Result of thinking about CHC funding asses... - PSP Association

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Result of thinking about CHC funding assessment

AliBee1 profile image
24 Replies

Made me sad AliBee so wrote this:

My Man

Where is the lovely man that I married,

who shared my life and who’s love I’ve cherished?

Where is the man who would hold me tight

and snuggle beside me throughout the night?

This lovely man no longer knows how to cuddle

so when I give him a hug it results in a muddle.

Where is the man who could take control?

who would shop and cook and have a DIY role,

who built walls and cupboards and did the electrics too,

who can now look at a knife and not know what to do.

Where is my man who wonderful poems would write,

who can’t even now get his signature right?

Where is my man who with the Shakespeare Morris men danced

who cannot now stand unaided and quickly falls if given the chance?

Where is my man who would win every quiz

but now has no concept of time or of where he is?

Where is my man who could easily manage his own medication

but now grits his teeth or spits it back out without hesitation?

Where is the man who could down a pint in almost one go

but now can choke on his drink no matter how slow?

Where is my man who used to enjoy a rare steak

but now needs reminding a spoonful to take?

Where is my man who would sing whilst doing the cooking

but now only grunts as he stares into space without really looking?

Where is my man who was always showed interest in what I’d been doing

who now needs to know where I am for in my absence his angst is brewing?

Where is my darling whose eyes would twinkle along with a wicked grin?

Which can still now happen and make me aware that he is still within.

Written by
AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1
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24 Replies
Satt2015 profile image
Satt2015

Heart wrenching x

NannaB profile image
NannaB

How we can all relate to that AliBee1 but every line I read I was thinking of what you put in the last line and I’m so pleased you put it as it is so easy to forget that the men/women we remember are still there. Still there wishing they can do all the things they used to be able to. Feeling frustrated and sad that they can’t. But they can still love, right up to the end. They still love hugs and cuddles they can’t return, still love kisses and can’t help if they a dribbly, still like hearing us speak to them as we did when things were better, being reminded of funny incidents that happened and beautiful moments like wedding days, births of children, grandchildren, favourite pets and responding with thumbs up & down or hand squeezes.

I have many happy moments of special happenings during the nightmare of PSP when we could still connect emotionally and physically until 48 hours before he heart finally stopped.

Sending you a big hug AliBee, please pass it on to your man.

XxxX

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1 in reply to NannaB

Thank you so much xx He is not well today so an extra hug will be good for him xxx

Brenive profile image
Brenive

So true, so honest, this makes me feel blue.....Brenda xxx

doglington profile image
doglington

I cried as I read this. It is so true.

But I'm glad to also reinforce the fact that he is still in there.

Chris could enjoy jokes with the family until the last few days. At the hospice they were delighted when he would suddenly come up with the answer in a quiz. He relished being included in family games.

It's tragic to reflect on what has been lost but also cherish the fleeting moments. It was really important to Chris that he heard I loved him and I knew he loved me.

These memories are very precious now.

Love from Jean xxx

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1 in reply to doglington

I am so glad that you can hang on to the precious happy moments. I still do with my firts husband who died 28 years ago xx

enjoysalud profile image
enjoysalud

Great prose.....captures it all.

I lost my son, so entirely different relating and yet 90% rings true. I remember the first indication that his mind was not as strong. He had a complicated set up for his TV, Bose speakers, Blue-ray, and recorder. I needed to get to a particular channel and asked if he would please get it for me. He struggled and struggled and then, "Mom, I can't. I don't remember."

Only one intimately familiar with Prime of Life Brain Diseases understands.

Thank you!

Lovely... Sending gentle hugs... Granni B

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1 in reply to

Thank you. I realise that I survive by concentrating on the positive so looking at the negative is such hard work.

Kevin_1 profile image
Kevin_1

So poignant.

It brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you for sharing it.

XX

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1

I realise that I survive by concentrating on the positive so looking at the negative was such hard work. AliBee

Katiebow profile image
Katiebow

Thankyou for reminding us all that somewhere hiding in there is the person that we know/knew and love/loved. Ben often showed glimpses of the 'real' him, a wry kind of smile, a glint in those far away eyes. Oh how I miss that man, not a that he was perfect ( or me for that matter) but I miss the real him all the same, I don't miss the PSP man that he became and it was a blessing for him to be free of the disease that took everything from him. Sending love to all of the sufferers, carers and those who have lost their loved ones.

Kate xxx

SewBears profile image
SewBears

This gave me goosebumps but not tears. Nicely written and oh too true!

Beads0122 profile image
Beads0122

AliBee,

You nailed it. It was as if you read my mind. Those were exactly my thoughts with my wife. Thank you for sharing.

Blessings,

Bobby

AnneandChris profile image
AnneandChris

Oh Alibee

How beautiful and soooo true

Hugs x

Aprilfool20 profile image
Aprilfool20

Oh! Made me well up. We all need a hug! Jayne x

ladyalone profile image
ladyalone

Hi AliBee your poem is so beautiful and I can relate to so much of it. I haven't responded to posts in a long time although I do read them all. I just had to answer you for your poem just says it all. Thank you. Lady Alone

AliBee1 profile image
AliBee1 in reply to ladyalone

Thank you for responding. I realised that I survive by concentrating on the positive so looking at the negative had a detrimental affect on me. xxx

doglington profile image
doglington in reply to AliBee1

I am the same. It works but means we don't have strategies to deal with the worst when it happens.

When Chris died I felt completely empty.

Love Jean xx

Bcat profile image
Bcat

Sad but but true. Beautiful !

Dance1955 profile image
Dance1955

Just lovely and so true Thankyou for sharing x

stephanotis profile image
stephanotis

What a beautiful poem ! You need to send it to a newspaper or other organization that has newsletter so more people can read and enjoy it.

bazooka111 profile image
bazooka111

This has brought me to tears - absolutely brilliant.

DenB profile image
DenB

Just read your lovely poem.

Beautiful!

Dx

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