Adult question how much does your sex life suffer?

[drax83]

One thing I haven't seen discussed here, is the very real problems that IBS and other complaints make it painful to have sexual activities. One time many years ago with IBS my ex g/f pestered me in the bedroom. But me on top. The pain got rapidly worse, unfortunately the stomach muscles get tense, and this adds to an already spasmed gut. I had to retire early ☹️ finishing off my girl by other means, its quite depressing and some guys are so fearful of the stomach cramps, it can lead to a loss of erection. Love to know how you deal with it, both boys and girls, and was your partner understanding?? 💞

[FRreedman]

I can't really believe this post is genuine. I have been married for forty-something years, and neither my wife, nor I had any complaints (that we couldn't deal with), and what girl would complain about being finished off by other means?

[drax83 in reply to FRreedman]

Of course its genuine, I used to be a counsellor back in the eighties, sexual problems are one the most difficult subject for most couples. IBS assosiated pain is very dibilitating. Different people react in certain ways, some guys, just give up on satisfying their partner, and just leaving them with blue balls, I'm not one of those and probably neither are you. But appreciate your reply. But some couples struggle with this. I'm glad you both take the effort to work on any tummy problems either of you face. But remember there are those without a supportive partner. Be lucky👍👍

[Maureen1958]

I have been married to my wonderful second husband (the first one was a bastard) for 32 years. He has always been understanding about my IBS in all situations including in the bedroom. The last thing you want as a women (unless I am unusual) is some bloke sticking his penis up your vagina when you are having IBS symptoms! Equally, I guess, a bloke would not feel up to it either if he was feeling particularly rough!

[drax83 in reply to Maureen1958]

Thank you for replying and being brave enough to do so👍

[Risita]

I’m retired from that lol

[drax83 in reply to Risita]

I'm retired dear and 70, and still enjoy sex either with partner or for me with mobilty problems, tech devices made for guys.

[BlackIsleGirl]

Well I guess this is a part of life that should be talked about same as any other 🤷‍♀️ and certainly for new sufferers it's going to be in their minds, especially those that are single.

I think it's a matter of having respect and honesty between you both and maybe being a bit inventive with what position you use. When I'm a bit sensitive or bloated we quite often go for a position where there's no pressure on my stomach for example. Honesty and trust is the most important thing though. Being comfortable enough with each other to understand that I'm not feeling up to it isn't the same as rejection can take time.

IBS probably has had at least some negative affect on our sex life and I know it has affected my body confidence but my husband still tells me I'm sexy and beautiful when I'm a bloated mess hugging a hot water bottle 😂 think I might keep him 😂

[Hidden in reply to BlackIsleGirl]

You're so lucky to have an understanding partner. Wish mine was.

[BlackIsleGirl in reply to Hidden]

Aww that's such a shame. I'm so sorry you feel like that ☹️

[drax83 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for replying, sorry your partner doesn't give you the support you hoped for. IBS ias such an unseen problem for may years, hoping you can work on the problem👍

[Fernsmum in reply to BlackIsleGirl]

What a wonderful relationship you have , you sound to have been as lucky as me in your life partner , we've been married 50 years and are still in love ,and we both give and take as life throws things in our path .

[BlackIsleGirl in reply to Fernsmum]

Yes I'm lucky. It took us a while to find each other but we're pretty solid. Glad to hear you're happy too.

[drax83 in reply to Fernsmum]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject👍

[drax83 in reply to BlackIsleGirl]

Thank you so much for replying, yes it's a sensative topic, but an important one, thank for sharing your experiences 👍

[Hidden]

Hi drax83, glad someone has raised this subject, yes my sex life has suffered greatly, having not had relations for about 2-3 years because of the discomfort in the evenings (wind mostly) unfortunately my partner is not very sympathetic... so ... another reason why I just want to get better.

[Edgar77 in reply to Hidden]

IBS has left me with no energy and no sex drive at all. Simply not interested. On top of that I find it very painful and it makes me bleed. Been checked out my virginal has got very thin with age. I give my hubby the very occasional blow jobs (which I hate) but he thinks I like it, and yes I fake it. We no longer sleep together cos I am very restless. I am retired and he gets up very early.

[drax83 in reply to Edgar77]

Your brave to share this, and I'm quite moved that you have suffered from a long time, my wife as low sex drive, but not me although I'm retired. If nothing else fails, try one of the many sex toys on the market, that don't compress the tummy. Clit suckers are really popular, and only deliver sensations to the clit. Best of luck and always consider a doctors advice and help. You needn't go without, experiment in private when your IBS allows👍💞

[Edgar77 in reply to drax83]

It doesn't bother me. As I said I'm not interested but it bothers my hubby of course. The doc suggested testosterone to increase my libido, why would I increase my desire to do something that will hurt me??

