Liver cancer support suggestion for my brother

Hello all. One of my older brothers was diagnosed with liver cancer summer 2021.

Unbeknownst to his siblings, he was drinking heavily the past few years. It caught up to him with this diagnosis.

He lives in Brooklyn several hundred miles from us. We didn’t see him during covid so the alcohol abuse was a surprise. He’s been scared straight so to speak

When I saw him in August I was pleasantly surprised at how he looks. He is 69 and otherwise seems ok which is remarkable given everything.

He’s been sober since his diagnosis. Supposedly, if he remains sober for several more months, he might be a candidate for a liver transplant.

He is single and his young children are far away in another country. He goes to AA and sees a counselor at Sloan Kettering starting this week. He gets lonesome he admits, especially now that covid is surging in NYC again. His usual group of friends is unavailable as a result. He is definitely sad and depressed. I am supportive but far away and not a trained counselor.

I would like to add to his support services. Specifically, I would like to see him join a group like ours. It’s such a good support system. Being available 24/7 to vent is a nice option.

I looked online but didn’t find a good liver cancer group. I’m reaching out to you because you have many good ideas.

Much appreciated

[AvidBooklover]

In haste, the Sloan folks may have a great recommendation for a support group for him!

[Hazelgreen]

You are a loving sister! Did you check out the British Liver Trust? According to Health Unlocked, it has 28,436 members and 14,480 posts so should have some helpful thoughts.

Cheers,

Cindy

[Hidden in reply to Hazelgreen]

Thank you Cindy. I passed this along to him.

[TammyCross]

I did an online support group once by Red Door -- the new name of Gilda's Club. In this small group, there were two men and one woman with liver cancer. That is all we talked about. There is a process -- not difficult -- for joining Red Door.

The best thing I have done for loneliness/isolation, though, is to take in person outdoor dance classes. You actually see people, which is so different, even if we stay 6 feet away. There are quite a few men in the class, most with no background. It is a program for old people. I can see if there are outdoor classes in Brooklyn. There are in Manhattan and the Bronx.

[Hidden in reply to TammyCross]

Thank you. I cut and pasted your post and forwarded it to my brother. Much appreciated.

[TammyCross in reply to Hidden]

The virtual exercise/dance class that I take that is for people with cancer is called "moving for life." The one that has in person classes -- some in senior centers, some outside -- and is more lively is called Dances for a Variable Population. The dancer who created it does a residency at The Yard (in Chilmark) and has guest artists from the Vineyard. I say "old people" casually. Some are in their 50's, some in their 90's, and it accommodates all.

[Hidden in reply to TammyCross]

Thanks.

Are you near Chilmark now? We are dry in eastern MA but I heard Cape & Islands got snow.

[TammyCross]

No, I am in NYC, like your brother, I guess. I am in Manhattan. Everyone around us got snow, but not NYC. Too bad, I say.

I get our house on the Vineyard, in West Tisbury, in late May and late September into October. Just this year, I thought I would actually rent my own house from my nieces, for a couple of weeks in July, because my dance teacher here may be doing a residency at The Yard (but they won't decide exact dates until May, too late to reserve house and ferry.) My niece generously offered to let me rent for two weeks for $12,000. Then I looked into renting a little house close to Menemsha Pond. It used t rent for $3,500/week, but the new owner decided to rent for $6500/week. I might as well take our house for that much, with two guest houses and 5 boats. The tiny guest house at the Menemsha place rents for $2,000/week, but he wants to rent it for a month. -- I am sure this is more than you wanted to know! Just in a quandary what to do about it. -- Oh except writing this to you gave me an idea! While I am in the main house, I could rent our guest house and studio for...$2000 a week for both? Or $1,500 for guest house and $800 for studio? I won't have to pay to rent the boats, some of which are mine, or pay the listing fee, or the expensive house cleaners. Thanks! But that means my friends who usually visit can't. Well, they couldn't visit anyway if i can't afford to rent the whole place.

[Hidden in reply to TammyCross]

Sounds like a “good” dilemma to have? The rental prices you mention seem on par, assuming they’re in decent shape.

I hesitate to offer input on the boat rentals and fees. I don’t know the kind of craft and maintenance needs. We used to have 31 foot Searay power boat we kept in Fiddlers Cove in Falmouth. Great fun.

If your boats are simple paddle boards or kayaks, you could, if you wish, rent them out for the season with little fussing.

If you still enjoy boating though, encourage you to find a way that keeps it in your summer scene, even if only use it once a week. Find a good crew member!

Vacation rentals all over the Cape & Islands went through the roof. Lucky for us last summer, I stumbled upon a fairly priced 2 BR rental off County Road near Fresh Pond. It was a good central location for cycling around Edgartown, OB & VH.

I debated going up island since we have e bikes. But I realized I’d still prefer to sit on a beach rather than cycle up your hills! Plus it was still covid so I didn’t to take a risk on going too far from our rental.

We really enjoyed dining at Alchemy in Edgartown for our July visit. Have you tried it? We ordered from the bar before the rush of people arrived. Great wait staff. Oysters were special. Great trick to get around not having reservations we learned. I recommend it.

Now you’ve got me thinking of summer! We’ll have to figure out what to plan. We are fortunate in that my sister has a camp on a lake in Maine and good friends have a place in Dennis. Quick 1-2 night getaways with them are lovely. I especially enjoy the bike trail from Dennis to Chatham. Lunch at Chatham Bars Inn is a treat.

I am grateful my husband persuaded me to buy an e bike. With my fatigue, I couldn ride as far or with as much joy. I find great joy and serenity when I am well enough to ride.

[TammyCross]

I think the prices are outrageous, but then expenses are so high. Still, that dinky cabin for $6,500/week, a 7 minute walk to Menemsha Pond, and he isn't renting the boat dock with it? I think there are finds here and there. Just have to luck into them. I thought I had with the Menemsha places, but he jacked up the price. The little guest house isn't too bad.

My nieces rent the place with boats, with $500 a week added for use of the boats: outboard motor (for going across the pond to the beach (Quansoo), 3 kayaks, a beat up old canoe (which only I use), a sunfish that was mine but I understand is barely functional, haven't tried it. I just bought a paddle board. If I rent elsewhere, I will take it with me. Maybe a kayak, too. Otherwise, they all stay at the house. I love them, use them all. The only thing is I don't take out the motorboat alone anymore. Sometimes I can't pull hard enough to start it, and I get tired steering it. Thatis bad. I have to drive to the ocean. I used to run back and forth in the motorboat in the old days.

I don't know Alchemy. Will look into it.

West Tisbury doesn't have hills!

Oh -- Moving for Life -- turns out it was founded by a woman from an old Chilmark family. Amazing my two lifelines in COVID NYC have Vineyard ties.