I know this is a bit of a self pity post, but tomorrow is going to be a rotten day. Not just for me, but many of us on here who are post-PSP.
I've been in tears several times already, mostly when I've been grocery shopping and seen the little cuddly toys or the cakes and flowers. Although me and David were not big supporters of the buys loads of presents type thing, rather just being together was much more important, tomorrow will be the first Valentines Day without him, and I know there are many of us on here in the same boat.
I've pulled out a little teddy bear holding a heart saying "I Love You" that I bought David many years ago, and I'm going to keep it with me tomorrow. (Yes, I'm a soft soppy sod, and yes it's ok for big bearded guys to get upset, lol)
Anyway, I propose a big group hugs for everyone on here tomorrow, and let's all love each other 😃
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Ratcliffe
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Like all these days, it's the build up that's the worst. Once it gets there, they are like any other. No worse, no better, yet another one without your loved one.
I think you are right, As we have got nearer, I have gotten worse, but I don't actually expect to be too bad tomorrow evening when I have,time to myself after work.
As the others have said, open something nice and say a toast to you and David and everything you had together. PSP takes everything, bar our memories. Nothing can erase those. I am finding my memories of Steve and our life together, are bringing me a lot of comfort now.
Not sending a hug, as I will give you one very soon!!!!
Well I had a very unromantic husband. It was only during the past few years he sent me a card on Valentine's Day! I never thought I would be glad of that but now I am. So to be honest it hasn't really bothered me. It was my birthday on Monday 12th so I was more worried about that. Here I am however and I not only survived it but enjoyed it. So sometimes we create hurdles for ourselves?
However for all you romantics out there Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow...or is it today now?!
Anne it was a nice one and that shocked me! My Grandchildren were the stars but my son tried to bake a cake!! Thank goodness my Granddaughter is a good baker or goodness knows what it would have been like! 😄. Thank you for the kind wishes and for always being there.
Katie many thanks. I am glad that it was nice too. We went out for an Italian meal and I can still hear my Grandson's voice telling us all he liked Italian apple juice!! 😁 Then he was looking for a dessert and said:" how on earth can anyone eat that? It's disgusting! My Granddaughter just smiled and looked at me as she had decided it was what she wanted! Children always manage to cheer people up don't they?
My son always gave me a mushy valentine's mom's card....no gifts with card. Which I appreciated. What mom wants her kid spending money on her? I kept most of those cards. When he was sick but still quite able, he sent me for Valentine's Day an email linked to YouTube's, THE INTRUDER'S, " I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY MAMA". My favorite gift to this day.
I will have to look that up!! Probably end up in tears. My husband's favourite for me was Chris de Burgh singing Lady in Red. I never really liked it but it always got him on the dance floor. Happy memories now. Strange how things turn out?
No such thing as a self-pity post! Isn't that what we're all on here for? support?
Hugs to you Derek Hearts, flowers, sweet music, something tasty you both enjoyed, a glass of something sparkly, warm and wonderful memories - not the hard ones, but the good ones - gratitude for the time you did have him....
For me Valentine's day is something that brings back other sad memories. My beloved had undergo a quick outpatient procedure which should have been in by 8:00am home by 18:00. Well she was in theatre for 6hrs.Serious complications could not bring her out of sedation. After recovering that night she had a heart attack. But While she was in theatre, I didn't know better,was pacing up and down checking every half hour at nurses desk. Only to be told no she is still in theatre. I was going in to serious panic mode. On Valentine s day I can remember and relive that particular day as though were yesterday. To all on this forum I bid you good day.
Painful memories for you Henry, exactly the opposite to what the day is meant to be, hopefully those vivid memories will fade and you will remember happier days with her.
I know that feeling Julie. It's like going down with the flu, you ache all over, but don't know why.
Happy today to you. Glad to see you are still with us. I need the support, just as much now, as I did at the height of Steve's illness. We are still here for you.