[Maureen1958 in reply to Edgar77]

❤️

[drax83 in reply to Hidden]

Awww your brave replying, it's rather an unseen problem, it seems guys in particular seem to be less sympathetic. Woman have to put up with other functions of the female body, guys should recognise and maybe read up!!! Best wishes👍

[Maureen1958 in reply to Hidden]

❤️

[drax83 in reply to Hidden]

Wind is painful, and like me at the moment, smelly. Not the sort of scene you need. But do try the many sex toys, fro Amazon etc, and choose something that fits your needs. I use erotic electrostim for many years, but even myself isn't interested when a lot of wind creates a negative effect on your libido

[Hidden in reply to drax83]

Well I can always see to myself when he's out playing Golf

[drax83 in reply to Hidden]

Had to chuckle there Dolphin. A case of a hole in or two maybe? 😁

[Hidden in reply to drax83]

Haha!!

[bktk]

How can anyone ibs-d think of sex when you passing you husband filling your pants to get to the toilet 🥺still he very tactfully does blame the cat. But seriously it has put me off feeling romantic ever again cus never feel fully clean even after showering. We have been together 39 years.

[drax83 in reply to bktk]

Thank you for sharing, I'm really sympathetic to your problem, and can relate to it. Hope you can sort out the problem using respect and reasoning 👍

[Maureen1958 in reply to bktk]

❤️

[Hidden in reply to bktk]

my partner has smellier wind than I do, and I'm the one with IBS! He often blames the dog.

[drax83 in reply to Hidden]

A friend of mine had a bulldog type dog, when I went visit, I almost took an air freshener with me each time. It was that bad lol

[Hidden in reply to drax83]

Dog farts are the worst kind. :/ lol

[Oh00No]

I am with you there, I understand exactly where you are coming from. We have also been together just over 40 yrs.

[drax83 in reply to Oh00No]

Thank for sharing, I do hope you find a way to get back on track, after 40 years I'm sure your partner knows the signs of when your not in the mood, good luck👍

[merve1]

I'm glad you have opened up this debate - it is for some, the elephant in the room with IBS. A further issue for me is the lack of confidence in seeking new relationships - I'm putting up with a somewhat toxic relationship because I've invested so much time in it and my partner is fairly tolerant of all the IBS effects on our lives together. However, I believe that a long period of very negative IBS symptoms, together with the effect they had on my mood, contributed to my partner "playing away" some years ago. I wish I could walk away from this but feel a great deal of "social inertia" concerning trying to get out in the first place, then after meeting someone, having to explain all the limitations on our social and sex life IBS might cause. Of course, my current flawed relationship might well be increasing my stress levels and therefore my IBS problems. In the past, though, sexual activity seemed to suppress a lot of IBS symptoms for me....

[drax83 in reply to merve1]

thank you for being brave and telling your story. Its not easy talking to someone about these issues, but this is a good forum, and although I was sceptical that it would be pertinent to this forum, judging by the amount of feedback, it is an issue that's quite high on peoples lists. Yes any sort of anxiety , especially partner ones causes flare ups to last longer than normal. On the matter of activity helps, that's quite true, as long as your innards are fairly calm, exciersise of the muscles of the abdomen can help calm down the gut. sexual activities also release Seratonin, and endorphins. Release lets the muscles all calm down and begin the state of relaxing..... (Seratonin is a very important component of the gut, many people like me cant take hot weather, or high moisture in Thunder storm type weather. )...... having a partner playing away is not the kind of relationship you need with IBS. Although I was a councillor many years ago, I am not going to get too involved as just a member of course. But I really would think . why am I staying in this relationship?, thats basically making me ill. It is up to you, he /she may be fairly tolerant, but hes probably using that just to prop up the fact he knows he can have a quickie anytime. If you finish, take some months out and ground yourself and get back your health, enjoy the late spring sun, and then carefully start looking around. I mean when I was dating my wife since 1990, Before we got any closer or made plans, I straight away told her I was Bisexual. She accepted that, and although she could have walked away , she didn't, and now married happily for 31 years👍❤️

[Maureen1958 in reply to merve1]

Sent you a message on Chat.

[merve1]

Thanks for your constructive and sympathetic reply!

[SKWEKER]

Personally, I'm always too bloated to even think about it. I feel like a failure to my husband because for the last few years it's been pretty much constant. As someone else said when you have all the pain and pressure you can't contemplate anything being put inside you. Also makes me feel very unattractive, combined with a hip replacement in 2020 and now needing a new knee, I'm only 51 but feel so useless.

[drax83 in reply to SKWEKER]

Gosh, no need to feel unattractive. It should please you to know, your not the only one with more than one problem. I to am waiting for a hip replacement and had some scans on my pelvic and lower back to find what is causing a extremely painful sciatic pain through my right hip right down to my shin and ankle. Having bloating to at the moment, and the usual on and off pain with, it makes me feel pretty useless to, as have to use a mobilty scooter, I'm so unsteady the kitchen for me Is a dangerous place. The cooker off limits, my partner manages oven use. So 15 or so years ago. I put a greenhouse, concreted our rear path, dug a 10ft by 6ft pond., replaced some fences, and life was pretty good. By 2010 I had to use a waking stick, in 2020 just about carry two bags of shopping from ou delivery. But it is sad to here you are suffering problems at your relative age as I'm 70. Don't forget IBS and mobilty problems may mean you are eligible for PIP benefit which I'm on. Hope you can turn some of this round. But I relate very much to you. Feeling useless, but your not we just been dealt some bad cards. Look to other hobbies or support from the artrits foundation perhaps. Very best of luck, 💞