Final words

[Claireperth]

I have MBC and have lost my mother and younger sister to cancer. My father aged 87 yrs, is quite unwell with terminal prostrate cancer and has decided on volountary assisted euthanasia in August. He wants his partner, my two younger brothers and myself to be present. My father isn’t a religious person but I would like to say a poem or some words that might soothe him before he closes his eyes. Therefore, I am asking if anyone has given any thought on how they would like to spend their last moments? Are there any words, poems or music that they like? I am hoping to find some inspiration as this is such a transcendent moment for my father and I don’t want him to be frightened. I want him to feel safe, loved and free to move on. I sincerely apologise if I have upset anyone by bringing up this subject. Kind regards Claire

[Kruza]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Have you had a discussion with your dad on his likes and what he wants. Or do you know what genre of music he prefers, you could pick a few from there. Does he like poetry, plenty out there - google is your friend these days. This is hard to do. Sending you hugs.

[Claireperth in reply to Kruza]

Thanks, that’s a good idea! I will talk to my father about what he wants as his last moments.

[Adele_Julia]

Claire, what a thoughtful gesture reaching out for ideas on how to gently cradle your father in love as he moves to the afterlife. I love to write poems and music. While my middle name is Adele, a singer I am not. I’d offer to write something but then it would feel a bit off as it would be coming from a different heart, soul etc. My mother Adele was also a song writer. She taught me how to write songs by grouping phrases, emotions, words that rhyme or don’t. I love to group memories. Perhaps that’s a way to create something you read. Recall memories in your reading … happy ones, funny ones, recall times with your dad, describe how safe you felt in his arms, the times you went to the xyz together, the way his smile would whisper how proud he was of you …… you are loved by your dad. Show him , share with him how you feel his love .. 😘Whatever you create will be priceless Claire

[Claireperth in reply to Adele_Julia]

Thanks for replying. It was actually another reader’s suggestion that I reach out to everyone in our special club! There are so many wonderful people contributing to our group airing different views and experiences. I really appreciate having found this forum 🌸

[Adele_Julia in reply to Claireperth]

Me too ! Just a wealth of experience, stories, flowers, laughs and wisdom. This is a wonderful forum !

[Garden-Lady]

Dear Claire,I am so sorry to hear of all your deep challenges!

For your father, I would suggest lighting candles, and playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Rameau's Hymne à la Nuit, both of which are transcendant pieces of music.

I'm hoping you will find the pieces that you find peaceful.

Poetry by Rumi comes to mind, too.

Sending blessings, love and hugs from England. Xxx

[Claireperth in reply to Garden-Lady]

Thanks so much! I don’t think I know that piece in music so I will have a listen and have a read of Rumi! Regards Claire

[Ursula_I]

I'm sorry I can't help with a suitable poem yet... I will be looking for myself in due course. But I just wanted to send love to your father and yourself and your brothers. I agree that death is a "transcendental moment".Lucy x

[Contrarielle]

I don't know except to thank him and share a memory of him thT means a lot to you. Just being there is probably the main thing xo

[jersey-jazz]

God Bless you and keep you! Whatever you do will be done with love and your father will pass on peacefully.XXX OOO

[mariootsi]

Oh I'm so sorry for your situation. I pray your dad finds peace and has an easy transition. Hugs and love to you!

[Valisa]

Sorry to hear your situation, that is alot to handle. How wonderful that you can support your father through his decision. I hope this link works. I read this poem at my fathers funeral many years ago. It is titled “What is Success” by Ralph Waldo Emerson. If the link doesn’t work google the title and you will find it.🤗

medium.com/@dennisnafte/wha...

[Claireperth in reply to Valisa]

I will find the poem and have a read! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to my request for ideas! Kind regards Claire

[Claireperth in reply to Claireperth]

I will definitely read this poem! Thanks for replying! Regards Claire

[LibraryGeek]

Hi Claire,There is a wonderful poem called “Crossing the Bar”by Tennyson, which I always thought I would like for my funeral.

Hope things go well as possible.

Jackie x

[Claireperth in reply to LibraryGeek]

Much appreciated, I will definitely have a read! Regards Claire

[Hidden]

How lovely of you to think of this for your Dad.It might be nice if you find some music to play it to him now so he relates it to being peaceful and having you around, and can relate to this when the time comes. I hope you get to share some memories with him before August

Clare

[Claireperth in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your kindness and suggestions!

