Can't Let Go...: I'm 57 years old and still... - PTSD Support

PTSD Support

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Can't Let Go...

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I'm 57 years old and still struggling with the shame and low self worth of sexual abuse I suffered during my childhood years from my brother and father. I've had mostly bad experiences with men and it's very hard for me to trust anyone. The abuse was not my fault, but even today I still blame myself. I'm tired of putting on a fake smile and pretending like everything is okay when the abuse is still very real to me. I don't know how to let go of the past, I feel like my abuser's stole something from me that I can never get back. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive and forget. My life is passing me by and I am angry at what my abuser's stole from me. I just want to love and forgive myself but it seems impossible. Does anyone understand??

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IdentityUnknown profile image
IdentityUnknown

I want to start off by saying that you are heard and you are seen 🩵

Although I don’t have trauma related to sexual abuse in childhood, I understand in different ways. I am only starting my journey in healing and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Facing chronic, long term abuse. I’ve lost so much, recently, and my abuser has gotten everything.. I know I’m a bit vague here, but I’m not sure I am comfortable opening up to my own situation publicly just yet.

I also feel completely robbed. I’m deeply agoraphobic, I’m terrified of people and social interactions and I can’t connect to my past. I feel as if someone else lived my life. I suppose I’m only trying to be transparent, so that you feel comforted that you are not alone.

Thank you for sharing. I always feel so deeply for others and if there’s an opportunity for me to help, in any way, I do my best to.

Hang in there, you are worth happiness and peace, at the very least.

Scorpionfish profile image
Scorpionfish

Dear Farm Lady

I hope you receive this message with some positive energy.

Your message makes me feel not as alone. This is my first time in a support group, but it’s been nearly a year since I was taken advantage of by a man when I was volunteering abroad. I still struggle to feel safe, find myself finally getting excited and a bit of confidence only to have the wind taken out of me by fear before I close my eyes.

It’s gotten a bit better with time, but I’m still not healed, and it’s hard to look back and see that the time that was supposed to be one of the best years of my life was taken in a way by this person and that even though I was so young I’m still left with this anchor weighing on my chest.

I don’t know how to move forward and wish for the day that I don’t still go to bed scared.

I don’t know if this will reach you, but I hope you know that you are not alone and that you don’t deserve this pain. No one does.

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