Day 13- First time post, cold turkey, and I feel like I'm going crazy.

[Kim314]

I, mentally, feel worse than my 1st week. I feel like I'm nitpicking and over-reacting over the dumbest things. Then I'm having a constant mental battle with my Addiction and my Conscious (and yes, I am capitalizing them because as of now I picture them as the Devil and the Angel on each shoulder).

My Addiction 😈 tells me, "You'll feel better, just have one and everyone will be happier..." and my Conscious 😇 yells back "...but not in the long run!" Because both Addiction and Conscious know, you can't just buy one cigarette...you have to buy 20. They also know I will smoke all 20. And sure as $#!+, my Addiction 😈 will justify it to my Conscious 🙁.

I've never tried to quit because I wanted to. When I quit before, it was always because I had to, as I was pregnant or nursing or sick. (Why was that so much easier?) I've quit for weeks, I've quit for years and I always had it in the back of my head that I would smoke again, because I like to smoke.

I was a closet smoker. No one knew, except my partner and a few of my closest friends. My kids have never known, and I have 3 of them who are getting to the age of "influence = action", which means they are getting to the ages where my influence can cause them to follow my actions as cigarettes will be easier to obtain for them. I can handle being a hypocrite, but I can't handle them thinking that of me. My Addiction may be able to convince my Conscious to give in, but how can I justify my Addiction to my kids...they're getting smarter.

And that's why I'm quitting. Not only because I don't want them the think I'm a hypocrite, but because I'm their role-model. And of course, smoking is stupid...obviously I know that because I was a closet smoker, and didn't want anyone to know I was being stupid.

I feel like my Addiction is trying to give me reasons to go buy cigarettes. I'm causing arguments about the smallest things or turning nothing into an argument for the sake of...I don't know. I hate everything. And the more it's being pointed out that the reason I'm acting this way is because Addiction is constantly knocking, the more mad I get...and I have to consciously remember to listen to Conscious.

Does that sound crazy?

I have to give the love of my life, Adam, tons of credit, as he knows the way I'm acting is my Addiction and not Me. He's been Conscious's back-up, and unfortunately for him, he's been getting the brunt of my rage...thankfully he laughs at me, pets and kisses my head and face and tells me he's proud. Honestly, I want to kill him because my Addiction feels patronized, but my Conscious sticks up for him...and his Conscious knows I just put up with all of this when he quit a couple months ago.

And now it's my turn 😬.

[Vonni82 3 Months Winner]

Hi I'll let someone more experienced give u advice on your post, but a huge well done going cold turkey👏👏👏 13 nearly 2 weeks is amazing🎉 lots of support on here, and the pinned posts are brilliant, again we'll done. ☺️

[laines 30 Months Winner]

Well done, you are doing great! I was a closet smoker too. I look back now and remember how I smoked so fast just so I could have one when no one was around. No one knew I smoked except the hubby. I used to go all day in work without smoking then have one as soon as I got home. That was the one I missed most. You are doing fab and you would be daft to have just one now! I do believe going cold turkey is the hardest way but I think you get over the withdrawal symptoms quicker! Just concentrate on getting to the end of the day and when you wake up the next day concentrate on getting to the end of that day without having any! Xx

[Hidden]

Hi I really admire you for going cold turkey but I could never do that. Maybe it might be easier to get some help? Just a little bit. Ok it will take longer to get out of your system but it would be more gentle.

Oh admin can I have a 2 week badge now please. Ta. x

[Briarwood Administrator Ducky in reply to Hidden]

Congratulations Hidden on your fabulous 2️⃣ weeks winner badge🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

So very proud of you lovely lady💐😘

[Hidden in reply to Briarwood]

Aw bless you Briarwood. I wouldn't be anywhere without all you lovely people. xx

[Briarwood Administrator Ducky]

Sounds like you have 3 good reasons Kim to keep that quit going (your children) and a super supportive Adam. He sounds amazing and nearly 2 weeks cold turkey is very impressive so well done👏🏼👏🏼

Quitting makes us all a bit crazy in the beginning (or maybe that's just me)🤣 It will get easier so hang in there hun. Lots of slow deep breathing to calm those anxious moments. Chew gum, sip water, go for a walk or do whatever it takes not to light up.

We say NOPE not one puff ever🚭 Treat yourself to something nice for all your hard work coz you're worth it💐😊