I may be new to this site but i am not new to this wretched affliction.I have been suffering with it for about 35 years since the age of 20.I decided to write here because i feel that i can only confide in people who know what one of my greatest pains feels like.Since the quarantine began i have been thinking that i accomplished everything I wanted:got a well paying job as an electrical engineer which enabled me to travel to locations I have always dreamt of going to,married the woman of my dreams who I would never have been able to battle my depression without, raised two successful and in my opinion truly good kids and even saw my very own grandkids .I passed the torch to the next generation and did what was expected of me.But as all times come to pass so did the time of bliss for me.Since the begining of this year my depression sky rocketed and so I had to start taking a high dose of antidepressants but in return my RLS went nuts.I can't give up my antidepressants right now as they help me keep my suicidal tendencies at bay but my rls is imparing my life a great amount because of them.So I have decided that it's my time to go.My time to tell God that he can't fire me because i quit.Already know what my tombstone will say:"Here lies Oldman793;He lived as he died:restlessly"Thus ends my repertoire for you .I hope that they think of some magical pill that as little girls tend to put it at beauty contests:Bring world peace.Of course i am just joking but in that joke lies some of what I truly wish for which is some magic pill that can take away the pain.Anyway have a nice day.Bye.
I can appreciate a little how it must be to be in the dilemma of being torn between your depression and your RLS. They are both a torment and they can both leave you feeling powerless to deal with them.
I may be being presumptious but I infer from what you write that you had some ideas about what you wanted from your life i.e. a well paid job which gives you prestige and a position in society, your dream wife, your children and making a success of bringing them up. Now you've achieved that.
Those things may have given purpose and meaning to your life, but it seems they're now completed and I'm guessing only, perhaps you now feel a lack of meaning or purpose. Perhaps also, you valued yourself because you achieved these things and are now wondering what value have you?
I'm assuming a lot, I know, but these are the sorts of things that cross my mind.
It doesn't sound as if there's being a particular specific event that's led to your depression so you might benefit from re-evaluating what your life is NOW about and what you can NOW achieve that will help you value yourself.
I would ask you not to do anything rashly without first considering that. If you've only been offered antidpressants this is obviously insufficient and you may benefit from some psychological therapy such as CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) as well.
It may be that you could also seek some spiritual help in whatever form you wish.
When I was younger I had some profound experiences of what is commonly referred to as "oneness" and although I've been unable to recapture that experience I remember that and I know it's possible and it gives meaning to existence that's beyond the mundane, career, family etc.
There may also be still things that you haven't tried for your RLS. It may also help to find some way of accepting it, rather than struggling with it. Admittedly easier said than done.
Please talk to someone about your feelings. If you live in the UK, Samaritans are there for you. There may be similar organsations where you live.
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I know what you mean about "oneness" as you put it.When I was younger (21-22) I would get piss drunk and get into fights (got a scar on my nose thanks to that).I did that because i had(and still do to some extent) because self esteem issues because my father would verbally abuse me a lot and it gave me a sense of being "the big man" and that i was more than the rest.Then one day my drinking buddy died in a car crash and I reevaluated my life and realise how lucky I was to be alive and that God must have been protecting me .Thats the "oneness" I felt and antidepressants have not really worked all that well so I will perhaps look for a therapist.
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As I wrote CBT can be effective and I have tried Mindfulness CBT which has a non-religious spiritual aspect to it.
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And you are right to assume that the things I strive for gave me a sense purpose.
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And yes my life isn't as joyous as one would expect and I realise that but I am content with what has passed and as I saidi may just end it on a high note.
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There may be high notes yet to achieve!
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I don't know. Don't see myself being the old grandpa that looks after the kids every weekend.
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You don't have to be the old grandpa. You're a person in your own right.
Think beyond family.
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Maybe I'll take to hunting .Always wanted to try it.
Maybe I will try carpenting.As for my rls i read some guidelines somewhere that go with check ferritin levels ... and end with "If all else isn't working there are meds".And I am stopping my antidepressants because they are doing jack for my depression (as I still have suicidal thoughts) and just making my rls worse.Before it was sporadic and bothersome enough to where a strong painkiller helped me get at least 5 hours of sleep on those nights.
Dear Oldman793, first of all I'd like to welcome you to this online group and, like others, encourage you to not do anything rash. I, too, am saddened to read about your situation, but please stay strong.
