Not coping well

[Youshallnotpass84]

During a flashback, I close my eyes a lot or I'll cover my eyes with my hand. I've read it's better to try to keep your eyes open during a flashback but it's such a knee jerk reaction now I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to relax! My brain is making my body react to what it perceives as actual danger. I know those abusers can not remember who they are. It isn't about them, it's about my recovery. I need to know how to retrain my brain.

[Youshallnotpass84]

I loved them and trusted them. How does one forgive oneself for this? Those bullies, torturers, perpetrators, and rapists were my worst nightmare and the biggest liars on earth. My existence offended and 'attacked' them. I hope they go to hell.