its been two months since Geoff passed away I am so lost without him my family are so wonderful they include me in everything and I really cant fault their care but I feel so lonely without my soul mate its hard to put into words I went to the cemetery to tell him off on our wedding anniversary but took him flowers as well !!!! I hate my life without him small things make me heartbroken such as seeing his slippers but I'm unable to move them trying to sort out finances and I am quite astute with forms etc people tell me it gets easier to live with but I am admitting defeat and going to see the doctor today because I am spending more and more time doing nothing or just sitting in the cemetery it cant be normal I try really hard to get on with things but there seems no point at the moment has anyone else experienced being like this I dread the winter my post seems so defeatist and I know Geoff would tell me off we talked long and hard before he died but I never thought it would be so hard people ask how you are but you just say fine no matter how you are I am accepting invatations as my daughter in law said if you keep refusing they will stop asking she is a real asset to our family sorry my input is a bit miserable at the moment it just reflects how I feel love to you all doreen
my hero geoff: its been two months since... - PSP Association
my hero geoff
Hi Doreen, I wish I had answers for you, but I just feel very sad for you, it must be awful, people don’t understand how a cater feels once their loved one has gone.
My husband is in late stages and I dread this time that you are going through now, but nothing I can do to stop this ball rolling.
I do hope you get some help and hope from your doctors today and from accepting the invitations (that is a strong thing to do), chatting with others must help a little, until your back home on your own.
Wishing you some peace and hope
Love and hugs
Helen xxx
thanks for your reply helen seen the doctor he suggests talking to a councillor someone outside the family he said its early days I keep feeling guilty that Geoff died even though we knew 4 years ago he was terminal its just so soul destroying not having him here the doc wants me back in two weeks he said I was a strong person the way I cared for Geoff and he said I would learn to accept the outcome was release from a nasty illness for Geoff I'm selfish id have him back in a heartbeat he has given me some tablets for two weeks but left it up to me if I use them he feels I wont want to go down that road he may be right I will accept having an outsider to talk things through doreen
Doreen
Yes lots of us have felt what you feel. Some if us still do! One thing I have stopped doing is telling people I am fine! I am not...so now I say I have days when I am up and days when I am very down. It at least means they understand my odd moods? Nobody can fix it. It's something you have to live through. People say it will get better. I don't know. I think we all react differently. After 17 months I am not better. If anything I feel worse.
Someone told me last week it takes 8 seasons to feel better. I have never heard that before but it may well be true. There are seven stages to grief and as I understand it you can go through some more than once. I know I am going through one now. Read up about it and it described word for word how I feel.
Have you had Bereavement counselling? I did and it helped me but I didn't go long enough. I think another session might help me.
You are lucky to have such a good family who include you in things. Don't stop them! If there are Grandchildren they will help cheer you up too.
Hope you get some counselling if you haven't already! We will get through this Doreen!
Marie x
Doreen my heart goes out to you, try so counselling it may help you, just sitting here thinking how will I feel when George goes? Your family seem like wonderful people, I think you daughter in law it right, grieving is hard but you have to do it at your own pace. Geoff is always with you, sending you a big hug. Yvonne xxxxx
thanks for your reply Yvonne yes I have a great family I am going to go for counselling because I realise my son and daughter have lost a wonderful dad as well and they along with son in law and daughter in law are listening to my needs I forget at times what they are feeling and it might be easier to talk to someone on the outside thanks for your support love and hugs to you both doreen
thanks marie I am going for counselling I am going out tomorrow to Bridlington with my daughter 2 granddaughters and 4 great grandchildren that will be hectic !!! BUT THEY ARE GREAT KIDS SO PUT A SMILEY face on many thanks doreen
Doreen.
I was going to write a long reply about grieving. My Chris died 9 months ago and I identify with you completely.
However. I live in London but am going to Bridlington at the weekend.
If you like we can meet up in the next week. Any one else for a Brid meeting ?
You are absolutely normal in the feelings you describe. We are strong women [ and men ] who survive but we still suffer !!!
love Jean xx
Doreen
Do you live near Bridlington? I used to live not far from there when G and I were first married. He seemed to always be posted to Yorkshire apart from his time in Aden.
I have been looking up photos online taken in Aden in the 1960's! It looked like a nightmare! Glad I was never there. They really did serve their time in hell? So it seems doubly unfair how they died?
