What To Say To Social Invites, When you Feel So Unwell...

[TappedOut]

Hi All,

I have a question, of course thyroid related but social in context, if I may:

Met someone who seems ok/nice. He invited me to go out/restaurant/etc. twice. I got out of the first offer, but the second offer was for a few days from now, and I want to think of a way to decline without seeming rude or disinterested.

The problem is, I'm recently diagnosed, so I'm still going through many significant symptoms. He met me at my job, where of course, to a stranger I look "ok", well even. I didn't feel well when he met me, but he wouldn't know that. But I have significant swelling, hair loss/thin, unbelievable fatigue, thyroid blood sugar issues, pain, and can't even drive, all of my clothes and shoes are too tight, and I haven't been eating in restaurants due to irregular blood sugars/diet restrictions.

However, I don't want to share all of that personal information with an essential stranger, yet I don't want to appear rude, or disinterested in his pursuit. I just can't do anything these days besides work and sleep. I'm even lying down to type this because the foot swelling is now painful.

How would you, or would you, handle this? Any word from you, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you all for your time; feel free to private message me if you prefer. Thank you so much.

❤️TappedOut

[Nanaedake]

I would just say you are delighted at his invitation but your doctor has told you that you need 4 weeks rest and of course, you have to go into work but must take the docs advice and reduce your activity for 4 weeks and could you plan a date for after the 4 weeks?

[TappedOut in reply to Nanaedake]

thank you. That's diplomatic...I could say that. 🤔 Just I won't add a deadline. ☺️

[Nanaedake]

Another option.... 'I have a friend who's really unwell at the moment and I need to be there for her in the evenings, her doc's told her it'll be 4 weeks until she's back on her feet so could we book for after that?' Of course the friend happens to be you but does he need to know that?

[MrsDG in reply to Nanaedake]

I don't think you should lie to the man. Just explain that you're not too well at the moment and get very tired. Perhaps you could just meet briefly for coffee at the weekend (or mineral water if you can't drink coffee) It can sometimes do you good to socialise on a gentle level because the brain is an amazing thing, it can take your mind off how awful you are feeling if you've got something else to think about. If he really likes you he will understand. Good luck.

[TappedOut in reply to MrsDG]

That's true....very true. I think that's a good idea (I am also battling discomfort bc I don't look like myself, the swelling makes me so self conscious), BUT I hear what you're saying. I will.... thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you.

[MrsDG in reply to TappedOut]

Let us all know how you get on. You may give hope to others when they are feeling down.

[Nanaedake]

Or... whacky, 'I'm assisting with a video diary and podcast to inform people about thyroid conditions and I have a deadline to meet so I'm tied up in the evenings for a few weeks, could we schedule after that?

[TappedOut in reply to Nanaedake]

🙊🙊🙊. Those are good!! Thank you. I know it sounds silly, my concern, but I'm just anxious about things like that. I feel like I may never be functioning optimally again.

It's been 9 months and I'm still struggling...so I'd hate to or a date/deadline with someone, the day comes and I'm still unwell, then look flaky or disinterested. But like I said, I don't think a stranger should get allllll that info. 🙊

It seems I've met people who were put on thyroid meds, and two weeks later they felt normal again!! It's really frustrating. I'm only on 3/4grain now after months of research and finding then stopping doc, finding another....so hopefully I'll be better soon. This is he longest I've been on any thyroid med, so I hope this one works.

Thank you for your good spirit. I appreciate you. If I may ask, when you first started, about how long did it take for you to feel better?

[Nanaedake in reply to TappedOut]

My condition was a little different as I had thyroid cancer and a thyroidectomy and then went immediately onto a high dose of levothyroxine but it's taken me a long time to learn how to manage this condition of living without a thyroid. In the meantime I've had spells of feeling well and spells of feeling unwell. Ups and downs and difficulties with my social life, working life and family life. It's been challenging but I didn't have this forum to help until latterly.

