Since my foray into dog world Millie has been unduly attentive .She greets me each morning with loud purrs and then plonks herself on my chest nose to nose . She gazes adoringly at me blinking her eyes as cats do when communicating saying “I love you more than anything in the world ......don’t let’s get a dog “
Well she has now imparted some more advice by telling me that it is time to get off my backside and get out there and try to make some new friends ,people I could visit a gallery with or go to the cinema , doing things which you really do as a couple . Most of my friends live quite a long way away or are friends of my wife and me ,joint friends as it were . I thought it quite a good idea to try to branch out and meet some people who were not part of my past life . So... yes I signed up to a website to meet activity partners .
Now filling in ones profile is an art form in itself .Ridiculous questions with multi choice answers ... are you good looking ? Answer average , above average , stunning (actually I made that one up ) but there,no below average or just plumb ugly . I was tempted to say I made George Clooney look positively mediocre but gave up and went for average .Are you intelligent - I ask you compared with Einstein probably not but compared with neandrathol man probably able to hold my own . Answer given ...average . In fact I turned out to be the ultimate average man . Then you halve to give a description of yourself . Being an antique dealer that comes easy “ an unusual but highly collectable piece having had some restoration but will need more at a future date ,a good patina which comes with age . The carving on the face is skilfully done although the deep cut lines might not suit all tastes .Showing all the usual signs of wear and tear which come with quality .Price ?open to offers part exchange considered “ There done . Surprisingly I got some responses ,despite having put a twenty mile radius around my profile enquiries from Greece and even Japan . Several women whose main ambition in their late seventies was to climb Everest and also take me on 40 mile cycle rides clad from head to toe in Lycra .I asked one women why she had responded and she said she liked my photo because I looked grumpy !
But now to the nub ,yesterday I went out with a very pleasant woman for lunch . It was all very enjoyable ( I did talk too much , you feel the need to tell the whole history of your life in 5 minutes flat ) Leaving that aside I thought well done George you have shaken yourself out of your comfort or should I say discomfort zone . And so home where later that evening I howled not cried but howled .All I could think of was all the things I would never be able to do with Veronica again ,never walk down the lanes hand in hand , never kiss her goodnight again ,never exchange a smile or a secret glance . I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach by a horse .I cried myself to sleep and started all over again this morning and if it wasn’t for a certain person on this site who shall remain nameless( thank you Heady ) I would be crying still .She talked me down and put me back on track .
When in those darkest moments , and we all had them believe you me, and you despairingly wish it could all be over ....wish again .
The moral of this tale , if there is one ,...never under any circumstances take any advice from your cat.
Much love to you all
Georgepa
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Georgepa
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Oh George sorry to hear youbwas so upset, but what would we do without Anne, you must do things at your own pace George, maybe you are not ready yet to move forward, I think your best bet is don’t listen to Milly. Sending you a big hug George. Yvonne xxxxxx
Oh Georgepa, You had me laughing at the beginning of your post and crying at the end. The first time we step out of our comfort zone after saying goodbye to someone who meant the world to us, is so hard but you should be very proud of yourself. You’ve done it. I howled when I accepted an invitation to go to Budapest very soon after I lost Colin. I wanted to go with him not a group of women but it was the best thing for me to do. Over the months I learnt to leap out of my comfort zone not gingerly step. Don’t be put off. There are lots of great folk out there also looking for friendship.
It’s good you spoke to Heady. I’m so pleased you are in touch. She is a lovely lady.
Message for Millie.....Look after that dad of yours and keep showing him how much you love him.
I shouldn't say your post made me smile because there is the heartbreak of "bereavement - the reality" in it: yet you write in such a humorous, evocative way, one can't help but smile. Especially when you bring Millie into it!!
It sounds like you reached out to one of our wise and experienced ones: Good for you George!! (and of course, bless H, as always..) I don't know what you and the other post-psp folk know - but I can gather enough to say that reaching out was a good thing to do. Also, trying to make new friends.
It must take courage, eh? Good on you George - keep it up.
Oh, George ! Your post rang so many bells for me. Apart from your cat. I'm probably the only one on this site who doesn't like cats. No-one will talk to me now. . . . Mind you - cats like me. They can't take their eyes off me. Even cats who hide away from everyone are fascinated by me. Shows their contrary nature.
I want to know how you advertised yourself that made all these ladies want to go up Everest with you. Its not what we normally associate with an antique dealer.
Glad you had some support from Heady - not Everest, I imagine, although Steve was a climber.
Seriously, its so much more painful than we imagine. I am doing well but I so much miss being a couple - with Chris, not anyone else - and it isn't going to happen. Sometimes its unbearable.
Georgepa, I have yet to be disappointed from reading your postings. You capture life so vividly...painting a picture with words. I think if you were to write a book I would look forward to reading it.
I am sorry that your encounter with "another" unleashed the deep sorrow that lurked within.
I think that GRIEF surprises us, comes at us when we least expect it, and when it is least wanted.
I have on my night stand, in a frame, a saying....."Life begins at the end of your comfort zone".
No matter how much you hurt, how many tears were spent, triggered by that encounter, I'm glad you listened to Millie, AND I'M GLAD YOU SHARED IT WITH US. Your deep sorrow touches mine.
You, and us, won't know how important/necessary in your journey of grief/healing that experience will be. We usually don't know those things until we are down the road a bit.