I used to get the train to Bridlington each week to the market to do my shopping! 😁
Marie x
Doreen, I'm too new into this to have advice for you, but I do think the members who are advising counselling are giving you good advice. Deep grief is hard enough to do on your own...and no matter how much your family love you, they don't know what you're really going through! So, why not have a professional who can help your process through this very difficult period?
Hugs to you XXX
Anne G.
Hi, I live in Los Angeles, USA. My son died May 4, 2017 of PSP, last year. He was 55 years old. I am 77 years old. I am single.
It is only in the last month or so that I have started to wake without pain, without feeling I was in a nightmare.
What helped me most was joining a GRIEF GROUP. The first was thro my health insurance, Kaiser Permanente. About 8 months after that one finished I joined one thro my church. I was the only mom grieving, the rest were mourning spouses and parents. Nobody had lost anyone to a neurological disease. Yet, it still helped me. It helped to be around others who were mourning and I learned much about the grieving process. What I learned was that there is NO CORRECT WAY OR TIME CLOSURE to grieve. It takes as long as it takes............and comfort is found differently by different people. There is no right way, only what comforts us and is not a threat to our health.
I did not think it possible that I could get to a day with no crying or feeling miserable. I miss my son terribly, but I now find joy in what he loved rather than the pain of him not being present to enjoy his favorite things.
It takes time to heal.
I keep you in my prayers.
I don’t believe there are any answers. I have just returned from a two week holiday with some of my family but my hubby wasn’t with us and so some days were quite emotional for me. Two days back home and already I have fallen back into my ‘can’t be bothered’ phase. When asked how I am my response is ‘ok days and bad days’ . Seven months and I really do not know how I have got through that time. Sorry but I do not have any helpful words, like many who have lost loved ones....I just plod on. Jxx
Hi Doreen, never apologize for how you are feeling. It is better to articulate your feelings and next time someone asks how you are tell them. Your daughter in law sounds like a wise person and your support network are caring for you now. Plus you have this forum. Take care, take time and be well. Rob
It never goes away the heartache but you learn to live with it xxx
The first year of grief is the worst year. Every holiday, anniversary or other significant day is the first without your loved one. With time the raw pain isn’t as intense. It does take time. No two people are alike. There isn’t a time line of where you should be. I am glad you talked to your doctor. A grief support group might be good when you feel up to it. Talking about it here is a good start.
Doreen,
I hope that you can see from these loving posts that you are not alone and we grieve for you. I’m six weeks into it now. It’s not getting easier, it is just that we continue on.
We are all different, but we can suggest ways that we each cope with the loss of our dearest loved ones. What I have found is that I an in my best place when I focus on others. I am grieving, but so are our children, and my wife’s close friends. They need love and support as well. We have developed a caregiver spirit through being sensitive to the needs of our loved one. Now we need to turn that sensitivity to be aware of the needs of others around us.
I hope and pray that the support you receive helps you through this difficult season of life.
Blessings,
Bobby
Doreen,
As previously stated, never apologise for how you feel. YOU are YOU and no one relly knows how YOU feel. Yake as much time as you need to get through this process. Keep the good memories of time shared, uppermost in your mind. It takes as long as it takes. I am now just over 8 months since I lost my dear Liz. Some days are hellish but others are not quite as bad, but there never seems to be " good" days. Hopefully they will come in time. I send love and prayers that you will exit the tunnel you are in, sooner rather than later. Keep posting. The good people on this site will support and encourage you, always. God Bless.
Oh Doreen
I’m in the same exact place. I truly truly understand. I’ll never be the same. I’m with his family now but after a few days they expect me to be ok. I find hours disappear and like you can’t find the strength to rise to the occasion so to speak. We didn’t have children to keep us busy so I’m wandering the world alone. So sad. Im sorry you are having such a hard time. Only one month today since Charles passed and I can’t wrap my head around it yet
Hang in there.
Cuttercat
Doreen,
What counsel I offer you, I offer with humility because I haven't yet experienced directly the loss you have suffered, but I think you are wise to seek professional help AND to try your daughter in law's practical advice-- saying yes to invitations. I don't see anything wrong with accepting an invitation by saying something like, " Yes, I will be there. Not sure I am very cheerful company right now, but I appreciate your thinking of me and appreciate your friendship and so I would like to join you."
Marilyn
You are appreciated
