Updated and Conflicted

[ARutzen]

Hi all,

It's been a while since I've posted, but I'm afraid we have come to the point where Mom needs Assisted Living. Here's the main issue... I didn't want to put her in a Nursing Home. I saw where she would end up and I just couldn't bring myself to do that to her, even if she wasn't fully aware of the situation. I found a wonderful place in the same area that our family grew up in, and the same place she has lived since she moved to Atlanta. I knew it would be a good idea to bring her back so she could be familiar and comfortable. The best news is, the place I found is an "Age in Place" facility and she would be able to stay there indefinitely and NOT have to go to a Nursing Home. We went and visited the place last week and it is beyond anything I expected. Newly renovated, sparkling clean, everything - I mean everything - she needs is right there. They take care of it all! And her apartment is a deluxe suite with a kitchenette and everything. It didn't feel clinical, it felt like a small apartment community for her age group.

In my heart, I know this is the right thing to do, and we had talked about this stage last year when we were planning for her future. She isn't fighting me on this and seems to be very happy with the place as it it not depressing or gross. Her best friend came with us and held her hand while we talked to the Director. He's a young guy, very sweet and calm, and gave us a lot of good information about what she would be able to get while she stayed there. I'm just so conflicted because it's my mom. I keep telling myself to keep going and keep her home, or get more help in the house first, but after we spoke to the Director, I realized that everything she needs now is so much more than I can have in my home.

Friends and Family keep telling me not to worry, that I'm making the right decision, and that I can't sacrifice everything even when I feel like I want to. Part of me is upset that she's progressed this fast. It's only been 8 months since she moved in... and part of me is upset that I'll have to leave her there, without family. The location is very accessible to everyone though. Every friend is within 15 mins, my office within 25 mins, and our extended family within 20 mins. I'm not sure why I can't fully accept that this is happening, but she will be moving in sometime next month once I get all of her paperwork and doctor visits completed.

With all that said, mom and I are both nervous that she won't get in on time. She's getting weaker by the day and they "winked" and said "as long as she can show us that she can walk by herself with a cane or roll around in a wheelchair, she can be here." Basically stating that if she can prove that she can walk, she's in. And neither of us have to worry about the Nursing Home choice... but if she can't, they won't be able to. After she is a resident, if she starts to decline more, they won't remove her from her apartment. They will continue to take care of her, and get her more care as she needs it.

I just need some prayers, or vibes, or whatever it is that she can find the strength to keep walking for the next 2 weeks. Her siblings are coming next week to take her on a short trip for her bday on the 29th, and I told her she's got to try every day to take a few steps, but I know she's exhausted from trying. We are so close to getting her the best care possible, at one of the best places possible, and I just hope we make it. It's a crazy feeling to want something so badly, but with the unknown, fear always creeps in.

I have read a lot of updates here lately that are so relatable and some very sad... I hope everyone is doing ok and holding on. I'm so thankful for this site and to know that I'm not alone, and neither is my Mom.

Much love,

-A

[Mariawatters]

Hi . I’ll pray very hard for you tonight . It sounds like an amazing place and you will all be so close by .🙏🙏🙏

[ARutzen in reply to Mariawatters]

Thank you!!

[horsegirl]

My husband has been gone for four years now, but I faced the same issue, oddly in Atlanta as well. He was in assisted-living and I was fortunate that he could remain there without going into a nursing home. I know what you are going through, and I hope everything will work out smoothly for your family.

You are doing the right thing, especially since you’ll be able to see her regularly. I had to hire people to come in while he was in assisted-living because the care assisted living could provide was not enough, and I was working full-time. You might want to be prepared for that.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you navigate through this incredibly difficult time together.

Hugs,

Karen

[ARutzen in reply to horsegirl]

Hi there, so sorry to hear about your husband. How crazy you were also in Atlanta! Yes, I wasn't sure how much they would be able to help her, but supposedly as her needs increase, so will her care. I'll be on "watch" for the first month to see how things are going and (thank you for the advice) I will definitely see if I need to bring more people in.

[eaglet]

You have thought this through .. just know it will all work out..

[ARutzen]

Thank you

[Hidden]

Sending Prayers & Hugs... Granni B

[Mixee]

Hi, so I see it’s been a few months since you wrote this I hope your mom is doing good in her new dwelling. I liked to know more about this place she went in to. I have CBD and am looking at places for me to go to because I have no children. So if you could give me some more info I would appreciate that. I live in Ohio. Thank you and take care

[ARutzen in reply to Mixee]

Good morning Mixee, please feel free to reach out to me here, or FB or, or email. She has been getting much better care at her new home. There has never been any issues with the attention she gets, but it is not a facility - it's called a Personal Care Home. That is what I would search for in Ohio. Usually it's 1-3 residents in a normal house. The caregivers at mom's house live on the lower level of the house, in a basement apartment. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help, my name on FB is Amanda Rutzen. I have a good support group on FB as well if you'd like to join - I can send an invite if we become friends there. Love and light

[e-mail]

[Mixee in reply to ARutzen]

Thank you I will check that out.