I've been part of this online community for about two years or so and I'm so pleased I joined. You can use it to have a rant if you so desire, other members do that when they are having a bad period, and we don't mind, but also when people provide all the details of their situation and 'management plan' for the condition (health checks, treatments, medications etc) quite often members on here give better and much more thorough advice than many doctors. I find it very beneficial to just read about other people's situation and the advice they are given from more experienced members. This is such a complicated and quite unknown condition that I try to absorb or save as much information on the different treatments or approaches to managing it as possible so I am prepared as much as possible when I see my doctor or neurologist.
I'm sure you would get a multitude of good advice/suggestions from members if you were to tell us all about any other medications you take for other conditions, likewise any supplements you take, if you've had any blood tests done, what medications you take for RLS etc. The more information you give us the better the advice will be.
There are anti-depressants you can try, such as Wellbutrin, although one always has to wait a week or three to see if they work. Also, if you can find the right doctor, there are other newer possibilities for extreme, refractory depression such as ketamine infusions. Does your doctor know that you are seriously considering suicide? If not, tell him.
Do you take any other meds that could contribute to your depression? Many do, including benzos and most BP meds.
Can you afford to travel (apart from the COVID glitch). Shumbah, who has regularly written here, was treated by a doctor in New York who treats both intractable depression and RLS, with buprenorphine and, I think, ketamine.
If you search for her posts on this forum you will find the details of the NY Clinic. Shumbah went for RLS, but his clinic is specifically for severe depression. (Buprenorphine is used for both RLS and severe depression).
I live in the middle of nowhere in Africa, but even here I could find a medical ketamine clinic.
I respect how you feel. But give it another try, please.
I will talk with my doctor as soon as the pandemic dies down a bit because he doesn't so telehealth and I don't wish to be the bridge between the virus and my family.
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I find that doing something creative and something charitable that helps people gives both a sense of achievement and a sense of value.
Interacting with people in a positive and giving way can be very rewarding.
Please don’t do anything rash. We all understand how you feel and this is a very difficult time. My heart goes out to you. Your family loves you and we care a great deal. Manerva is a very wise man. Please take what he says to heart. ❤️
Please don’t give up like this talk to your doc some days I feel like this next day I am fine I try to learn live like this I am married with three children lost my husband 15 year ago four grown up grand children but night time I am suffering alone walk around all night around the bed upstairs downstairs but some night I take two Co codamol plus my two premipoxle then have good sleep so life goes on . I was 24 when this beast start attacking me (rls) I am now 70 so if I can suffer for 50 year I can do it for more. I goes for morning walk about five miles now some days With few of my friends. Think about people spend there life like cabbage In bed .so my dear just try to be happy when you don’t have restless legs during the day.keep talking to us I join this group three months ago and it’s really helping me so there is so many of us suffering.i have tried Gabapentin ametriptyne as well but premipoxle and strong painkillers can help me some nights
There was a time in my life where my marriage failed, the kids left home, I hated my job, was in a new area where I knew no one. There was a very large oak tree on my way home from work. My life was so worthless that I made the decision to drive fast straight into the tree! But that tree had been there growing happily for hundreds of years. So majestic! So I couldn't hurt it!
20 years on, I have remarried, got two beautiful grandchildren and am an artist, which I love. I'm so lucky to be alive, even with these awful fidgety legs!
Dont give up, there's a new life around the corner!
I have always valued the passion artists put into their work even though my (metaphoricaly) degradated art gland prevents me from truly grasping art pieces most of the time,haha.I don't hate my job.I'd say that out of most of the jobs that promote sustainable living it is on top of my "Don't really mind doing it" but it has stripped me of passion.Maybe I'll try a different form of engineering like softoware engineering because in a way I see it as an art because you can make everything as long as you can imagine it.I have a little cute cherry tree in my back yard that has sadly caught an "ilness" from the previous cherry tree planted there.Had I known that if you plant another tree of the same kind where another ill tree used to grow i would have chosen a different kind of plant .
If you can get a prescription for Wellbutrin, it could help both the depression and the RLS. Wellbutrin seems to be the only antidepressant that doesn't aggravate RLS. You seem to suffer from low self esteem despite your very real accomplishments. Perhaps some form of meditation or self hypnosis would be beneficial. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy also helps some people.
