Given Up

[am2015]

I've been away from the forum for a while now as we're going through a really rough patch with Mum. I think we've given up and lost the fight. Mum had a peg fitted in late July, her condition deteriorated significantly after this and she has been sleeping nearly 24hrs ever since. She barely opens her eyes for a few minutes a day.

Recently mum has started moaning/wailing in her sleep. There does not appear to be any saliva causing problems and she has good pain control. Has anyone ever experienced this before?

Also, there is almost a gurgling sound with the moaning. Mum's mouth is very dry as she rarely closes it, unfortunately only closing when we need to clean or do suction. I've had my finger trapped in a tight lock in her mouth a couple of times. I am really looking for any tips at all.

I know we're near the end, just want Mum to be comfortable.

[Satt2015]

I’m so very sorry but I don’t know the answer. Thinking of you and sending much love! X

[am2015 in reply to Satt2015]

Thank you x

[easterncedar]

The moaning or wailing isn't uncommon, and may have more to do with unconscious positioning of the vocal chords than any discomfort. The gurgling likewise. It does seem she is nearing the end, but she is probably not in pain. She will be able to hear you. I used glycerin on sponge swabs on soft sticks to keep Henry's mouth moist. I think it helped. Peace to you and your mother, love Ec

[am2015 in reply to easterncedar]

Thank you. I'll definitely look into the glycerin. The sound is just so awful, just feel useless.

[easterncedar in reply to am2015]

Would she tolerate any kind of light massage? My Henry loved having his feet massaged and had one every day. Perhaps just her hands? Her temples? Is there a scent she liked? Music? A music therapist came three days before my sweetheart's death and played such lovely meditative hammer dulcimer music that his clenched and cramped muscles relaxed and never tensed up again. Anything to convey care and love and peace will help you both, I think. The useless feeling is harrowing in itself. I know.

Please take care of yourself, too. Hang on. Love and peace, Sarah

[am2015 in reply to easterncedar]

Mum had gentle massage, but it no longer helps. Thanks Sarah, we'll definitely give it a go xx

[easterncedar in reply to am2015]

The glycerin mouth moisturizer and the swabs should be available at a pharmacy.

[raincitygirl in reply to easterncedar]

Oh I appreciate your posts so much.... Thank you for staying on here and helping all of us out. Bless you!

Anne G.

[Marie_14]

G had the same problem before he died. Not the wailing but the gurgling. I thought that was the saliva but very deep down. When he died I put my hand on his throat and could feel it all drain away. I knew then he was no longer suffering but at peace. I think your Mum is probably very near the end.

God bless you both.

Marie x

[am2015 in reply to Marie_14]

Thank you. We just want mum to be comfortable and not suffer. PSP has beaten us.

[bgentges]

I'm so sorry, praying for comfort for your Mum as it sounds like she maybe nearing the end of her journey. I pray for peace for you.

[am2015 in reply to bgentges]

Thank you

[bryval]

I've had my finger trapped and toothbrush too when brushing Valeries teeth. have you tried using bedi shields which fit over your finger ? they are available on line from the manufacturer.

good luck Bryan

[am2015 in reply to bryval]

We usually use gauze dipped in water or mouthwash as it is impossible to brush mum's teeth now. I'll definitely look at bedi shields. Thank you.