[Hidden]

Hi Clairepeth -

Wow, your post/request has certainly touched me!

I don't have any suggestions re: poetry/music (although I love both!), but do want to make what is possibly an offbeat recommendation...I'll note that I've thought of sharing this with the group, then chickened out (!), but seems perhaps especially relevant to what you all are going through....

...This might sound weird, but....

A couple of months ago I read about a...TikTok (I know...!) contributor who had gone viral. "Hospice Nurse Julie". Given my..."our"...situation, I checked it out, joined TikTok for this reason only. I've always been intrigued by death, as many of us have been, I'm sure, so was interested in her perspective...

I have found her short videos to be very educational and inspirational. Again, have thought about sharing here, but didn't, but *have* shared with friends. Who came to same conclusion, and shared with *their* loved ones.

I am concerned that even referencing "TikTok" might make it sound trite, not serious. But I have found her wisdom and perspective, as a hospice nurse, *so* valuable and comforting. Several of her videos talk about how to help loved ones in their final days. And they also prepare people for the completely normal process of dying, which can seem strange and disturbing to many.

My apologies if this seems...off? But I mean it sincerely...

My very best to you in a very challenging time...

Lynn

[Claireperth in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for replying. I would like to view these tik tok videos so do I look for”hospice nurse Julie”. Is tik tok a website? Kind regards Claire

[Hidden in reply to Claireperth]

TikTok is an app *and* a website, I view it on my computer TikTok.com. Just search "hospice nurse Julie". She has a ton of videos, some wander off topic, so I would look at the titles and maybe start at the beginning? I'd be very interested to know what you think!!

[Claireperth in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Lynn, I have downloaded TikTok and have a look over the weekend. Cheers Claire

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi LynnHope you are doing ok?

I am very interested to see these. Guess I am going to have to become a TikTok follower

Clare

[TammyCross]

I have been looking for poems for myself, for after I die, for my grave site. I have also been planting trees, fruit trees, around our property for my mother, brother, who both died, and me (I will). Someone planted a Japanese Maple for my father that is flourishing after 20 years, beautiful.

I checked the two poems suggested for your father. One doesn't work for me and mine because it implies that the end of the journey is meeting one's maker. The other doesn't because it assumes a life well-lived according to certain criteria one might or might not have lived up to. The one I found for myself so far would not be for your father because it is to be read after death. I am sure most of you will find it too hard and not inspirational, but it speaks to me. A reading can be found here: dcs.megaphone.fm/POETS42762...

The poem is called "Imperfect," by Michael Sims.

This reminds me that I need to tell my survivors about this poem, and that I need to ask them not to say that I "lost my battle with cancer," or any other terms of war and violence. I did persist.

[Claireperth in reply to TammyCross]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it’s much appreciated!

[kokopelli2017 in reply to TammyCross]

hi Chris. I hear you on the 'fighting' terminology.....not a fan either. my sister (power of attorney and executor) has strict instructions to NOT say I 'lost my battle to cancer'. in my mind, it implies that I am was a 'loser'.....in a 'fight' that was never 'fair' to begin with! the cancer will always 'win'. (some day that will change and there will be a cure, but unfortunately we are not there yet).

we never say that about other diseases. you don't hear people saying 'she lost her battle with heart disease' or 'she lost her battle with type 1 diabetes' etc. I don't mind if mbc is mentioned. in fact, I would like it to be mentioned....as the general public has no clue how many women die from this horrible disease. perhaps 'she persevered through many years of mbc and died peacefully surrounded by family' might be appropriate for me. hmmmm. (well obviously hoping it will be peaceful). but I think you get my point.

truly hoping I did not offend anyone. not my intention at all. just sharing my personal views.

nice idea on planting the 'remembrance trees' Chris. I like that.

carole XO

[kokopelli2017]

hi Claire. such a sweet and loving idea in which to both honor and comfort your Dad. I am very sad for you to be going through this emotional time. but how peaceful for your Dad to be in control of his destiny and his final days. I wish voluntary euthanasia was available and legal everywhere. maybe someday.

I don't have a specific poem or reading in mind.....but such a lovely thought on your part. I'm sure you will come up with the perfect sentiment🙏. and I love the idea of music as well.

best wishes to you and your Dad and family.

sending hugs.....

carole 💛