I probably shouldn't be so transparent but its who I am and I cant help it. I am set up for scans, bloodwork and my xgeva shot on Monday. My oncologist has been on an emergency leave so I havent seen him since January. I saw another oncologist whom I really liked also. I have not had scans in 5 months. However in January I was stable, tumor markers dropped drastically, my bone mets looked to be healing in different places and my ct scan looked good! This was my first scan since starting my treatment. So all was well! Praise God! I am still healing from spine surgery that I had in August 2020 and I am a miracle and for that I am thankful! This season in my life has been difficult and good at the same time. Four months ago my husband who is a 7 year recovering drug addict relapsed. 😥 We have only been married come July 29th for 3 years. I wasnt ready nor prepared for this. It's something I am not familiar with nor how to handle it. He got cleaned up so I thought after the four months but I found out yesterday he was still in relapse which I knew but just didnt want to face it since I am facing my own health challenges. My heart was so broken and I cried out in so much fear. Like how am I going to support him when I need him. I am of course feeling anxious about Monday. I have been feeling unloved, unwanted and unattractive and thinking it's my fault because of the diagnosis 2 yrs ago. So here I am begging God to strengthen me and give me the health I need to walk through this. I am not sure if anyone can relate at all to this but I would love to know if I am not alone. To think of divorce and taking care of myself on a small disability check is so overwhelming to me. I can say that since I have been apart of this group I have found such hope and inspiration! I know God led me to this group. So if any of you lovely ladies can relate or have just a word of wisdom to share I would be so grateful.
God bless each of you,
Michelle
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His relapse is just that a relapse and the cause is undetermined. Relapses happen for a variety of reasons such as not maintaining a support system and sobriety check ins and others. To assume you and cancer are the cause is misleading and thinking like that can be codependency producing and unproductive.
Yes, You can be among other women who deal with both cancer and family addictions at the same time. Help is available.
You may find other resources that suit you better but one place to start to see if you find community connection with people who get your situation is Narcotics Anonymous Family Support Groups.
In a pinch, one can also check out Alanon for partners/families of people addicted to alcohol. Often people at Alanon will understand basic addiction and family systems too. If you cannot find a Nar-Anon group, they should be able to help you find other resources..
Another tentative idea is that some insurance companies pay for addiction counselors who work with spouses of the addicted person. Sometimes, if insurance pays this is another way to proceed... finding an addiction counselor who works with family members.
And as for being too transparent.. You seem right on target to me, asking for the help your situation requires.
Michelle, You have been through so much, and going through so much I hope you can find some in person emotional reciprocity . I am impressed that you are checking out ala-non so immediately. You also may have the option of a one on one addiction counselor who works with spouses. Feeling for you, and impressed with your hard and deep work.. Sending admiration.
And please excuse my typos I need to Siri because my vision is getting pretty blurry from the diabetes that’s been caused by the Piqray that I’m currently on..
Bless your heart! I completely understand about the blurry vision. However mine is from age and I have to keep my reading glasses on top of my head so I dont have look for them. But the funny thing is I will forget they are on my head!! 😆
I can’t relate exactly however for the first four years of my diagnosis was MVC my husband was in a deep depression. He really got out of bed and when he did he was in a foul mood. Until I threatened to leave him if he didn’t get serious help within a month. That I was indeed going to have to go. I was not going to spend the rest of my life miserable and being a caregiver for someone who should’ve been by all intents and purposes taking care of me. I’ve been in the hospital already three times during that for your period and twice since. I am now in my seventh year he’s doing better but in marriages we must support each other. And sickness and health. Mental or physical. And it’s not you do not blame yourself. Our issues are individual and The only advice I can give you is draw boundaries for yourself and make a line that you will not cross and if that line gets crossed and you do what you need to do to make sure that things get back under control or make sure that you’re taking care of yourself first. He must take care of his own addiction and get to an AA. You can support him through an a and they have many programs for that but he must take accountability for his own beliefs. Much love and good luck Ilene
I have to agree with llenealizah. First step is to take care of you. Cancer Care, Gildas Club and other organizations are there to help financially, emotionally, and treatment wise. Perhaps a social worker at the facility where you are being treated. Your health is up to you and those who love you and I hope your husband begins to take care of himself. This is very hard I know🌹
Yes I do that's what's so difficult right now. I need my husband at this moment in my life. He is seeking help! So we have a starting point! Thank you for thinking of me 😊
My heart goes out to you, just know God has never forsaken those who diligently seek Him Psalms 9:10.
