find support.
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