Terrified

My grandma is on hospice care from having ovarian cancer, all the treatments were stopped because nothing was working. Now she is at home under our care and hospice nurses come by to check on her. They just tell us to give her morphine and methadone for pain. Well she just getting worse and worse each day. This week she stopped taking and just moans or yells. Today I tried to feed her and she just started to yell no no no and pushed the food away. She won't swallow even much water now. Please someone tell me if there some other option for her? What can I do? I can't give up on her she is my light to this dark world I still need her. Please let me know what else I can do.

Thank you

Loving, desperate granddaughter who can't let her grandma just like this

10 Replies

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  • Hi Annabeal,

    So very sorry you are having to go through this difficult time, do you have any support for yourself?

    You really need to speak to the hospice nurses about your grandma and ask for more information and you probably some more help, is your grandma on palliative care? I'm really sorry but it does sound like it from what you've said. Don't try to make her eat or drink unless she wants to, keep her lips moist with water and just keep her as comfortable as possible.

    Marie curie nurses are a wonderful organisation who will come and sit with patients at night so you can get some rest, might be worth asking the hospice nurses about them?

    It's human nature to want to care for our family and you are doing a brilliant job. Try to keep her calm and peaceful, tell her how much you love her, though I'm sure she knows, and that you will be with her in this part of her life for as long as she needs you.

    Take lots of care of you, sending lots of love and hugs ❤xx Jane

  • I can't stand the hospice people I call them asking if they can come out and they just tell me there is nothing they can do. Today is a 3rd day she going with out food or water, yes I been putting a wet sponge in her mouth. Today she has hard time breathing because the siliva is blocking her breathing through the mouth, I tried to suck it up with syrange but no luck it's like half way down her throat. I get couple hours of sleep that's good enough for me. I know I'm going to loose her in next few weeks and I feel like I failed her. I should have done something else for her, I should done more research, she is my world and she getting taking away from me and I can't prevent that. I sit next to her day and night and just keep apologizing and saying I love you. She dying right in front of my eyes.

    Thank you for kind words

    Thank you so much 2

  • Oh Annabeal you poor thing I really feel for you. You are a lovely granddaughter looking after her and being there for her. You definitely need more support like one of the posts said Marie Curie do offer support at home and have you tried McMillan to see if they can help. No-one should have to cope alone and I truly hope you can get some support. Big hugs, Sue

  • Thank you sue. Unfortunately I lost her yesterday. I told her I love you and watched her take her last breath than I just laid next to her till corner came. I can't help but feel like I disn't due enough research. I feel like there was more I should have done. I'm lost with out her.

  • Oh Annabeal I'm so sorry for your loss but your grandma is at peace now. Please take comfort in that you were with her and was able to tell her how much you loved her. You did all you could and couldn't have done anymore even if you had done more research. Take some of your grandmas strength and cherish your memories together. Please take care of yourself and ask for support if you need it. Big hugs Sue xx

  • Annabeal, I'm so sorry to hear how challenging this has been; my grandfather went through something similar. It sounds like you could use a big hug and some support yourself-- it's not easy being a caregiver, watching your loved one suffer, and it's important for you to be cared for as well. You're not failing her-- all we can do is our best, and it sounds like you are an amazing and caring granddaughter. Do you have any friends, family, counselor, etc. you can reach out to and talk to?

  • Annabel, I'm sending you hugs from Boston. It's scary and you need some help. My mom passed away at the end of October after only being sick for 2 months. Not from ovarian but another very rare gynecologic cancer. I'm the one with ovarian. You are a great granddaughter. Remember that. You did not fail her. Think about how lucky to have had her in your life.

    Also, it helps to talk to someone. I'm talking to a social worker at my hospital because my sisters and I are still in shock. We have to tell each other in our situation there wasn't any options.

    My mom did hospice in the hospital. We tried real hard to keep her home. The last few days as they upped the morphine she kind of went into a coma and there was at least 15 of us in the room for days and days. Just watching her breathe. But I know she's not in pain anymore and that's a good thing.

    Please be easier on yourself and promise me you will try and get help. Help can come when you least expect it from people you least expect.

    Please keep posting because I'm going to be thinking about you.

    A big hug,

    Catherine

  • Thank you Catherine unfortunately I lost her yesterday. I told her I love you and she took her last breath. I laid next to her until she was taking away. I'm lost with out her. She was my rock. I feel left behind. I so wish she would have taking me with her but I guess that's not how this all works.

  • I'm so sorry Annabel, it's really hard. I think about my mom and what she went thru everydsy. Sending you a virtual hugs. It does help to talk to someone. Do you have any other family?

    Catherine

  • I am so very sorry for your loss, you are obviously devastated. I know it's a cliche but try to take some comfort from the fact she isn't in any pain or discomfort any more. You were with her as she passed and that must have meant a great deal to you both. You are a brave lady. There's nothing any of us can say that will make this any easier for you or better but please know we are here for you in spirit. Sending you lots of love and big hugs ❤xx Jane xx

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