This grieving is strange

[Baileyboo]

Hi all

I am posting this as I fail to understand this empty feeling. I was told it is usual to feel numb and I totally agree

[abirke]

Yep

[Baileyboo in reply to abirke]

Thanks for agreeing with my strange post. I will give it another go tomorrow. May be my brain will work better

Pat x

[abirke in reply to Baileyboo]

Yep

If your brain works better tomorrow will you pass on your secret to me

[Baileyboo in reply to abirke]

If I can post better than today and I find the secret I promise I will. I loved your reply :Yep". Short but sweet, thank you.

Love

Pat x

[Heady in reply to Baileyboo]

I agree with AVB, if you find the answer to getting the brain to work, please share! Mine is mush, most of the time.

Lots of love

Anne

[Baileyboo in reply to Heady]

Uh Oh Anne. I didn't find any help for mushed brains. I guess we must just continue trying to get better brain days.

Love and hugs

Pat x

[LuisRodicioRodicio in reply to Heady]

Brite mush!!

[Kevin_1]

Hi Pat

Heart going out to you.

Grieving is quite unreal in many ways.

Its deeply personal and can feel so lonely too.

I will reply properly when you post tomorrow.

Warmly

Kevin

xx

[Baileyboo in reply to Kevin_1]

Thanks Kevin x

[AliBee1]

Hi Pat

Like other people have said Grieving has no set pattern. Feeling numb is part of it:

Another of my poems:

The tears rolled silently from my eyes,

There was no sob, no noisy cries,

No aching from deep inside my heart,

No pain from being torn apart.

The body was numb from taking enough,

But the outer layer just wasn't as tough.

So to release the feelings there were some leaks,

And the tears rolled silently down my cheeks.

Love and hugs

Ali B

[Baileyboo in reply to AliBee1]

Thank you Ali B. I saw a beautiful thing on some site that said "sometimes memories escape and run down my cheeks" it's quite fitting to grief. Another said "sometimes you can be so busy trying to be everyone else's anchor that you don't realise you are actually drowning".

I found the last one true as I never let my family see me crying after a difficult visit with Les. I stopped my car on the way home or went straight upstairs for a shower. I claimed my eyes were red as I got soap in them. Les was still here but I couldn't make him understand that he was irreplaceable. He just wouldn't accept that I loved him so much. PSP plays such cruel games with our loved ones minds that we can't help with.

Your poems are beautiful. This one fits my mood tonight so I am off to bed in the hope that I can sleep.

Love and hugs to you too

Pat x

[LuisRodicioRodicio in reply to Baileyboo]

Thanks Pat for sharing your feelings.

Hugs.

Luis

[Baileyboo in reply to LuisRodicioRodicio]

Hi Luis

Sorry I haven't replied to you. I have been struggling with an infection that has developed into pneumonia. I guess I am a little under the weather and every virus sees me as a target.

Since losing Les I don't have so much to fit into each day. I would so love to see him but the person he was before damned PSP. I know he would hug me and tell me to slow down. I will never regret my life with Les and my heart is his for ever.

I don't need thanks for sharing my feelings if I couldn't write my thoughts I would go mad. The people on here are amazing with their support and caring. I need them and knowing they are there is a comfort. If I write something that is of help to anyone then my post is not in vain.

It's sad that I rarely write anything positive as I only lost my husband 3 months ago so still feel very raw.

I will never understand any illness that takes loved ones from us. Some parents lose a child and there is no logic to any of it.

I know life goes on but I haven't found what path I need to follow or even if one exists.

Pat

[LuisRodicioRodicio in reply to Baileyboo]

A big hug.

Luis

[Katiebow]

Grieving seems to be such a personal thing and everybody reacts differently, I often try to imagine how I will be but it may be exactly the opposite of how I think I will be.

Sending much love

Kate xxx

[JantheNana in reply to Katiebow]

Kate,I too ,having several friends who had lost spouses over the past few years,tried to imagine what their world was like.But you are right,it is unimaginable.Just keep showing your love to him as long as you can while he is here.

[Katiebow in reply to JantheNana]

Trying as hard as I can. xxx

[JantheNana in reply to Katiebow]

I know,easier said than done.I have regrets. I am pulling for you! Janet

[Baileyboo]

Thank you Kate. I never finished my post as my brain isn't working tonight.

You are attempting the impossible in trying to reason how you will feel. It's a strange feeling with many offshoots like the branches of a tree I suppose. You think it's ok 1 day and then follow another branch the next.

Thank you for your reply.

Love and hugs

Pat x

[Katiebow in reply to Baileyboo]

I think that's a great way of describing how it may feel, I try not to dwell on things and live one day at a time but sometimes the mind runs riot. xxx

[Baileyboo in reply to Katiebow]

Hi Katie

I know how that feels. At times I would think that Les might not see the spring flowers or hear the birds in the garden. Sadly I was right and he won't this year. I like to think he is just a whisper away and talk to him as though he is with me. I like to believe there is another place where he will wait for me until I get there.

I have had a bad day today and will see what tomorrow holds when I wake in the morning.

Love

Pat x

[Katiebow in reply to Baileyboo]

No matter how inevitable we know that death is, watch and wait for what seems an eternity ion sure that when that inevitable finally happens it's still a massive loss. Sending big warm hug yo you Pat.

Love Kate xxx

[Julieandrog]

Hi

The whole grieving process has been like like having being beat up and spat out, exhausted, brain have no idea where that has gone and the physical pain of longing , only one person has said to me it must be a relief, they won't be saying that again!

We will get there!

Julie

[Baileyboo in reply to Julieandrog]

I hope so Julie.

There is no comfort in the world that can help with this process. In losing a loved one, although exhausted and virtually unable to think, there is no relief. We want to make sense of our loss, which is a nightmare.

Love

Pat x