Trying to trust: Hello beautiful... - SHARE Metastatic ...

SHARE Metastatic Breast Cancer

3,965 members4,705 posts

Trying to trust

Staceyness
Staceyness

Hello beautiful friends. Just needing some encouragement today. I'm getting ready to head back to work part time in two days (I teach grade 3). I'm feeling really nervous about facing everyone and lately I've had strong abdominal pain that comes and goes ( I have lobular BC with mets to liver and peritoneal lining). I've also been working out though and wondering if this pan could be stress or muscular pain. I've had a pretty great summer with my family and enjoyed having my little haven at home. I guess I'm scared heading back to reality when everyone knows about my condition and acts weird around me (not my close friends but others). How do you keep your courage up? Is it really possible to survive this disease long term? Today I feel like I need your words of wisdom, prayers and reasons for hope. I know I'm in Gods hands and I work every day on trusting Him more, but sometimes I need to hear "out loud" from people who truly understand what we wake up with every day. Thanks for being here. This is my support group even though I've never met any of you❤️

31 Replies
oldestnewest

Hello Stacey!

I hope your first day back at work goes well for you. I'm self-employed, so don't really understand what you must be feeling as you prepare to see your work colleagues again. But what I would day is that it's up to you to set the tone. If you want to talk to your colleagues about your illness, then that is up to you. I hope they will be respectful if you choose not to discuss it though.

I take courage from others going through the same as me, my faith, family and certain friends who have been so loving and supportive. I also feel a measure of control as I try to stay active, lead a normal life and care for my health.

Take care,

Sophie 💘

Hello!

Like you I was really nervous about heading back to work after I was diagnosed. The teachers and administrators in my school district ( I’m a Curriculum Director) knew I was out on medical leave but only my family, close friends and boss know I have MBC. Luckily, I was able to work from home over the summer and on days I’m not feeling 💯 my boss (a breast cancer survivor) totally gets it and let’s me modify my schedule. I’m not sure if I’m going to stay in this position as it is stressful and I want to focus on healing and spending time with my family.

Wishing you all the best as you head back to the classroom ( 3rd grade was my favorite grade to teach). The weirdness will fade. I like to think that folks have good intentions but it is hard to understand our illness if you are not going through it. Sending ❤️!

Hello Stacey

I’m not wise, but I’ll share ❤️ When I came back to work (as a school nurse so same environment) after chemo I spilled my guts to a lot of people. Now I regret it as I wish a I kept this to people who were a part of my life and who loved me vs work colleagues. I wish I controlled who knew this big detail about me. I can’t take the info back but now I politely acknowledge concerns but I don’t discuss. Have a nice response ready that expresses your gratitude for their concern but doesn’t go into details. Nice that you can start back slowly. See how it goes. Hydrate! I’d ask your doctor about the abd pain. Are you overdoing the exercise? Maybe more yoga like exercise than workout exercise? Try gentle yoga or yoga for cancer patients. Get yourself some meditation tapes and listen to them every day. Very centering. Try Tara Brach or Kris Carr. Go to Kris Carr’s website. She has a stage 4 cancer so she gets it. Very uplifting and tons of content for body mind and spirit. Keep a gratitude journal. Call SHARE. They will set you up with a person in your clinical situation who will chat with you. I’ve done it 3 times when I thought I was going to crash and it was extremely helpful. What do you love to do? Do it. Make plans to do it. For me one thing is travel. It’s been a great way for me not to live cancer 24/7. This $h;t is scarey and takes up a lot of our time and interferes with our lives. You have cancer but you are not cancer. I take a small dose of antidepressant which helps. Load up some of your favorite songs in an iPod and plug in. Plan something fun on your days off. Even sitting outside with a good book or going to lunch w a friend. Have you thought about therapy If the anxiety and fear is overwhelming ? It’s a ride. It’s been 4 years for me. I’m pretty stable so far on Ibrance and just switched to Faslodex from letrozole because a few spots in my lungs grew a little. There are a lot of med combos out there and lots of new therapies in the works. Best of luck returning to work. Let us know how it goes.

You can use this as a ministry tool. When people can see how joyful you are through something like this they can wonder if there really is a God (if they don’t already believe). Besides you’re already healed .... Jesus already died on the cross for you. Claim your healing every day and memorize every healing Bible verse you can. When you know you’re healed true peace will follow.

