Just wondering if you could help me. Mum, who is dads full time carer is 80 on January 2nd. Had Psp never come to our family, I 'd imagine she'd love planning a party. She is finding it so frustrating over the last few months, and there are days she seems very sad (altho she is a granny for the first time and is chuffed) I would love to mark her milestone birthday in a special way as she is a wonderful lady. Ive asked her is there anything she'd like to do but she keeps saying we'll see. I was thinking of sending her off to the hairdressers and get her nails done that morning, bring her and dad out for lunch and maybe close family over to house for tea and cake in early evening. It would be nice to mark it, but i dont want to put any pressure or stress on her. Have any of you been in a similar situation or been that carer, what would you have liked?
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catherine_h
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It’s a lovely thought. She might go for it. No harm in asking.
She is preoccupied with your father’s care. Not something she would put in a back burner just because it’s her birthday. As a care giver my first thoughts were taking care of Larry and me second.
Hi Catherine, your idea is good, a little pampering is needed, maybe if you could get someone to help with your dad that day, so she could relax more and take the pressure of her on her special day. X
Really difficult. I celebrated my 60th during Steve’s journey. My family did loads. Joined us whilst we were away in South Africa, to have fun, but equally, take some of the strain off me. Threw a party, even though it was Christmas Eve. They knew I wouldn’t do anything without Steve. Some how, they gave me a break, without me realising, gave me some special memories with Steve. It doesn’t need to be a big celebration, enough to make her feel loved, but giving her a break at the same time. Remember the saying “a change is as good as a rest!”
My advice, take over! Plan the party. Life has to go on, no matter what. Treat your Dad as if he was fine, best present for your Mum. Tell PSP to take a hike for the day and make sure your Mum really enjoys her day.
I take care of hubby 24/7 and I’m 63 years young. I don’t know if I’m depressed or just exhausted but as nice as getting my hair and nails done professionally, it sounds absolutely lovely, but I don’t have the energy or ambition to follow through with it. If it were me, I’d want something low key. The suggestion of having friends over for tea and cake is more appealing to me. A catered lunch or dinner would be brilliant. Or, I would appreciate a housekeeper and someone who would clean the windows and mirrors for me. It’s hard to manage the smallest of tasks these days, but that’s just me.
I remember one year when my dad turned 75, I purchased coins that were all dated the year he was born (a penny, a nickel, dime, quarter and half dollar). I also found an old newspaper from the year that he was born and I put together a photo album of one or two pictures for each decade of his life. I think he appreciated the gifts and it gave us things to talk about. In my world... as of this moment... the simpler the better I’d say? 🤷♀️
I think she would be over the moon for someone to take over, arrange a special treat and most importantly let her know she's not alone in the very difficult world she finds herself in.
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