I was diagnosed in 2017 with breast cancer and my husband was by my side every step of the way. In 2019 he was diagnosed with Colon cancer during his colonoscopy exam. He chose not to do treatments because of his mother, father and sister dying from cancer.
In June of 2020 we found out that his cancer came back and spread throughout his body, he passed in August 2020. The week after his funeral my met were confirmed and I’m currently in treatment. I don’t have him to lean on and it’s the most devastating thing I ever had to face. I didn’t think I would make it this far or in my right state of mind. I say all this because we are stronger than we think and don’t realize it until we have to go through something. I am a miracle and so are you.
Psalms 9:9 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. I pray that you use the resources that were provided for you and your husband and that God continues to strengthen you.
You are truly an inspiration! So sorry to here of your husbands passing I know that must be hard. Jesus said it is finished! He paid for it all our healing included! By his stripes we are healed! But you are right it's not finished for me yet! God Bless you for you are a mighty warrior!
Also Celebrate Recovery is good. Look up for your area. They are faith based in churches. Also where was you spinal surgery? They wanted to do my neck c2-C6c7/fracture. But praise God I didn’t have it. I did radiation.
Yes I have heard of celebrate recovery. I had my surgery done at Chapel Hill NC. Awesome Womens Cancer Center! God and the whole team of Drs saved my life. I literally was on my way out by the time I made it here. I have a wonderful oncologist and his name is Dr Jolly! It's just like God to give me a Dr named Dr Jolly 🤗 Its been 2 years since diagnosis. So I am so thankful! I am here now waiting to have my scans done. 🙏
Are you being switched off Ibrance? I’m on 100 mg for 6 months when Mets was discovered to cervical spine neck. My wbc and neutrophils run really low. Going to 75 mg. Did you experience that? I’m on exemestane as well.
I am on Letrozole and 75 mg of Ibrance. I have been on it since Sept. I started out on 125mg but I was sick and my WBC and neutrophils were very low. So they put me on 75mg. I hope and pray i dont have to switch anytime soon 🙏 waiting meet with Dr now. All scans and bloodwork are done. 🙏
Sister/warrior, and yes over-comer I am praising GOD for your great results . I do pray your husband will get the help/counseling or group therapy that he truly needs . I know the marriage covenant you, and your husband had with GOD was in sickness, in health, and in good times, and in bad times. I pray your husband will to put you, and himself first. Your husband stayed sober for 7 years, and he can do it again. Stress is a big contributor to addiction relapse. I pray that you, and your husband will get past this hurdle, and have a long happy, and healthy life together😇 Amen, amen, and yesssss Amen.
He has depression and anxiety caused by OCD. He refused proper care from professional psychiatric physicians and we tried RTMS and it was a miracle for two weeks during that treatment I had my real husband back. In some ways I would take addiction over seriously bad mental illness. He makes promise after promise to me and breaks them without understanding it’s like dangling hope in front of someone whose body is a ticking time bomb with metastatic breast cancer. I got home yesterday from yet another paracenteis that drained 5 liters of fluid from my abdomen the last one was three weeks ago and 5.5 liters were removed. I’ve lost so much weight it’s hard to tell I’m so full of fluid. And frustration- he was supposed to drive me and at the last minute said the alarms not working properly and one of us needs to be home. It’s painful both emotionally and physically. We’ve not gone even for a nice drive or walk together in almost two years. We sold our house in Silicon Valley and moved to a new house in auburn a three hour drive near Lake Tahoe. It was supposed to be so we could spend time in nature and take local trips and hikes together and get out of the rat race. Lockdown came immediately after we moved in to a “move in ready house” that turned out not to be and we have to sue the sellers for negligent non disclosure on a number of indelible immovable issues that the sellers did not disclose. My husband had meanwhile also started not taking his required medication doses without telling me and becomes verbally abusive and mean. When I found out he went back on it and he refuses talk therapy or any other thing proved to help him in the past. I had to finally tell him if things did not change by the time I got home from a trip to meet up with five of my mbc friends and spend a week together I was going to file for divorce- the stress level, the major promises he’s broken, his insistence on my overstating how ill I truly am and his leaving me alone 90% of the time and waking me all hours of the night I’d killing me slowly but surely - I’m at my wits end.
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. I do pray your husband will get the help/counseling or group therapy that he truly needs . I know the marriage covenant you, and your husband had with GOD was in sickness, in health, and in good times, and in bad times. 
My Update
Help?!
New Oncologist Continued
Are Frequent Scans Safe.