I think we are all blessed to have each other to turn to for comfort.....where we once turned to each other for advice, the support in our grief continues.
PSP is such a horrible disease, and the death it brought to me was so complicated. Those on this site understand.
What sincere and touching words you have written with vision and clarity. You bare your soul with each and every word. My situation has been pretty confining lately and I feel like a cat pacing the floor wanting to get out of the cage but you made me realize that I have so much. I can still hold Gene’s hand and rub his back and have him with me. Thank you and take care.Nancy
Dear George, I read the beginning of your post with the usual smile that you always seem to make me do with your witty and descriptive ramblings. That however turned to tears as you try to fight your way out of the despair and sadness you are feeling, you dear man. I'm still at the starting point of this new way of life and to be honest it seems unbearable. I doubt that I will be looking for the company of a different man in my life and will make do with my dear female friends. I know that it is very different for men, you don't seem to build up close networks of close friends to share your thoughts with and that must be very difficult.( that's my experiences anyway) I'm so pleased you are getting support from dear Anne, I am hoping to meet up with her soon as she lives near to my son in Bristol, I had lunch with her when I last went there a good few months ago. Please look after yourself and don't push too hard if it feels wrong, gently gently may be the best approach.
That will happen when I I start to find my feet Anne, all very surreal at the moment. Sisters leave tomorrow and will be the first time on my own. I feel I need it but dread it at the same time.
Dear Kate, it is allowed to cry and scream. I know you are frightened that you will never stop, but you do, until the next time you need to release the valve. You know where I am if you need to talk.
So lovely to read the start of your post but then so sad to hear how you are feeling. AlthoughJohn is now in the Care home as I could not manage him it is like I have lost him as I cannot have a conversation with him, miss waking up to him and just the general chit chat. I have lots of friends but it is not the same. Love Pauline x
Love reading all your posts, George! I have often thought of joining a dating site, but NOT DONE SO! Found a lovely photo on Facebook but he had no 'family' and no pictures I could believe!
That is so much outside of my comfort zone! I commend you for making that step - and am so sad with you for the effects you experienced.
I joined a tour group organization. I get on a coach and travel to places I feel reluctant to go to on my own. I still don't like the idea of coach trips/tours and I still find most of my companions are strangers but it is serving a purpose! I did find a friend on one trip when I was 'roomed' with a stranger.
Am still tripping around and slowly ticking things off my "bucket list".
So I suggest you find " groups" that interest you! It's still hard and outside the comfort zone to walk into a group first time not knowing anyone there! You get better at it, the more groups you join! And you can see who you are mixing with!
You will find yourself in great demand! Not sure of true stats but every trip I go on is mostly single women! So you would have no difficulty making friends!
I lost my love nearly 2 years ago and only now do I feel more confident with stepping out of my comfort zone.
I started that progress a few months ago when I booked a cruise to Fiordland, New Zealand. I heard an acquaintance (male) in my walking group was planning the trip and asked for trip details when we next met. Did my booking only to find things had changed. The rest of the group had decided to go with a different tour company, and I am the only other on our tour, apart from 12 other strangers!
Not quite what I thought I was doing, but I am really looking forward to the trip. Have done all the bookings myself. All I need now is for weather to be compliant in the foggy, damp, winter Waikato and for me to get to the nether end of the country (Invercargill) to get my bus connection. May not have long fingernails by the end of the day! And chances of fine weather are slim! It is supposed to be calm, though not necessarily dry, in July!
I am writing under the supervision of my moggie who has tried walking up and down the keyboard only to give up in exasperation whilst claiming there is something wrong with the spell checker.
She wants to complement Millie for being such a beautiful and well cared for cat. Also for her management of her human. She says that humans are such difficult things to keep, but that with perseverance it is worthwhile.
She congratulates her on getting you to reach out and she is impressed at how quickly she achieved that. Moggie is so relieved that Millie has not had to put her human into 'human rescue'. She says that humans have great difficulty in learning a new cat's regime.
Well Done George. That took a lot of courage to write that post, as did your trip out with the very pleasant woman. It's not easy trying to find a new life for ourselves. A lot of what we do, well most, will end in tears, but is no reason to stop. Keeping busy does seem to be the right way forward, if only because you are to involved to think. Set up more of these meetings, get yourself out, doing anything. Millie is perfectly correct in telling you to get off your backside. Life is not going to come to you, we have to go and find it, before the dent in the sofa gets too enormous.
I felt very honoured and deeply touched, that you were able to turn to me yesterday and thank you for saying that I helped.
Sending big hug and much love, especially to anybody out there, that is feeling the same as George. Remember, that is what we are here for, to look after each other's backs. TEAM PSPA ROCKS!!!!!!
That’s terrible - love it -but you might say if you are really into bad jokes her advice was “catastrophic’ gosh I can almost hear Kevin’s keyboard warming up !
It’s not a problem Kevin really not . Groups , I know what you mean I don’t do groups either never have and unlikely to start now I guess it’s horses for courses at the end of the day .
Oh Georgepa I feel for you and well done Anne. Don't be too harsh on Milly, she meant well! These floods of tears will happen, anything can trigger them, they do get fewer in time. Wish you all the best, Maddy xx
Thank you everyone for all the love support and advice , where would I be without you . Underneath this flabby soft and somewhat damp exterior there lurks an inner man of steel , just having a bit of a problem locating him at present .
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End stages? not sure, any advice
