for over a decade i have had IBS, it paralyzes me everyday. then around 2016 i felt very stressed sat on a bus, and in shop queues, so much so, i haven't been more then 1 mile from home since 2017. i have always been a reclusive adult, and even child, for example, there are no photographs of me from around the age of 12, and iv never celebrated a birthday since the same age. around the same time i decided i wanted to end my life, and at 19 i attempted. i found out very quickly im not capable of doing that to myself, so i decided i will try again at 40. the intervening years i did not plan for any future, never had children, never bought a home, never really worked because i felt no desire to have anything, i think i was always destined to have agoraphobia. today im 42, and lived past my own sell by date, and all i can think of is how i can die painlessly, and quickly, and stop being a burden to my family. i live at home with my parents and feel embarrassed for them, having a son like me. im not really that concerned about fixing myself, but rather unburdening my parents. i know there are no answers and im not expecting anything, i just wanted somewhere to say something about how i feel.
Agoraphobia, IBS and suicide: for over a decade... - IBS Network
Agoraphobia, IBS and suicide
Reading ur pain has really brought me to tears. Your parents won't see you as a burden as a mother a mother's love for her child is so special and if u did die imagine the pain ur parents would be in. I now life seems difficult for u but people are always here to help can u talk to ur parents about how u r feeling or a friend or even ur GP there is always help out there. I had an uncle who committed suicide and the pain of my family was unbelievable as he was so young. I have suffered with ibs d for 28 years and I know how hard life can be with it I also get depressed so ur not alone have u been to see your GP as they can run test to see if there is an underlying conditions which could be causing ur IBS. Please look after yourself ur life is special and people do care about you x
dont worry about it, how do i delete my account on here... i should never have bothered posting
It's good to talk and no one on here will judge you please don't delete as we r all here to help each other x
I hope I haven't upset u in anyway that wasn't my intention take care of urself x
Hey hey hey. You need help. Fast. Get it please. And let us know how you get on. You might not care about you but we do. Con tanto tanto amore. Bx
Hi Hidden I know ur not answering but I just wanted to let u know we r all still thinking about you and hope you are ok. It's been awhile since u wrote ur first post which I think was very brave of you so if your ever ready to post again just let us all know you r ok. Even if it's just I'm ok . Hope reading all our post shows how much people do care take care of yourself x
Deleting your account is, at this moment, the worst thing you can do.
Hi, feel free to message me if you want, that way nobody else will see it.
Please don’t delete your account. There are people on here who you might find a support and even come to consider friends. Are you in the U.K.?
Your concern for your parents shows the light you carry in you - please be compassionate to yourself too. I echo what others have said - don't delete your account - you've reached out and said what you feel and that took great courage. It's up to each of us to choose to respond to posts or not and I appreciate everyone who writes a post.
I think if you killed yourself, it would kill your parents. Life is hard but living without your son would be harder as a parent.
Hi i would love to speak with you on the phone. I know this might be hard for you but i am here for you. I can totally relate with you and I am hoping you can read my message. Please text me @ (619)763-6193
What a kind thing to do. Are you happy for your phone number to be in a public forum?
Yes no problem at all. I believe that this platform is to help people and i want to help in any way possible 
I assume you haven't heard anything from him.
No
Okay, thanks. Guess there's nothing else we can do then. Thank you for reaching out like you did, it was extremely kind of you. Perhaps he will read all these messages on here and come back to us in his own time!
Have you read about autism at all? Even if you're not autistic, the autistic community will likely have a lot of good advice about the kinds of anxieties and phobias you're experiencing.
Agoraphobia/anxiety/IBS are all very common autistic experiences (I am autistic and have all three too) and there is a great deal of good life affirming advice out there from this community.
I would suggest Reddit; reddit.com/r/autismtranslated or Reddit com/r/aspergirls are two good ones with helpful advice and nonjudgmental atmospheres.
We are all hear for a reason. As your parents get older they will need you. Not all of us are destined to bring up a family of our own. Try to find some pleasure in the little things around you. We don't need to travel to the other side of the world to see a flower or a wild cat ect ect. And we can almost be there thanks to the TV. My family don't understand me and I'm under constant pressure to go out. I have to drive 2 miles every other day to look after my blind 91 year old Mum. Sometimes I feel awful and hate it but I have a reason to keep going. My husband wants me to go on holiday and has already booked it. He thinks it will do me good! More like do him good. I'm dreading it. There are pros and cons to having family of your own.