The things that have helped me have been sticking with one a levothroxine that suits me although I've not always been able to do this. Optimising my vitamins, going onto a low carb, high fat diet. Getting lots of rest and sticking to a strict bedtime. Cutting out all the clutter in my life, like things I don't need to do and people who are unhelpful. I'm still working on getting my family to adjust to the different me.

If you can, get your vitamins levels tested. B12, folate, ferritin and vitamin D as we are often deficient and won't feel well until these are optimal. If you get the results post them here as people can then give suggestions. Your thyroxin will work better if vitamins are optimal. Do you have autoimmune thyroiditis? Have you got results of antibodies tests? Check your blood test results to see if they have done TPO and TgAb or thyroid peroxidase and thyroglobulin antibodies and let us know.

[TappedOut in reply to Nanaedake]

Awww thank you so much. Yes, I have TPOab, but it's not very high; high enough that I was diagnosed with Hashimotos/subclinical hypoT. Under my profile, my labs are there and that's what I used to intro into this forum; which had been soooo helpful.

I think of people, like yourself, who didn't have this source and had to go it alone. I appreciate you and everyone for being here and helping total strangers. It's overwhelmingly selfless and I admire so many people I've "met"....

Right now I'm on Nature Throid. Just got titrated up (in recently diagnosed so I'm new to all this and dose is still low), to 3/4grain. So I will have labs in about three weeks and I will be sure to post as those will be my first after being on meds for several weeks.

Thank you so much for your word, and if I can ever be an ear, please feel free, anytime, to message me.

TappedOut

[Rapunzel]

I have to tell people I don't have enough spoons butyoudontlooksick.com/arti...

all too often I'm afraid. They understand and love me for it - or I'm not going to see so much of them. Or both. You can't dance to the beat of everyone's drum; your own beat has to be listened to first and those around you who are worthwhile will understand that. I'm constantly on the quest for more spoons and sometimes take it easy if I know I'll have to save up many, to see me through a busy time. Doesn't always work but life ain't perfect

🤗

[TappedOut in reply to Rapunzel]

So true so true. Since I was 5 yrs d I've had Type 1 diabetes, and there, you may fall ill for maybe 4 days and then recover, but this....whew!! MONTHS! But you're so right, the rule is the same regardless of the disease: if someone is kind theyll recognize my sincerity and they'll understand. I've lost friends who grew tired of asking me to travel or do things, not many, but still. And if bothered me so, over the years, I became anxious about dating or friendships even, bc I didn't want to have to disclose personal info, but felt if I didn't I'd appear fickle. But I understand what you're saying - real people will understand.

Thank you so much. PS, I visited your website a few weeks back!!! It's awesome!!!!!!

[TappedOut in reply to Rapunzel]

Rapunzel what a beautiful story- the spoon theory. I just read it. That's so special. Thank you for sharing that...I hope others will see that link and read that. I will print that out and put it on my desk. thank you so much.

❤️❤️❤️

[Hidden]

My partner tells people I'm "anti-social", then leaves me to explain when there's the awkward silence that follows 🙄 Anything has got to be better than that as far as "creative" explanations go! Like I'm locked in the laboratory conducting experiments on my own body or something?!

[TappedOut in reply to Hidden]

Hahaa!! I love it!! I'm in the lab!! 🙊🤣 awww, thank you. I've been heavily bothered by this, but the responses have made me smile. For sure! Thank you Rusty64! Cause it does feel like I've been in a lab for nearly a year straight (if I'm not at my real job, I'm asleep or online researching meds, symptoms, labs, reading books, making notes, comparing my notes....)

❤️🙌🏾🤣

[Hidden in reply to TappedOut]

Ditto. So ditto. To anyone on the outside we can look like hypochondriacs (or loner, obsessive health nuts) - take your pick! Glad to help with a laugh at least ☺️

[TappedOut in reply to Hidden]

True that! 😊