hey everyone. i am sorry if this is going to be a long or unhappy post, but i just need someone to talk to me.
so quickly about me. i am a 23 y old girl, recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism. i am literally going through hell. i moved to the UK 8 months ago, and worked my ass off, usually 10-14 hours almost every day. then my private life started to become really stressful, and i knew something was very wrong. so last month i went to a GP.
at this moment i am waiting for my second blood test's result, as the first one had so very high TSH levels that my doctor couldn't believe it so i had to repeat it, so i am not yet on any kind of medication.
right now i am feeling like a zombie. sometimes i just wish all this would finally stop. i lost my old life. i had to quit my job, basically i am just sitting home and waiting for something to happen. but it's getting worse literally every minute. now i cannot walk more than 20 minutes without loosing my breath, or without that horrible burning felling in my legs. i can't walk up a set of stairs without breathing like my pregnant elephant.. i cant spend a day in the park as before because i am just miserable. i lost my happiness, i used to love cooking, now i practically don't even go into the kitchen, and i don't find joy in cooking or eating anything and i never feel hungry. i used to go to the gym 2-4 times every week. however, i gained more than 40 kilograms of disgusting fat in like 4 months. my thyroid is so swollen that i constantly feel like throwing up. i have terrible days when i wake up retching , and not so terrible ones, but at the end of the day i go to bed feeling sick, especially if have any kind of dinner. i have a headache all the time, and possibly because of the terrible weight gain , my back is killing me as well. like i can't even sit for an hour or enjoy having a meal or a coffee. im either constipated or so stressed that i feel like having diarrhea . basically i am unable to find any type of job because of this illness. i always feel like a stupid retarded person , i cant remember so simple things, my brain just stops working. i can't make everyday small decisions, i can't tolerate anyone. i used to be the center of attention type of extroverted girl, now i don't even want to go outside to the store or anywhere.
i am really depressed.. i have no hope at all, i feel like i am dying slowly. i know i am selfish as there are people who live with this for years , or decades. but i am just giving up on life.. my beautiful thick curly hair is now disgusting and tenth the size and dry and thin and gross, my soft skin is now dry and hands are chapped. i have stretchmarks on my belly, my body is just unbearable for myself to look at, my muscles and joints are ridiculously weak and painful after minutes. i keep having a blocked nose and my throat is so dry that i just cant deal with this anymore. i don't even remember when i last was intimate with my boyfriend, because i am just disgusted by myself.
thank god i have him. he is just so patient and helps me with everything and holds me when i just start crying from exhaustion and despair and hopelessness. i just feel terrible that he has to work so much and i am just lying in bed, and even doing nothing hurts and i feel like dying..
i am going back to my GP next week for my blood test results and then i will know how to proceed. any advice for me on how to survive these weeks? either financially, or emotionally and physically.. i am really sorry for going on and on and being so demotivating but no one seems to understand.
thank you for your time!