Positive thoughts?

[Toomanyquestions]

What do you think of to turn negative thoughts around? I just googled will cancer be cured in the next 10yrs. That’s the most positive thing I’ve googled in months! How do you pick yourself up when you are feeling hopeless or too tired?

[nstonerocks]

Good question, and I don't think any easy answer. I meditate and read my favorite Buddhist authors. I find Buddhism very compassionate and yet pragmatic, which includes accepting illness and death as a part of life. If I'm really getting morose, I take xanax. It helps. I am on a very low dose antidepressant. Thankfully, besides the side effects of the drugs, I do not feel sick. I try to focus on that. Don't isolate yourself, especially when you are scared or down. Therapy -- it has helped me for years and helps to avoid overburdening my loved ones. Gratitude -- try to be thankful every day for the good things in my life, of which there are so many. I may be in denial here, but I don't do a lot of research. It does not help me cope or live my day to day life I have a smart oncologist who, so far, has been spot on with my care. Although I do ask questions and am not unaware of what's going on in cancer research and with my situation, I do not make a second career out of the research. The numbers can be depressing, the details overwhelming. I can only handle so much. We are all different. You find the things that sustain you and lift you up, and you learn what puts you in a tailspin and is overwhelming to you. And sometimes it changes.

[Toomanyquestions in reply to nstonerocks]

Thank you, you always give such great replies. I’m so wound up it stops me from relaxing in to meditation. I have young children and I really want to believe I’ll be here for a long time. I’ve had such negative thoughts all day. I was watching them playing earlier and I just felt overwhelmingly sad. I need to turn that around somehow. I will try meditation again. Also you are right about research X

[nstonerocks in reply to Toomanyquestions]

My oncologist told me this when I was newly diagnosed. A patient of hers had young children and was desperate to live long enough to raise them. This was over a decade before Ibrance and the other drugs that have come along. She did, and now she and husband travel. Of course, her clinical situation is unique to her and there are no guarantees, but at diagnosis she was around your age. It’s hard not to know year to year how this will go for any of us. I think having young children must make this so much harder, and my heart goes out to the mother in you. Are you getting any help for the emotional end of this? Sometimes this b@st@rd disease is bigger than we are and we need help. It’s going to be a journey, as overused as that word is. There will be better days ahead, then something will rock you. I have found the longer I live with this, the easier it has become and the more “normal” my life has become. But never easy. If you are not on any anxiolytics or antidepressant, you might consider a little chemical help. Whatever it takes to put this disease in its place and go live your life and raise your kids. 💕

[The-artist in reply to Toomanyquestions]

Honey you are focusing to much on the negative and not on the positive. In your situation with your children I understand completely. But start replacing the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Start thinking about what you are going to do with your children when you get better and rid of this situation. So just remember soon as you have a negative replace it with a positive. Hope this helps honey.

[nstonerocks]

Thanks so much Sandra. Unlike you, I was a fairly anxious and sub clinically depressed person who presented with a lot of wit and bravado to cover it up. My parents, good hardworking people, had tough lives which made them live like the other shoe was always going to drop. Dad was pretty critical. It wasn’t easy. I was really working on it for decades. Then this. Holy sh;t. I did a nosedive. I tried to crack up and take a Vacation from my mind. I was stunned. It took months of not wanting to get out of bed, sitting in the couch wrapped up in a blanket (it was July), living ever day like it was a funeral. Then I realized I couldn’t live like this. It took and still takes Herculaneum effort to rise up and embrace life. I’m better off now in many ways than I have ever been. I go to therapy, take meds, study Buddhism, meditate and try to let go of resentment and disappointment. For me it has been a very deliberate effort. Some days I’m in the toilet. But I don’t stay there. I appreciate my life more than ever. I am so much better than I felt in Monday thank you. It’s my off week and I’m trying to eat right, nap and take my supplements. Thank you for always following up on me. I wish we could all meet and celebrate one another! Wouldn’t it be great if Share had a meet up for us online gals? Until then, hugs, prayers and blessings💕

Nancy

[SusieIM]

Good question, hard to answer. I am usually a positive person, but at times I get down. What works for me is reaching out to someone, a caring friend, family member. Just talking often lifts me out of the dumps. I am working on excerisng more, learning some yoga.