Still very raw to you Julie, getting over losing Rog will take a good while but I'm assured that those sad painful memories fade and you will remember the happier days.
Belated Happy Birthday Jean, hope you managed a little joy on the day. Not a day goes by when my thoughts are based around all of you lovely people who have lost the love of their life.
Jean belated Happy Birthday to you. I hope it was a nice one? I never knew we had Birthday's so close to each other. Hope your son didn't even think of making you a cake? Unless he is a good baker of course!
Jean it sounds ideal. Grandchildren make it special don't they? Mine and their parents sang too. My Grandson's face was lit up! He loves birthday's...anyone's. He is such a happy little soul.
Hope you are having something nice tonight to cheer yourself up?
Well you did well. You got your son to sit long enough to watch a movie and had a G&T too? You will have to tell me the secret! My son is always too busy to sit and talk!
Hi Ratcliffe sorry you are feeling low. Try not to be, remember happy times and most of all Love the person you are with the most........ that person is you! Ratcliffe. Be kind to yourself
Group hug💗 yes, sometimes these days will sneak up and sometimes we can anticipate them for quite a long time. Grieving the loss of someone who suffered like our loved ones is so much more complicated and painful than most people can understand. Except each of us, of course
I was going to post something for Valentine's Day, but you beat me to it!
This will be my first V-Day without Jonathan. He was always the more thoughtful one, buying me a card and a gift every year. I have kept all of them, but can't read them now as they just make me cry too much.
While I so understand the sadness that can come up today, I was thinking we could re-use V-Day for our own purposes. Yes, I know for the rest of the world today is all about mushiness and romance. And yes, of course that stuff is important. But actually, it's supposed to be about love. And who better than us to know what that really means? If going through PSP with someone isn't an act of the most profound love every single day, then I don't know what is. Love, the most authentic kind, is what kept me going through 5 long, hard years. It's what made me smile and choose to remain in what were often horrible situations, just to be with that one person who had so captured my heart.
So I think today should be about us being so proud of ourselves, and I certainly (through the sadness and the tears) will think about how lucky I was to have found that one amazing person. Too many people are never lucky enough to find that.
Hugs to all of you. I'll eat a chocolate (or 2!) for you all later
Well done Sharon, what a wonderful post. You are so right! We should be celebrating our love for our partners. Whether they have finished their life's journey, or still in the middle of the horrors of PSP. We proved that we were capable of giving our all to the one we loved. We may feel that we let our loved ones down at times, with our bad temper and frustration. BUT none of us ever failed at loving the man or woman that we cared for.
So with tears in my eyes, today as taken on a whole new meaning. I will celebrate it, go and buy some red roses to mark my love for very special man.
Well put Sharon, I think we all need reminding of the special kind of love we give to our loved ones as we travel this long and gruelling journey and I'm sure they feel that love back to us even if they can't express it.
Thank you Kate. It's too easy for us to be so hard on ourselves, and not recognise and acknowledge what extraordinary things we have done (and continue to do), carers and loved ones alike.
Sharon you are leading me astray! I have 2 boxes of chocolate here since my birthday and haven't opened them! Now you have mentioned chocolate I will have to have some! 😁. No will power you see!
Hey Guys don't leave me out - quite honestly I am not altogether sure which day of the week it is let alone the date ! but thanks for reminding me - now I am in bits but then most days I am in bits so what the hell - think I missed pancake day as well .Raining - grey - miserable everything that makes the imperfect February day .
Hello dear Georgepa, I think we all miss your lovely descriptive posts of the Devon countryside but I guess you don't feel in the right frame of mind to entertain us all. It's still very early days isn't it, although it probably feels a lifetime to you. Hopefully as the Springtime replaces these cold miserable days your spirits will be lifted a little.
Yes today. Valentine's Day will be different, so I decided as long as Jim can't buy me candy, I bought it for him! And of course I'll eat it for him too! Got to keep the humor and I wish everyone a very SWEET day.
