Larry is failing rapidly now. His nurse thinks he may die later this week. He was to have come home today from respite care. Taking a cue from the advice on this website I decided it is time for me to be his spouse not his care giver. When I told the nurse that she was relieved. They can handle the drug giving better than I could. Before I left yesterday his nurse came in and put a port into his should to administer the Ativan and morphine as they see fit. They are far better qualified to deal with this part of his death.
When I got home I called the VNA social worker (this is the hospice in Philadelphia I am using) to set up a direct cremation. She gave me a few place. She recommended one she said she would use for her family. I am going with them. The social worker entered the information into their computer system. Everything is in place now.
If you are content with the decision then it's the best one for you. Dad was in a nursing at his passing and they handled all the medicines, phone calls etc. We had a pre-paid cremation in place and the nursing home had the contact info, I didn't have to handle any major details on the final days.
My heart and love to you both. You have provided such great care to Larry; and yes, some needed care is now out of your capabilities. I wish you strength and both of you peace in these days ahead.❤
Sending you prayers for strength as you find your way through each day of Larry's last battle, may he have a peaceful journey.
Oh Jeff ... my heart is reaching out to you, praying that you can feel the comfort surrounding you. I didn’t expect to read this.
Yes - become the spouse you are, and allow yourself to relax in that the best you can. You both have fought through this ... you have kept the faith ... blessings surround you. I am praying for you and Larry this morning. Xo
Jeff, you have done all you can possible do. You owe to Larry and yourself just to become his spouse again. I promise, you will never ever regret this. I know I spent the last few days of Steve’s life, being his wife, others did the caring. The comfort that has and will always give me is immeasurable, I feel it was the only real thing I got right.
My heart goes out to you at this terrible time. As a friend across the pond, I am soooo glad you have managed to get some rest these past few days, you will need that extra bit of strength now.
Sending big hug, much love and all the strength I can manage across the ether, to you.
Your decision to put Larry in respite care turned out to be a very provident one. Let the nurses take over managing his comfort so you can focus on just being with him. My heart goes out to you. My mother died of what I now believe was PSP (then diagnosed as a dementia with Parkinson’s features) in 2014. I was with her when she passed and she slipped away very gently, it was easier than I expected, especially compared to the hellish ordeals she went through with her disease.
oh Jeff, this must seem so sudden, even after all these years of care. I am so sorry, but it seems he is in a good place and getting the care he needs. This is a gift. You have struggled so hard. I remember feeling kind of a white noise sort of shock for many many days immediately before and after. I coped well because of that. I hope you have someone to support you nearby? You always seem so self-sufficient. My family was all far away, and I asked them not to come, (His family had come when they could while he was alive.) but I had an old buddy who came up the day he died and she brought food and made me eat and we drank and talked for two days when he died. I will always be grateful for that. I would do that for you if I could. Love and peace, Sarah
Oh Jeff thinking about you both, agree with everything everyone has said take time to enjoy your time together, you can just concentrate on being with the person you love unconditional love xxxx
Even when we anticipate this step it still sneaks up on us. I’ve had you on my mind a ton and I just had a feeling that this might be it. I’m so sorry! May you both find peace and learn to let go. I don’t think that we are ever ready for any step of this excruciating disease, especially the ending.
Jeff, you must have many mixed emotions at this time. You have cared for Larry so well throughout his illness.
Yes, so provident he is in respite care and you can sit by his side as a partner.
My love was in others care just a week when he died and he too seemed relaxed and ready to leave. I hope you get to be by his side.
I stayed beside my love for 3 days after his nurse began to administer morphine. My love was concerned for my feelings, as always, and died while I was away getting refreshed after sleeping in the chair in his room.
It is a blessing when you feel you have verything in place and are able to be there with Larry in the final days of this terrible disease giving him love and comfort. I always believe that is what we would all like at the end of our lives. The one good thing that comes out of all this madness is the openess we are able to talk about death, others who haven't been through terminal illness with a loved one are afraid to mention the D word and I really don't think that is a good thing, we have become very detached from death and try to keep people alive artificially making it difficult to say our goodbyes. I was grateful to be able to do that for Ben and am sure it helped him on those final days. Thinking of you and sending much love.
I am thinking of you both at this sad time. Stay strong and hold him, love him and when the time is right give him permission to go and tell him you will be ok. I read this on here before my lovely Steve passed away and it really helped me in those final moments and I think it helped him too. Take good care of yourself too as this will be exhausting in a new way. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Jeff you have done such a wonderful job of caring for Larry that now you can just spend the time left just being with him and let others make him comfortable xx
Jeff I am thinking about you and Larry. My heart goes out to you. Spend this time with him and love him. Your work is done and you have performed it admirably.
Jeff, Enjoy these last few days as much as possible. They are a gift where you are not consumed with caregiving and can be a partner again. This is as it should be. You have taken great care of Larry. He's very lucky to have you. Now he can just feel your love. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers over the next few days.
My heart goes out to you. Praying for peace for both of you. As someone else said, you have done an admiral job. Your love, devotion, and strength shine through in your posts. I think it was meant to be to have others caring for Larry so you can just be with him. Please keep us updated when you can.
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