Story is long, will try to make it short. I need help
Have had a stressful childhood, drank for years, stopped when I got pregnant, I have had nightmares every night since I was in my early 20s. Have suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can recall. In 2006 I suffered multiple health problems. Was president of parent advisory council at my sons elementary school, under much stress. Had period of extreme light sensitivity in eyes, eye hemmoraged, blood vessels on sclera, Drs could not determine cause October 2006 had mental breakdown. Signed myself into psychiatrict care. 2 months. Diagnosed also with colitis. Cried, constantly and no idea why. Bed ridden for months. Was put on antidepressants, tried many. 2009 started having health problems again, too numerous to list. 2009 another breakdown and another 2 months in the hospital. Constant crying, bed ridden again. Was advised by mental health professionals that I should go back to work, it would help with depression. I did and would spend the day trying to hide my tears, dealing with extreme anxiety, depression, nothing helped.
So since then I have had my ups and downs. Still on anti depressants. Dealing with hair loss, acne on my scalp, acne breakout on face and ears. Sore throat at times, times where it was difficult to swallow, had periods of shortness of breath, muscle weakness in arms and legs, stomach upset, menstrual cycle is out of whack, heavy then nothing. No period one month, two the next within a week of each other. My WBC count is always low, below range. Drs can find no reason. Weight gain. During the last few weeks I have suffered what seems to be estrogen dominance. Breast were very tender for about three days, lots of vaginal discharge and then it stopped. Breast were fine and I believe I experience vaginal dryness for the first time in my life. I have had no sexual drive for over 10 years. Since my last breakdown I have lived my life pushing myself to put a smile on my face and do my best to make sure my boys are happy, had decided that I would do so until they were married off and once I felt they were happy and would be ok without me I would end my life. Please note I am not suicidal, but I have been to hell and back twice and won't go back again. For me, up until a few days ago, ending my life was going to be a release from my mental anguish.
What has changed. Information. Information like I have found on this forum. I have searched for close to 10 years to find someone who has suffered as I had. I had been searching mental health forums, but didn't find anyone with a story like mine. But I finally did find a story similar to mine in a hormone book and then found numerous more after reading up on thyroid problems. So, I'm heading back into my doctor on the 11th to request, yet again, that I be thoroughly tested for thyrodism. I've asked before but I've only gotten my tsh tested and my t3 once. I am actually looking forward to the future if I can find a way to heal myself. So am reaching out to find others who might be able to help me. Will post my test results in following posts. Any help is welcomed. Thank you.
Another big thing right now also is my memory. It's gone. So bad that I have asked to see a neurologist.