[Barbteeth in reply to SusieIM]

Hi there

Please try yoga..will really help you and you just do whatever you’re capable of ...nobody’s bothered as they’re concentrating on their own breathing and postures..I do two sessions a week

Barb xx

[Julie2233]

Winston Churchill said, when you are going through hell, keep going. That is a good mantra. We all have days when it is so hard, but realising that tomorrow will be better is what keeps me going. One foot in front of the other and small steps will get you through. Its so important to cry and grieve but see it as a stage you need to go through and let yourself believe that you will come through it.

I think the best advice I ever had was to be kind to myself. I do the daughter test, what would I be telling my daughter if she was in my position. I find that's usually the best advice I can give myself

Let yourself look forward to when you will be feeling better, make plans. That is so hard for those of us in this position but planning for the future gives you something to aim for. Just don't put pressure on yourself or beat yourself up because you can't achieve them now. It's the whole point that they are future plans, and they don't need a timescale, they don't need to be huge either.

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Julie2233]

Thank you that is good advice. I’m having a low day today so thank you for writing X

[Julie2233 in reply to Toomanyquestions]

Bad days are just part of the deal, but for me they got fewer as I went on and started to get my head round things 🙂

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Julie2233]

I’m looking forward to not being all consumed by this. It’s all I think about at the moment X

[Julie2233 in reply to Toomanyquestions]

I know, for me it was like a squash ball bouncing around inside my head, I just couldn't get away from, but it does get better

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Julie2233]

How long did it take you and was there something you did that made your thoughts change? I’m so negative!

[Julie2233 in reply to Toomanyquestions]

I'm a year down the road from my mbc diagnosis and 3 years on from my initial bc diagnosis. It was something that happened slowly, to start there were all bad days, then the odd good day and gradually as my head adjusted the good days started to out number the bad ones. I think I just got bored of being constantly worried and down

[Barbteeth in reply to Julie2233]

Hi julie

I love the daughter test...I’m going to remember that...we have a habit of not following our own advice

Barb xx

[Julie2233 in reply to Barbteeth]

I had it pointed out to me that I was far harder on myself than I'd expect other people to be on themselves. I think most of us are and it's so difficult not to be Jxx

[Red71 in reply to Barbteeth]

I do the grandchild test! How do I want them to see me and what do I want them to learn from seeing me deal with this beast? The oldest is only 8. When they are 18 I want them saying that I was grandma, not a person with cancer!

[Julie2233 in reply to Red71]

My aunts gave me a wonderful gift, I saw them live with breast cancer. They didn't give up but continued to enjoy life as best they could. My memories of them are so positive - I'm sure you are giving your grandchildren the same wonderful lesson, that we might have a serious illness but we don't let it define us.

[Red71 in reply to Julie2233]

What a great legacy they left you! No one wants this disease, but if we have it we might as well make the best of it! Elaine

[Collswims]

I go for a swim, walk, yoga or a really long bike ride and wear myself out so I can’t even think about cancer. Then I try to make some healthy food and sleep.

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Collswims]

Wow that is very active. Where are your mets? Are you on Ibrance? I just have no energy X

[Hidden]

Morning Ellie,

How are you feeling today? I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with negative thoughts. We all do at times. I just try to minimise those occasions and try to push those thoughts aside. They take up too much energy and can leave you feeling drained, exhausted and not in the best shape.

I don't just look at the drugs I have to take as medicine. My diet, exercise, lifestyle and attitude is also my medicine. Having a calm and happy disposition can have tangible physical benefits. Even doctors have to admit that! If I feel my heart racing or I am anxious about something I sometimes have a lie down and take a few deep breaths.

It's also important to make plans and to have something to look forward to. My diary is full of upcoming events. The thing is, it is possible to still live our lives, even if it seems hard at times.

You might want to talk to your GP or oncologist about your feelings. They might recommend antidepressants or a counsellor.

Take care,

Sophie ❤

[Toomanyquestions]

Thanks Sophie, it’s always nice to hear from you. I have new sleeping pills so I’ve actually slept for 3 nights in a row. Hopefully that will mean more energy. I’m still really struggling with the children. Trying to put in a brave face for then is so hard. I wish I could have your attitude! X

[Hidden in reply to Toomanyquestions]

Hi Ellie,

I'm pleased to hear that you have been able to sleep well recently. That can make all the difference. I feel so much better when I have slept well. I like to sleep about nine hours. I know a lot of people can get by on less, but that seems to be the right amount of sleep for me. Even as a child, I couldn't handle it if I didn't sleep well. I would have headaches and feel really irritable.