See, I told you we care about you. You have gotten a lot of replies to your posts 😊 I like Manerva’s suggestion about volunteering for a charity. It is very rewarding. I also have a suggestion for you. I have been having a lot of fun on Ancestry.com. I have traced my ancestors back to the 1700’s it’s fun to get to know a little or a lot about them. All kinds of records are available to read and help with your search. My mom was adopted and I was able to trace her bio family through DNA and searching old records. I found pictures of her father and some siblings and cousins. Unfortunately my mom passed in May. But I’m so happy that I had been able to show her the pictures before she passed. We could actually see some family resemblance which really made her happy. My senior year in college I had flown to Seattle for a job interview. When I got off the plane I found a newborn baby girl abandoned in the rest room. She is in her 40’s now and I have been able to identify who her bio mom is and also a brother and sister. I’m still working on finding her bio father. So, find something you would enjoy
Please talk to us every day we all are in same boat so don’t get dishearted .my English is not so good so please forgive me but we all are here to share your pain
I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way Oldman793. Your post brought me to tears. This IS truly a great group of people who not only share a horrid affliction but share wonderful resources and advise. We care about you and your well being! Unfortunately, RLS and depression seem to go hand in hand. I personally could relate to what you have written here. During my lifetime I periodically suffered with depression. In February ( congruent with the onset of Covid in the US)I reduced my DA way too quickly and suffered serious depression. I am currently taking Wellbutrin which does not exacerbate RLS. I’m not sure what kind of anti depressant medication you are or were taking, but some meds make RLS worse. In addition, you should get your ferritin level tested. An iron infusion really made a difference for me. There is hope and some relief for RLS. PLEASE stay with this group! We care. People love you.
Hey there. It made me so sad to read your post. I’ve felt very similarly before and I just hate that you are going through this. I wondered if you have looked into ketamine infusions for depression? I stumbled upon an article about it while looking into Dr Glen Brooks who Shumba visited in New York. He treated her for RLS, but he also specializes in ketamine infusions. There are incredible success stories from people who have had depression for years and years. I believe that it does not trigger RLS, but I couldn’t find a ton of research to back this. It would be worth looking into. I’m not sure where you live, but if you google search Ketamine treatments near me you should find something. If you are in the UK, I found this website. Best of luck to you friend.
Thanks Jimbo.I am compiling options to trewt my depression and I will add what you suggested.I visited your profile and you mention some Dr.Bichfucher.Could you tell me how your treatment is going so far?
Of course. I am taking 1200 mg of Horizant with dinner every evening. That is the only prescription medication I’m currently taking. I am playing with my diet and exercise to see what helps and what makes things worse. That will continue to be a challenge for months to come. I’m trying the low FODMAP diet and it does seems to be helping somewhat... but it’s so hard to know what’s placebo and what is actually working 🙄. I haven’t read through this whole thread yet, and you may have listed what you are currently taking for medications... but I have found that Gabapentin and Horizant both helped with my depression. If you haven’t taken Gabapentin for a spin yet, it may be worth a shot.
As far as treatment goes, I had a SIBO test done recently and am waiting for results. I have an appointment with Dr Buchfuher on September 3rd to discuss an iron infusion. If I can’t find relief through diet, iron or antibiotics (I’m my SIBO test comes back positive), then the plan is to add in 1-2mg of the Neupro patch and to never increase the dosage if/when it loses effectiveness. If all of that fails, then he would prescribe an opioid. Hopefully this all helps. If happy to expand on anything if it’s helpful.
Have only been taking Prozac for my depression.Nothing else.As for RLS : I was diagnosed with it in 2009 I believe when I was 44 .It was sporadic enough to where I didn't really feel the need to take anything for it.I have been reading a lot of RLS info recently and read that antidepressants can often exacerbate it so i hope that switching to another one/stopping(haven't decided yet) will help but it never hurts to be prepared with information in case it persists.
I sounds like you are in the grip of horrible depression. I can certainly identify with you. I hope you do know that depression this severe, clouds ones thinking, wellbeing, body and soul. It seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes for a long time. It does seem like you have not been worked up for depression, let alone this severe. I urge you to find a good psychiatrist, that specializes in psychiatric medication. Do not rely on a GP for this. You have much to live for. You are past midlife crisis. It is time to evaluate your life. No need to be a weekend grandpa. Unless you want to. Do not feel pressured to do so. A good professional person, you can talk to, will be very helpful, but if your depression is severe, and unrelenting, you need to find proper help. This may be a thing you cannot feel better, without proper diagnosis and treatment. Wishing you the very best.
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Follow up to my last post
My RLS symptoms are worse in the last month, will reducing ropinirole help the symptoms reduce?
Pregabalin not working so GP has put me on Duloxetine. I am confused!
Lyrica- FINALLY have relief- I hope it lasts
Any experience with mechanical foot and calf massagers?