Hope that it's not too difficult for you R, as Heady says the build up often is more painful than the actual day or event. We agreed a couple of years ago to forget Valentines Day but it is our 44th Wedding Anniversary on the 16th and that will feel more painful for me as always had a card and flowers. Ben isn't a true romantic but I always knew how sincere his words were in the card. Will try to put it on back burner and just treat it as a normal PSP day. Hope all of you lovely people out there manage a smile as they look back on the better times before this awful disease did its worst!
Hey! None of that!! You celebrate big style. Buy something special for both of you. If you want a card, take Ben out to buy one. Get the flowers in for him. Can you imagine how Ben is feeing, not being able to do this for you, so help him. About a year before Steve died, it was 25years that we had met. Knew we would never make 25 yrs married, I threw a large party. Just because he couldn't get up and twirl me around the floor, didn't make it any less special. This is showing the love that Sharon is talking about, complete and unreserved. That needs to be celebrated, so get out, buy a pretty dress, plan a special evening and make it an anniversary to be remembered.
I might just do that Anne but will puréed food for me is not on, fancy a steak but will have to dine alone as Ben is all tucked up and asleep by eight pm. Wish I felt up to a gathering, don't think that is going to happen so I will fill my glass and have a toast to both of us. Cheers to you all out there.
Kate,I know it's hard, unfortunately, we all know how hard it is. Sometimes though, we have to rise above the mundane and make a day special. It doesn't take much to add that little bit of sunshine to the day. Glad i was able to help. Enough people have put me straight over the years, including you!
Kate don't forget it. It is still your special day. All the others are shared with the world but your wedding anniversary is special. So make sure Ben knows you love him still. Happy Anniversary lovely.
Kate not if you make it special? It doesn't have to be anything great. Just as long as he knows you love him? That's the main thing. You don't ever forget that he loves you either. You also have a lot of friends here who care for you as well. Can you not eat something other than a steak? Maybe fish as that goes down quicker? Have a dessert such as jelly and ice cream? Anything so you both feel that it's your special day? As Anne said buy yourself a card or get a member of the family to do it? I always did that and the same with a present for me (nothing special) but he felt special because I wasn't forgotten. It's important that he doesn't feel useless because he really isn't. He is still the man you married. Just now he is ill and needs you very much. I usually bought my hubby aftershave or something. At least he smelled nice!
Make a promise to yourself that you will enjoy it for both your sakes. It will make you feel better when he is no longer with you. I promise!
Dear Marie. All of your feedback has spurred me on to celebrate our anniversary somehow, if not for my sake but for his. I know he feels it that he has no independent way of getting a cad or flowers for our anniversary and I know it upsets him. Thankyou for reminding me that it is important to celebrate.
Kate, well done! We will want a report back you realise? Make him realise he is special. He has to be to be married to you? You never get time back so everyday is precious.
Happy Valentine Day. It's awhile since I have been on the site. Went on my first trip with two friends since Liam died on 15th Nov. Enjoyed although I had was a bit under the weather with a cold. Came home Monday and fell in Dublin airport broke my wrist and ribs it's then you realise how lonely it is. Arm in plaster and my sister took me to her house and is spoiling me. It's lovely to read all your valentine messages and think of times gone by. I aim to pick myself up and make the best of everything. Love to all xx
I think it always passes through our minds that when there is only one of you you can't look after yourself if you are ill or have an accident. It brings home your vulnerability. Hope you are all mended soon, thank goodness for sisters and brothers who come to the rescue.
P what on earth are you like? I am glad your sister is taking care of you. Tell her to make a good job of spoiling you. Glad you had a holiday but sorry you ended up hurting yourself. Much love to you.
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Hearts, flowers, sweet music, something tasty you both enjoyed, a glass of something sparkly, warm and wonderful memories - not the hard ones, but the good ones - gratitude for the time you did have him....
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