Respite care

I have been advised by family, friends and health care visitors to organise some respite care before I really need it so that when I do it's tried and tested. So thinking about it more positivly I broached the subject of a few days holiday with my husband. I painted a positive picture of a friendly, comfortable place with lovely food and things to do. What did he think? 'How about Barbados?' he asked. He wasn't quite so impressed when I mentioned the next town as an alternative. But I feel as if I've already started the ball rolling. Next step....pick up the phone and make an appointment to view. I will.

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  • That's a really positive step, well done!

  • Well I bit the bullet and made the phonecall. The visit is arranged for tomorrow. I feel very nervous but quite positive as well.

    Over the last few days I think my husband has faded a little bit;it's like watching a clock unwind.

  • It took me 3 months to convince my husband Ronnie to go into respite, but I think even he could see I was cracking up and needed a break so he finally agreed and I spent a lovely week with our Daughter in Cyprus. I also had a further week after I got back. it was much needed and I was able to start again with fresh heart. Things dont get any easier but at least I had the strength to deal with it. I do urge you to have the break, no doubt he will make it sound terrible when you fetch him home and you will feel guilty, but still do it I dont have any regrets and I am thinking of having another week later this year just to clear your head.

  • You're right, I feel a break will help to recharge the batteries. I don't think he'll resist going but I worry he might feel lost once there. Even though he can't cope on his own at home he is in familiar territory and in our routine. I don't doubt he will be cared for I just worry for him.

  • Hi Shiela,

    My dad has been into respite once before for a week and like the comment above, it took some pursuading! My dad stayed at the St Josephs hospice and the staff were very friendly and helpful. It is hard to leave them and you do feel guilty (as my mum felt terrible) but you really do need the break. It done my mum the world of good and once my dad was there he was fine as all family and friends visited him every day!

    Try no to feel guilty x

    p.s the Barbados comment made me chuckle :0) x

  • Hi Shiela, You sound very real and accepting of the situation. My Mom viewed various locations both for convenience for our stopping in, as well as the level of care. What was kind of neat; it kept her active in her care decisions. What was also nice was that she had an open invitation for lunch and took them up on it often. When the time came she transitioned pretty easily....Best of luck...Kathy

  • Thanks Kathy, I really value and appreciate your thoughts. Take care.

  • HI sheila

    Make sure you view as many cae homes as you can and dont be fobbed off by people saying it is a good care home. there are care hoes and care homes. I viewed several and turned a lot down as I was not happy to leave my husband there. Ask questions. Have a good look around. Does the home smell of nasty smells????? etc., etc.,..... When you have found a cae home you are happy with take your husband to look as well. Do not be afraid to ask any question however silly you thinki may be. I was extrmely fussy and particular where Ray went for respite. The first time he went for respite I was devastated, but it got easier each time and he used to look forward to going. Dont be fobbed off with just a weeks respite, you will need two weeks at a time, preferably at least 3 times a year.

    Take Care

    Love Jenni

  • My mum (88, better social life than me!!) and I visited a local authority respite unit yesterday which was recommended by Eddie's physio, social worker and OT. The OT's own father had stayed there for 10 days. We were very impressed. My sister manages a care home in England so we had an idea what to look for and ask. Anyway it was suggested that to start with my husband goes in for a night or two to become familiar with the place and to give me a chance to assess it myself. Good advice I thought. I now have to make a booking via social services but already I feel better about the whole idea.

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