So my blood test results for my thyroid and my iron levels came back borderline and normal. Still feel so rubbish. I'm actually at the point in my life now where I just want to give up and end it all. Haven't had any real energy since I was 15. Never had my thyroid levels tested until 2014 but by then it was too late to really salvage my thyroid, just have to stick to medication for the rest of my days which isn't an issue. My major concern is that I'm 22 years old, I get accused of being lazy all the time which I'm not.!
I started working from the age of 16-20. But it all got too much for me ,I ended up falling asleep a lot in work and I got the sack because my job was working around fork lift trucks. I get no support from my parents whatsoever they just tell me to get over it and stop faking it all the time. I can barely breathe some days, my weight is up and down like a yoyo. Levothyroxine makes me physically sick, I can't keep food down, I'm barely hungry these days but when I do eat I instantly regret it because I can barely keep food down, I'm always getting the urge to have a nap during the day, sometimes I can just about resist the urge but other days I can't help myself. There will be some days where I'll be so exhausted but unable to rest, when I do finally fall asleep I'm having a lot of nightmares. I was recently put back on propranolol 10mg to take as and when I need them to control my anxiety. I had a really tough time with anxiety and depression when I was 17/18 had some help from a friend to try get through it. But now I'm falling back into this slump. I was also diagnosed with psychosis aged 21 and had to see an occupational therapist every week and take different tablets. I had an episode which made me feel like everyone was out to kill me, I stopped seeing my therapist, I was slowly starving myself because I thought people had poisoned my food, during these episodes they were using a lot of energy that I just didn't have. I'd be too weak to walk, I still am some days if truth be told.
My stomach constantly hurts so I'm having to take one lansoprazole a day (minimum) I don't know what to do. I've tried speaking to several different Dr's at my local practice and they all just fob me off with one excuse or another. I had an MRI done a few weeks ago due to mysterious swelling in my throat, the hospital never sent my GP the results she just said I shall be sent back to the hospital for an ultrasound to find out what's wrong.
The NHS have failed me and many people over the years. How do you cope with living in a world where people think you're a liar when you tell them you're genuinely too ill to think of returning back to work right now. I don't want to look back in the next 10 years and still be in this rotten situation. I have plans for my future, I want to go into university, do something with my life that I can be proud of. Not wake up every day look at myself in the mirror and say "Oh, so I'm still alive then" :/ constant body aches, feeling cold all the time even in the summer time I'm having to burn wood on the fire because it feels so unbelievably cold 97% of the time. I'm experiencing chronic itching (especially on a night). It's like someone is constantly stabbing me with a needle. It gets so bad that I want to get a knife and just peel away all my skin (very graphic I know, I'm sorry but that's how it genuinely feels) I've tried antihistamines but they just masked the problem they didn't eradicate the issue so I'm at a loss with that one as well, I'm convinced it's interlinked with my hypothyroidism but nobody ever seems to listen.
My throat feels sore all the time, I'm having to constantly clear my throat so I can actually speak without sounding like a monster that just climbed out of the sewers.
I'm trying loads of crazy diets to help myself. I've cut off the drink and I don't really have a cigarette anymore but it just seems that no matter what I do life always kicks me back down and leaves me with even more health issues. If I can't get these issues resolved I really do think I'm going to throw in the towel. Call it a day with life. I don't find this selfish, I can't live a life that is slowly killing me and to force myself to go through it any longer would just be madness. I'm not looking for judgement from people, I've always tried to be a placid person just let people get on with their lives and offer advice when I'm asked for it. It just seems that the somewhat nice/decent people end up with some form of health issue. I'm in desperate need of help... The Drs never listen and don't know where to begin with the NHS anymore. I feel like I'm slowly descending back into madness.