Staceyness
Staceyness in reply to KarenHale

They've really only seen me being joyful and positive. I guess I'm scared of losing it at work. You're so right though🎚

You are all so right. Thanks for being there in my weak moments. Praying for all of us🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻👆🏻⚓️🌊😇😇

Staceyness, The picture you attached is beautiful, and says it all. We are all in God’s hands. He said himself “I will never leave, nor forsake you. “Hebrews 13:5

I will be praying for you😇❣️🙏🏻

Staceyness
Staceyness in reply to Kelliedye

Thanks so much❌⭕️🙏🏻

We are all trying to trust! The first day may be tpugh but getting back to work truly will be a Godsend for you! Once you are with those beautiful children all other thoughts of our situation will leave you. You will lose your self in the joy of teaching. I taught for 35 years and miss it. I could use teaching again myself to ward off the insanity of MBC! You will be wonderful and alffect those kid's lives! There is nothing better! Hugs

Hi , I don’t like talking about my condition and from the beginning I decided to only share with my boss and later on I mentioned to my two friends. I don’t know why, but I always thought that everyone has their own little problems and no one would understand what I am dealing with. Everybody around me thinks I am the happiest and luckiest person they know .... and I am thinking: I never be a mom, I never grow old , I never see my husband old and the list goes on and on ...... hmmm thinking about I have to be a very good actress

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m 46, and was diagnosed with MBC at 44. I do have children, (5) and a grand on the way. ( Ages 21-7 ) And I have days like you’re having. I sometimes think about not seeing my children grow up. Not being with my husband later in life. It tears my heart out. But I know that I have to think positive. And I know only God knows the number of days that I have left. And I don’t want to spend the time I do have left being scared and sad. I still have my bad times but I don’t let myself stay there too long. I hope you can have more good days than bad. I’ll be praying for you❣️💕

😇💕🙏🏻 Abundant Blessings 🙏🏻❣️

Thank you for your kind words, I am very positive the most of the time :) , but sometimes it hits me hard.... x

Sometimes it hits us all hard and then it passes. It is ok that this happens. We are here for you!

Hello, Stacey!

I'm so sorry for your stress! It would seem to me that there is a possibility that some of the pain may be psychosomatic? You've had a wonderful, peaceful summer vacation and are now heading back to the sometimes frenetic and anxiety-provoking realities of teaching. Believe me, I speak from experience. I taught high school for about seven years in a previous life; as September approached, I always developed this anxious pit in my stomach and felt so depressed that summer was nearly over and I'd be back in the grind once again. No wonder I left teaching for grad school! LOL!

I reread your earlier posts and see that you started therapy on Ibrance; were you able to continue on the 125mg regimen or has your dosage been lowered? These meds can cause lots of aches at various points in your cycle. Mine seem to primarily revolve around my Xgeva shot; for several days after, I have pronounced pain in many of my joints.

You are brave to share with friends outside your family. Thus far, I have only shared with my family and one close friend. When I was first diagnosed with BC in 2000, I told EVERYBODY and felt that I could use my situation to encourage fellow moms and friends to keep up with mammograms, etc. This time, with MBC diagnosis in November, 2017, I've been much more guarded. Everyone handles this news in a different way.

Please hang in there, Stacey! Once school has started and you are back in the rhythm of your classroom, life will likely seem more normal again. Please know that you, along with all these sisters we share, are in my nightly prayers! God bless you!!

XO Linda

Good morning,, I have bone mets and I teach head start, I have been bck at work for two weeks and I'm working full time. Things feel the same but I didn't tell people I work with everything because I didn't want to feel like they feel pity for me but they knw I had breast cancer. Trust in the Lord more and he will take care of everything else. Yes this disease is long term, we are fighting and living for a cure!! Have a great day!

Best wishes for an easy transition back to school! Keep positive new medications are ready to come out and the current ones are amazing with achieving long term survival. ❤️

Hello,

I also teach grade 3, well now grade 2. I felt the same way going back to work. Also I only told like a few people but everyone knew. I wore a wig for the 1st 3 months then super short hair for the rest of the year. I felt so self conscious and the same way that everyone would pity me or act weird around me.

You’ll be happy to know it was quite the opposite. Everyone was just down to business, encouraging and if anything looked up to me because they were amazed at how strong and powerful I was to have gone through all this.

I actually felt better going to work because I not only felt needed but the support I got from colleagues was amazing and it kept me going. Teachers are a special breed of people who are caring.

The first couple of weeks will take some adjusting but after that, it pretty much goes back to normal.

Make sure you express your health with your principal so he or she supports you if you need time off or need to go home early.

Good luck!

Lynn

I'll be praying for you. He gives such peace in this mess. He's the only one who can. I will be healed. If not here in heaven. I have such faith and love him so much. 98% of the time I don't even think about it. I just try to live my life until I die as all people really should do. My husband could drop dead of anything or be in an accident. I could outlive him. I pray you have peace and have fun at work.

Good morning to u. It is interesting how a group of women that u don’t know can offer so much support! I feel the same way. Just go back to work as u normally would, things will fall back into place once u get into the routine of your job and will be a positive distraction for u. I feel working even though part time, still makes me feel that I have a purpose and there is more to me than being a cancer patient. Go to work and don’t worry what people think or say about u, they probably have their own battles that u know nothing about! Good luck and go forward!

