What's wrong

[Racewac844]

You can say that I've suffered from trauma most of my life. I've experienced almost everything bullying, abuse, enmeshment, peer and male rejection until I met my husband. I've been in counseling but I never helped myself and don't understand why. Dysfunctional household. Lately I've been blaming myself and ruining my life and that my life is over at 42. I'm so scared. One of my best friends said it best, I've had no escape. When I met my husband i was able to pull myself out of a dark place on my own . I've suffered multiple traumas and I remember being so afraid I was a bad person or I woukd become a bad person. So distressed that I admitted myself , and was scared. Things were looking up , felt my dreams were coming true marriage was able to realize what I deserve, thought I would be able to get pregnant and have a family. Felt I had people that cared for me . My mom was being mean to me and needed my help would say horrible things about me. I was able to fight for myself . Things started to spiral when we got married my moh betrayed me stopped talking to me, people stopped liking my posts or talking to me , felt I had nobody . My mom back in picture, trigger. Job losses, family issues, my husband and I were good but been fighting lately, been scares to lose him things said we both don't mean, so afraid to lose him. Asking myself does he still love me want me, wanted kids w me, he wanted to wait 2 years to make sure we were stable. He's been having male problems blame myself, want him to take care of himself. We were happy 2 years ago I know he feels things bit think he feels he needs to be strong. Hope he's attracted ti me. Feeling different, not motivated. Wanting to get pregnant but too old too late, get in my way or tired or feel defeated or get busy. Miss interests, sex etc.. people on the outside not nice to me. Been feeling like a bad person. Trying to help myself but nobody to talk to. Wasn't like thus 2 years ago I don't know whst happened..I miss me my husband and I Feeling like I don't matter. Nobody to protect me. Feel selfish flawed etc..blaming myself for the abuse ( not husband and past) can anyone help

[Youshallnotpass84]

I've never known married life, but I can relate to being in a relationship with a man who has so-called 'male problems.' Turns out he had a fleshlight toy all along. I broke up with my ex fiancé 1 year ago, and it's still surreal. I'm not a parent and might have missed the boat. I hadn't dreamt I'd be in this situation. I was so happy.

Just because there was abuse it doesn't mean you don't matter. You do matter. Did counselling help you at all?