I know what you mean about putting on a brave face for your children. I did the same with my husband as I was going through the diagnostic process before I knew for sure that I had breast cancer. I went to my initial breast exam, mammogram, and ultrasound on my own. When I learned I needed a breast biopsy I kept that to myself at first, before I finally told my husband. He was shocked and told me to be more open with him, rather than going it alone.

So while I don't recommend telling your children everything, as they are still very young, I would suggest you speak to your husband about your feelings. But when you are spending time with your children I would try to immerse yourself in what they are doing, or taking an interest in their homework (do they get homework at their age?) or other activities. With half term coming up maybe you can make some plans to spend more time together. That might help take your mind off how you are feeling.

Sophie x

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. It’s so hard. X

[Hidden in reply to Toomanyquestions]

You're welcome. I hope you had a better day today. x

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Hidden]

Wish I could say yes! Having terrible panic attacks. I thought spring would cheer me up but it’s so beautiful and makes me think how have a messed up so badly. I’m going to miss so many things with my children. Very sad today x

[Hidden in reply to Toomanyquestions]

Hi Ellie,

Panic attacks are horrible. Please don't suffer in silence or on your own. Can you call your husband, oncology nurses or someone else if you feel a panic attack coming on? If you feel one coming on try to lie down, elevate your feet and regulate your breathing until help comes.

Please let me know how you get on.

Sophie ❤

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Hidden]

Do you mind if I email you? X

[Hidden in reply to Toomanyquestions]

Of course. I'll PM you my email address. I'm heading back out to work soon though so may not be able to respond until tonight. I just popped home for lunch. x

[The-artist]

Just give it to God and do not focus on the cancer focus on things you enjoy. I crochet or work on puzzles or jigsaws on line. Sometimes I forget I have cancer until a commercial come on tv or something on the internet. Have you ever heard the saying that what you focus on gets larger? I think it’s true. That is my thoughts. Even when I’m on the table in middle of pet scan I keep my eyes closed an visualize what color of swatches to put together on my afghan I’m crocheting. This is what works for me.

[Toomanyquestions in reply to The-artist]

It’s hard with young children x

[The-artist in reply to Toomanyquestions]

I know but just give it a try. What have you got to lose but the bad thoughts.

[Toomanyquestions in reply to The-artist]

Thank you. I get very bad panic attacks. How long have you had MBC? X

[The-artist in reply to Toomanyquestions]

I have bad panic attacks to. I would love to get rid of them. They call it white coat syndrome or something like that. I’m not afraid to go to the dr so why have them. They started when my mom got sick and in hospital about 2007. Mom has been gone since 2010 but they aren’t any better. I would love to have a pill or something to stop them! I’ve had stage 4 since 11/18

[Toomanyquestions in reply to The-artist]

Same as me. Why am I freaking out so much more than other people?

[The-artist in reply to Toomanyquestions]

What coincided with your attacks? Mine was my mom in hospital so I assume it was here fear of dying plus the drs gave her a test that started the whole thing and eventually her death.

[Toomanyquestions in reply to The-artist]

Having surgery to put rods in my femurs x

[Francesca10 in reply to Toomanyquestions]

Its not uncommon. Every person has their own coping skill and mine goes bust once in a while! That’s when I take an Ativan. I also started to talk to a therapist that gets it. I need to vent- that has always helped me. You will find what works for you. 😘

[KarenHale]

I memorize a Bible verse. I got a list of healing Bible verses and every day I would write a new one down and when I started to feel panicked or depressed I would just repeat the Bible verse.

[BuoyantCat]

Cognitive therapy is the most used therapy for changing your thinking. For one day write down every negative thought you have. There will be many you don’t catch but that’s ok. Next day look at it and for each negative thought write the opposite which will generally be the most truthful. Challenge these thoughts and write down a fair assessment of whether that negative thought is really true or are your thoughts just a tape playing of your family members negativity or teachers who were very critical. On Day 3 every time you think a negative thought picture a big red stop sign in front of you. Then immediately think or say something positive about yourself or the circumstance. If you do this consistently your automatic thought will become more positive. If you haven’t already read it Joyce Meyer wrote a book called battlefield of the Mind. I think it will really help you. I wish you all the best

St Paul wrote in Philippians 4:8 NIV

Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.