It's been almost two years since endo caused me to have a bowel resection and ileostomy and my bowels still don't work. I depend on laxatives and enemas to move my bowels every few days. I'm almost always in pain; migraine, rectal pain, crippling back pain, abdominal pain or a combination of two or more. I've gotten to the point where I've had to stop working because I keep falling ill. I'm divorced and live alone and I'm sure the isolation and lack of help has made me completely depressed. In the last year, I've gained 30kg and 5 dress sizes. I've tried in vain to diet and I've given up now. Most of my medications have weight gain as a side effect and I'm at a total loss as to what to do. I've recently started having seizures and two weeks ago I suffered a seizure in the hospital and went into cardiac arrest. I saw a neurologist on Tuesday and she tried to fob me off and said I should stop throwing words like "seizure" and "cardiac arrest" around. Because it happened in another hospital and she doesn't have access to my notes or the report, she dismissed most of what I said. I asked her to request for my notes from the hospital and left feeling terribly upset. I've gotten to the point where I'm tired of begging doctors for pain relief, begging to be believed, begging for my symptoms to be taken seriously and begging my family to understand. I believe my whole family is in denial and they pretend all is well. Sometimes I wish the doctors hadn't tried so hard to resuscitate me after the cardiac arrest. I feel so out of control, so alone and so unhappy. I can't even recognise myself anymore. Im so tempted to just give up, roll over and die. This burden is too much for one person to carry. I'm so exhausted....I just want my life back.
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