Growing up with chronic constipation (21yrold)

[ashacceptance21]

Hi guys, I wanted to mention my experience and if any of you can relate to parts of this, I'd love to hear your experience too. (If you read this all you are awesome ^_^)

I am 21 years old, I was born 3 months premature and spent the first 4 months of my life in an incubator. I've had bowel problems for as long as I can remember, my mum told me that even as a baby I had issues with digestion and was on a feeding tube and various steroids to develop my organs. In childhood I continued to experience severe constipation - often resulting in bloating,pain, discomfort and I remember so many times as a child feeling embarrassed and constantly crying over it. I experienced soiling due to the constipation and in primary/early secondary school years and trying to manage toileting issues caused a fair amount of stress.

Over the years I was given all forms of senna,movicol,laxido, docusate and lactulose. Told all the usual info about eating more fibre/water/not too much processed food etc. Nothing I ate or drink seemed to influence or improve it at all, I was still chronically constipated.

I was horrifically bullied at 13/14yrs old following a toilet incident on a school trip, where I went to use a cubicle and was utterly humiliated by a group of girls who were making horrible comments, shouting,sniggering,trying to kick the cubicle door down and a massive herd of classmates ran after me when I tried to escape. I felt so ashamed and hated myself for not being able to go 'normally'. I developed a massive phobia of using the school toilets and it took years for teachers to take it seriously, to get a code to the staff toilets. I wish so much that I had a platform of support like this when I was a teenager cause severe constipation makes you feel so isolated, scared, embarrassed, unclean, different from others, and it's such a taboo subject especially among teenagers.

I'd never been given any clear tests by the NHS or further investigations into what could be the reason and root of all the constipation trouble. I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder when I was 16, and I know that my anxiety can make my bowel issues flare up.

Thank you for reading this guy's,it means a lot to know that other people go through this too.

[Lulububs]

Hey

Im sorry u endured such insensitive people along ur way, what a shame and also not very helpful for ur situation.

Mine ibs only really reared it ugly head fully year ago after another bout of constipation giving me the worse pain ive ever experienced and it just stayed with me since.

My mum always said i had trouble as child i just wouldnt poop, i had it in my head it was dirty and literally refused to go??

Thing is it ruined my digestive system and im now 44 and it just got worse and worse.

Mayb it worth u seeing a therapist, i went to one years ago for grief counseling best thing i ever did. It may help u release all that anxiety

[b1b1b1]

What you went through is terrible. I am an adult and now have IBS d as a result of food poisoning. I did not have any problems with it until well into adulthood. As an adult I worry and feel bad about urgency etc. etc. I cannot imagine how difficult this must have been for a child. Try to see a gastroenterologist, as they are really the only ones who can get to the root of the problem and give, at least, a diagnosis. Also, therapy may be helpful in talking through what happened to you as a child. I am so sorry that you were bullied for something that was a medical problem and that you could not help.

[Hidden]

Hi there,

That was a nasty thing to have to live through at school. I'm sorry you had to live that.

Know that everyone on this forum deals in some way with constipation and/or diarrhea and all the challenges that go with that. So you can feel at home here.

A b1b1b1 said previously, I would go and consult a gastroenterologist, who will explore the physical side of your chronic constipation with you.

I personally have found I had a nervous root behind my constipation and was unconsciously "holding back" in other areas of my life too. Something maybe worth considering: sickofibs.com/ibs-triggers/...

If you feel your anxiety is linked to what you went through at school, it could really benefit you to go and talk to your doctor about this. You may find talking it through with a psychologist is helpful. I also found NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) very helpful in untangling and reducing specific triggers and reactions. Another technique called EFT could help you start releasing the feeling of shame you possibly have associated with all this. EFT may seem strange, but it really is a powerful technique based on stimulating the meridians and releasing emotions. There are many self-help videos on Youtube.

I hope something in here helps you,

Alison

[Fruitandnutcase]

Hi, you’ve had some awful experiences, it’s amazing how cruel kids can be and it’s worse still that adults allow it to happen. I was a primary school teacher myself and I can honestly say there have been times when I have felt ashamed to be part of that profession because of things like that. My own son was bullied - once by a teacher! - so I know the misery it brings not only to the child involved but to his family.

It’s hardly surprising you were anxious! I hope the person who diagnosed that knew the full bullying story. It would probably be a good idea to be checked out by a consultant so that you have more of an idea of what’s going on inside. In my case the tests eliminated anything really nasty and all that was left was that it must be IBS and that was fine for me.