I give you credit for going back to work. I would have, I liked my job. But I was 71 when diagnosed and thought I might as well relax at this point. You may feel better going to work it will normalize your life again. When people ask me how I am I always smile and say I am good. Teaching third graders will keep you busy. Be sure to use a lot of sanitizer. You did not say how old you are. I wish you luck just be kind to your self when you get home. Let us know how it went.

You guys are the BEST! I'm so thankful for all of you and will continue to pray for each one of us. Sending you all a huge hug and many many thanks for your encouragement and courage sent. I may reread these messages every day for the first few weeks🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❌⭕️🌈🌈🌈

PS: I'm 48 and would really love to see my son graduate high school this year and my daughter graduate and get married in about 2 years. These are the desires of my heart❤️

mariootsi
mariootsi in reply to Staceyness

How did your first day go? Wonderfully I hope!

Staceyness
Staceyness in reply to mariootsi

It was great! I was tired afterwards but it felt so good to be normal for awhile. Thanks for checking in. I so appreciate your thoughtfulness❤️👆🏻⚓️🌊

mariootsi
mariootsi in reply to Staceyness

I was also a teacher. I know the kids will be the best medicine for you to get out of the " cancer world"

Hi Stacey!

Just started back to school today! I work in a special needs classroom...have a wonderful support system here...I know people sometimes wonder if we can or should be working but in my opinion as long as I can I will be working the job I love...♥️

First off my goodness 3rd graders, you need a prayer for that! No really I think you will be surprised at how things will fall into place. You sound very positive and I don’t see any problems. Most people don’t understand our disease and when you explain it they are like you will always have it! Being a Nurse I always seem to want to over explain, just me. Everyone doesn’t need to know if you feel uncomfortable. Mostly only my close friends know that’s the way I prefer it. I hope your day went well today and I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers.

Wishing you well as you head back to school. I'm sure you'll pour yourself into your students and job and will even have moments and perhaps days when you won't think of yourself as a "cancer patient." We're all so much more. This cancer part is just one aspect. Yes, we have to deal with it, but it doesn't have to define us. Hold your head high and accept the love and well wishes from those on this board and those in your life. And, it is possible to survive long term. There's a couple women on here who've been going 16, 20 years strong. I'm on year six with MBC. We can get through this! YOU can get through this. Take good care! xo Lynn

yes it is possible to survive for many many many years. no one is guaranteed a tomorrow. go to school, hold your head up high and carry on. no one needs to know about private health issues! tell one or two of your closest colleagues if you feel like you want to. but i think that the minute your head gets into the classroom - you are going to forget about the cancer....keep your mind in the present. tell yourself you will worry about your cancer every day from 4pm - 4:15pm and that is it! then focus on those little nuggets you are teaching and inspiring and show them you are the bomb!! good luck. breathe.

My daughter and brother are teachers and I really admire the work they, and all teachers, do and don't know that I would ever have been able to handle teaching! I was still working when I was diagnosed and was in a position where I really needed to tell people about the mbc diagnosis. Everybody reacted in their own way but mostly were supportive. I think the advice here about only telling a few really close , people is probably best for most of us. But I mostly wanted to tell you that I've been living with mbc, invasive lobular bc, for over 14 years, and that lobular often responds well and for a long time to hormonal treatment. I am 72 now and have other health "issues" that are bigger problems on a day to day basis than the cancer ever has been. I've never had symptoms from the cancer, though I have had side effects from treatment. But if you saw me out and about, you would never guess that I have cancer or that I have serious medical issues. If you haven't seen an onc who is a bc specialist, that is something to consider. The top cancer centers in the US are those called "Comprehensive Cancer Centers" and they have bc specialist oncs who see patients and do research and are very up to date about treatment. It takes some digging, but there is a list of those CCCs on the website of the National Cancer Institute. After my initial staging, my local onc suggested I see a bc specialist and got me an appointment in about ten days. I hadn't felt the need to seek out a second opinion but it was very reassuring, and now it gives me alot of comfort knowing I can go back there. My onc just retired........ and that's been stressful! lol She's been my security blanket!

How was your first day back at work? Did you enjoy the 3rd graders? My son is in the 3rd grade, he does not like it at all.

Hi

I retired when I was diagnosed with mbc but I’m still a partner in the business ( dental practice).. therefore had to show my face at some point..there are about 30 staff and they are all aware of my disease

I just contacted one of my colleagues..told her I was coming in for a meeting and wanted to be treated normally

I just marched into the staff room where some were having lunch and said hello..made myself a coffee and talked about mundane stuff

That’s how I dealt with it because people don’t know how to react or try to avoid you..difficult for us all

Barb xx

You may also like...