Do you ever have guilt of living when someone else passes away?

[EvaL]

A lady I know just lost her fight with ovarian cancer, I have known her all my life she is the mother of twins that were in my school class. When I was diagnosed they had a fundraiser for me a big dinner party it was a great turnout I was so blessed and was added to so many peoples prayers. She was diagnosed just a few months after I was diagnosed with my msbc. At that time I just referred to it as Stage 4 breast cancer and every time I saw my oncologist I would ask him how much time do I have.? Yes she is older than I am and I would say since I am younger my health was better. They also really didn’t have a fundraiser for her but I’m sure many prayers were give because I know she is very active in her church.

Why am is still here? Yea maybe god still has something in store for me but I still feel guilty. I have known a couple more people that have past one of a heart condition younger than me so I’m just not understanding this!

[jersey-jazz]

I understand where you are coming from. Do you have children?

[EvaL in reply to jersey-jazz]

Yes I have one daughter and my grandson is a year and a half which I try to spend as much time as I can with him!!

[Aquadog]

I totally understand this! My dearest friend at this very moment is sitting at home waiting to hear the results of her nephew's brain surgery (due to bleeding from a metastatic renal carcinoma tumor). I've known this wonderful young man since he was six and I keep wondering why he's gotten so sick so quickly (diagnosed just this past October) while I've been NEAD since 2017. I don't understand. Definitely feel guilt. But we have those who love us and need us so I try think of that. Sending warm hugs.

[RLN-overcomer]

Wow I definitely have felt the guilt you speak of . I can count 6 friends I loved who succumbed to this disease, and 3 of them in this last 18 months during this pandemic, but I can say prior to this pandemic we spent many amazing/funny moments together with mutual loved ones . Memories, and beautiful moments in time that would get us through there eventual transition to heaven . My guilt comes from the 38 year experienced Oncology/ Dr. who said, that even with his treatment I would not live to see 2008. Well I do sometimes question why I am still here, but I know GOD had a plan for me to help others that were battling breast cancer . The Breast cancer peer support group, and the information on ways to stop, fight, and eradicate this disease led me to do outreach presentations, at my church, other churches, and other community events. This gave me great purpose, and joy. 😇 GOD had a purpose for me to still have NED, for 14 years, but when my time comes I pray my GOD will welcome me with the words come in my good, and faithful servant. Then I will celebrate with all of my loved ones who preceded me.😇

[Merma]

I struggled with this too. Before I got diagnosed, the mother of one my students would sit and chat before she picked up her daughter from aftercare. We were about the same age, but she adopted her daughter much later than I had given birth to mine. We would sometimes just sit and say how exhausted we were.

In April, I was diagnosed with cancer and several months later she was too, but because it was after the school year ended, I didn’t know.. Hers was much later stage and despite valient efforts, she passed away early the next year leaving behind a nine year old daughter. Both of our fatigue was probably due to cancer. But why did I live and she didn’t? A dad of one my other students (who is also a cancer survivor)recognized my survivor’s guilt and counseled me that her cancer was not mine to control.

Fortunately, the girl’s uncle and his wife were able to provide for her, I was able to give the girl a lovely pool party send off with her classmates and their parents. Over the years I have followed up and she recently visited. She is thriving.

I think maintaining a small connection to the daughter really helped me feel peaceful.

I hope you find peace too.

[EvaL]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you and your story. I pray that you are well.

[Merma in reply to EvaL]

❤️ After 2 recurrences, I am NED. I know it’s not permanent, but I live in the present and look for joy every day.🧜‍♀️🏊🏼‍♀️