You could find someone to talk to about it, you could try hypnotherapy which could help you come to terms with your earlier horrible experiences, I’ve trued that and found it worked for certain things - I used it when I had dreadful morning sickness and again to help deal with a really stressful experience I was going through - but alas I’d didn’t help me to go off chocolate, you could do yoga, that’s supposed to help you relax - I never got to like yoga myself, I’m a Pilates person and that’s good too or you could do what my son did and go out and live the life you want to live to spite the bullies (they’re sad losers really) who in his case haven’t done a fraction of what he has done, been to the places he’s been to or met the interesting people he has met.

I’ve had IBS for a long time and I always say the constipation part is the worst. It seems to arrive for no reason at all, all of a sudden it will be there. I can get rid of mine by taking Fybogel or normacol regularly for a few days. It doesn’t sound like that would help you though.

If it’s any comfort we have close friends whose son had similar problems to you and from babyhood really. I don’t know if he had the bullying though but he had major constipation and leakage problems. I know that he saw a gastroenterologist though and he didn’t have surgery. We haven’t spoken about that for a long time but the boy must be about 40 now. I haven’t heard anything about his health and he has now travelled and worked all over the world in some interesting and unusual conditions, including the Antarctic so I imagine his earlier bowel problems must have resolved themselves or if not they haven’t interfered with his social / working life. Hope this helps.

[ashacceptance21]

Guys thank you so so much for replying to this. I'm overwhelmed by your kindness and understanding, and it's honestly so reassuring. I've never been able to speak about this to people outside of professionals and close family before.

It's such a taboo subject and I want to find a way for schools to implement more strategies that can actually help those of us who struggle with bladder and bowel problems. To others - it probably sounds ridiculous and unnecessary but I can honestly say toileting struggles did impact on my education, and not feeling safe in school. It was always frowned upon to ask to go to the toilet during lessons, many teachers at my school would point blank refuse to let you go, or moan and lecture at you 'why didn't you go before the bell/at lunch!' etc etc

But then the anxiety of needing to access a toilet at breaks and lunch was so horrendously bad as they would always be filled with girls doing their makeup and messing around. There weren't any disabled toilets available cause our school very rarely had wheelchair users. Often the 1 single toilet cubicle beside reception would be the only option - and there was constant ques of people waiting so you couldn't relax.

I actually had to miss school one time because the constipation was causing so much pain and stopped me from being able to pass urine, I remember being so annoyed with my body and hating it for doing this. That night I was in A&E, utterly embarrassed and ugly crying -_- the bowel obstruction meant I had to get catheterised and given softeners and wasn't able to be discharged until I had been able to have a bowel movement. And what I was worried about...

was the fact I would be missing my drama written exam!

[Fruitandnutcase in reply to ashacceptance21]

You poor thing! You’re right it feels so embarrassing. I remember going for my first IBS appointment - and I’d had two children so there wasn’t anything about my body that hadn’t been seen before and I was still embarrassed to talk about my bowels!

So I really feel for you at your age and I feel for you with all the scary girls fixing their make up, doing their hair etc in the toilets. You describe it perfectly. I felt like I was there with you.

I’m 70 now but when I was an infant I wet myself so often when I started school because I hated the school toilets so much. They were out in the playground - miles away from the school! They weren’t heated at all and were freezing cold, the cisterns were high up on the wall with a long chain to pull, horrid hard toilet paper - just horrible. Eventually my mum kicked up such a fuss that like you I was allowed to use the staff toilet.

You’re right school toilets can be scary places for children and they do affect how you see school. It’s actually not at all uncommon for children to be scared if using the school toilets if they aren’t actually in the classroom. I’ve been known to go check out the toilets first then stand outside to wait for children who worried about going in. I think with the best will in the world they aren’t always as clean as their home toilets, you don’t know if they are going to be empty or if there is someone in their already which can be scary too.

My own older son had the infant mistress from hell for his first ever teacher - I know because I worked for her for a couple of years - she wouldn’t let kids go to the toilet during lessons.

After coming home a few times wearing ‘emergency’ clothes I went up and I’m afraid I bullied the horrid woman into making sure that he was allowed to go whenever he needed. He was a child who had never wet himself, he was fastidious and would never have wanted to wet himself, he was mortified.

The old witch looked at us when I went up smiled at him and said ‘Oh A, you’ve never ever asked me if you could go to the toilet have you?’ And I could feel him shrink under her evil stare. The classroom assistants said ‘We just wondered how long it would take for you to come up!’

Hopefully you will be able to sort your problem out or at least find ways to deal with it without being embarrassed. Do you know that there is some sort of a card you can get that you can show in shops and places like that, that can get you access to a staff toilet in an emergency? If that would be useful for you and you’re interested in that then post again and ask about it.