firstly i want to apologise if my post doesn't make sense or if i miss anything out. i'm feeling very low this evening and its taken me a while to muster up the energy to write this post.
I have posted before in the newly diagnosed section (my orginal post:https://healthunlocked.com/thyroiduk/posts/130088996/newbie-to-forum-just-been-diagnosed-hypothyroid-by-dr-skinner/responses/130099273) i have detailed here all my background information and journey with hypo.
to provide some basic info however, im Louise, 22 years old, and recently been diagnosed (by dr skinner) with hypothyroidism. About a week ago, i started taking levothyroxine, 25mcg, rising by 25mcg each week for four weeks to reach 100mcg. i have had some side effects including headaches, feeling very energetic and then extremely tired.
My main symptoms are depression and anxiety which have been chronic since i was 8 years old (this is when i believe my thyroid problems started although i did have symptoms before this, but it is hard to tell. i do have a number of other symptoms (detailed in my first post) including anaemia. My last blood results for ferrtin (35.7) and b12 (227) were low, but both the specialist and my gp suggested sublinguals and tablets, which in all honestly i'm having great difficulty in remembering to take, as my memory is poor at times and I don;t have the energy to make the food necessary for absorbing these.... alas..
Over the years, I have experienced chronic depression with little letup I also have racing thoughts, paranoid thoughts (thinking the worst, people are talking about me etc..), social anxiety, anxiety about completeing tasks. more recently i have started having insomnia and panic attacks at night. my mental health has cost me friendships, relationships and ability to complete my degree in nursing. I feel so lost right now, like a complete failure in life. i cant hold down a job due to my depression manifesting itself in my work. I find it hard to maintain friendships, because somedays i cant even manage to text someone back, or call. I either feel low or anxious, both equally make me a crap friend
I have had alot happen to me through my childhood with my mother neglecting me in many ways and me having to be her carer (due to epilespy and mental health issues) and though various traumas i experienced. I reliase that this has affected my mental health too greatly, but I do feel that my hypothyroidisim is making it much harder.
i'm finding it so hard to think, to feel today. I keep letting people to take advantage of me, by always doing what they want. Its like I cant say no. which ulitmately affects my relationship with my fiance, as he gets so frustated, as he does not want me to be taken advantage of. My fiance is the only person I am honest with, can tolerate being with when i'm ill like this and who actually gives a damn about me. as I mentioned above, i have a complicated relationship with my mother and rest of my family too.
I have suicidal and self harms thoughs run through my mind sometimes, particularly on bad days, like today. I feel so bloody exhasted and low, but i will not ever do it, no matter how bad it gets. I feel like i'm in pain, mentally, but there is not a remedy..
I felt better initally when i started levothyroxine 25mcg last week, although to be honest, i have a habit of supressing my feelings when my fiance is around, but as soon as i'm alone, i cant suppress it anymore. its not that I dont want to talk about it, but i'm so tired of feeling like this and putting my fiance through this.
But i'm back to square one today: feeling low, no energy, irritable, anxious, thinking briefly about suicide (i dont know why... its so selfish, but its like my brain wants a way out). I dont have the energy or enthusiam to cook etc. i forced myself to have dinner and take my iron tablet for the first time in days. I havent brushed my teeth or put make up in days ... (im rambling sorry).
I know i need to be patient with my meds, but it's so hard when i'm finding it hard to get through today my fiance will be home soon which i'm glad of, as i'm finding it hard to be alone and feeling like this.
im sorry for my long post ... i just need to get this out..