I understand how you feel. I often think back about when I was younger a d why I wasn't scared to go out and then I realized it was before I had IBS. I quit my job because my social phobia was causing bad IBS attacks. I'm a bit better now that I'm on anxiety meds but the fear of going out is real and PTSD from past experiences is real. I still haven't found a job because the fear of that pain again and the humiliation has me paralyzed with fear of even finding something that's less than ideal. I hate it so much and a lot of the time I hate myself. But I have a partner that keeps reminding me that your worth isn't determined by whether you're low maintenance or not. It's not determined by whether you bring in money, whether you're normal. Your worth is determined by what kind of person you are. If you're a good person, I can guarantee your parents love you and don't care that you still live with them. They're your parents and you aren't a burden
Seek for the Lord Jesus Christ. He's your only answer to your suffering. Praying for you.
I hope you are reading all these messages to see how much support is out there for you we all care and wish u would let us know u r ok even if u pm back x
Hidden hopefully you have not deleted your account, Why? Because something deep inside made you reach out for help, that small part of you that keeps fighting for your life. I work in the area of mental health, and have talked (councilled) many people that have attempted to take their own lives, the one thing they have in common, Regret. All have gone on to appreciate life with a second chance. You can to my friend, you are and will never be, a burden to your family, there are plenty of us that never married or had family or have family left. Agrophobia is a curable fear, and being lonely can also change in a heart beat. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are just 42, think of the people that found love and friendship after that age, give yourself that chance. Please don't be someone who faces that regret but cannot take it back, get help, get some support, people care, I care, society cares, God cares, you are a burden to nobody. Please make a call to a number of organisations tell them how you feel and get help. I had to and its not a sign of weakness it is one of strength. One day at a time, You got this...
Don't delete your account. You needed to to share your experience and the more you share the more you will get a connection with others. We all need that and this forum provides it. I understand your post was intended to get your thoughts and feelings out. I think what you need at the moment is to have connection. Your post really resonates with me. I have a 30 year old son who has much in com.on with you. IBS, lives with me, never had a job, battled mental health issues all his life. He has been improving because of many factors. Please do keep reaching out. As a mom I can tell you your parents will suffer more than you can imagine if you take your life. My son attempted at 18. I had to call 911. He spent 5 days in patient. He was very grateful to have survived. I don't think I could've coped with losing him. ❤
I hope you haven't deleted your account or worse....lots of people do care about what happens to you as you can see. I really hope you can seek the help you need please just keep talking x
You are not alone my friend, I am 76 and what with my IBS and other things that I am waiting for an operation on I have had thoughts of " well I have lived for quite some time so maybe it`s time" then I think of my lovely caring wife who would be devastated and I talk to her and we cry together and it helps to get me through the bad times. You need a one to one with someone who understands what you are going through. My hobbies are amateur radio where I can talk to people around the world without leaving home, my other love is photography which I can do around my garden or in my village shooting flowers. We have built lots of bird feeders and love to watch the birds bring their young into the garden. Yes I still get bad days but when I look around me and see what a beautiful world we actually live in I dig deep and take each day as it comes. Please don`t delete your account, you have made the first important steps to getting help. With the right help you will come out the other side. Will life be perfect? No, but you will be stronger and will be able to cope with those bad days. I wish you all the best and feel for you.
Please get help.
I’ve been worry about him too and tried to contact the administrators of this website. I couldn’t do this and it says on the website that they’re not medical and it’s only for people to share their problems and to see if others can help. I so hope he’s ok.
Hi desperatepotato, he hasn't deleted his account or we would not be able to see this post. He hasn't been in touch with me via chat either. So there is little we can do. It would be nice if he could just let us know he is okay!
please get help. Mental health services will give help on coping with ibs and I am sure, your other problems. This forum is here to get support from others and is one place you can be totally honest about feeling. You have made the first move to getting support, try to get some professional help. My ibs was much worse after surgery for oesophageal cancer. Support from mental health services really helped with coming to terms with a new normal and learning to live with it. Don't give up x
Hi Hidden I hope you are still reading these messages I am just seeing how u r doing and letting u know I'm still thinking about you and hope ur getting the help u needed. Take care of yourself and if u ever want to reply we are always here for you x
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