I have had a rough year dealing with 2 deaths: the death of my husband's boss and his best friend, who also was a friend of the family. He passed unexpectedly in April. I recently, as in this past week, found out that my very dear friend, and surrogate mother, passed away five years ago. I am now mourning her loss after having lost contact with her because she came down with Alzheimers and the news of her wellbeing was kept mum from me from her little shit of a son, who is in this 50's, but has always been a little shit, in my opinion (I've known him since he was in High School.)
Since April, I cannot seem to motivate myself to do anything that I used to enjoy. I'm especially burned out on the work that I do: Event Security for most of the concert venues in and around Nashville, TN, USA. I'm tired of Pop Culture. I'm tired of today's music acts. I'm tired of the fans. I'm tired of commuting in traffic to get to the venues.
I also cannot seem to bother to clean my house except for when no one is at home. I live with my husband and my son, who is currently looking for another job, but is home when I'm at home.
I'm 66. I have Hashi's/Hypo since 13 years ago. I'm on 75 mgs of Armour (I think that I need a higher dose, but alas, the NP at the Endocrinologist's office wants me on this dose so that my TSH is not suppressed.) I just don't have any motivation and stay at home watching/reading useless content on my laptop. I don't even find comfort in going to weekly church, or reading scripture, or praying.
I've been eating comfort foods: pizza, ice cream, pastas, desserts and have put on 10 lbs. with the thinking that dying from a heart attack would come as a relief from this pit that I'm in. My brain feels like it's being squeezed between a vice. I'm on anti-depressants (the highest dose allowed) and a Benzodiazepine. I cannot bring myself to exercise as I'm sleepy all of the time.
Would a healthy diet, weight loss, and exercise bring me out of the doldrums? I've done lots of talk therapy since my 20's. It's only relieves the situation until I go into another depression. Thanks for listening.