Not quite but it is a lovely home that my Dad has been moved into. However, he phoned me yesterday to say he wants me to take him back home tomorrow when I go to see him. 'I want to go home & you must take me' he says. I reminded him that he needs much more care than I can give him and needs to be there. 'You're bloody hopeless arn't you?' he says.
I know I'm not & that he doesn't mean it but I'm dreading our visit tomorrow now. What can I possibly say to him?
X
The truth. You can’t take care of him any longer.
Hang on! It's almost universally true that it takes weeks for folks to settle into a home. You might suggest that he needs at least to give it a fair trial. I'm glad you know he doesn't mean it, but it can be hard not to internalize such comments. You are doing the best you can to take care of him, and have done very well indeed to find him a lovely place. As for what you can say - I would advise that you try to prepare yourself to distract and deflect rather than engage in discussion. Best wishes and good luck, Ec
Thankyou so much, yes I thought it would take a few weeks for him to settle in but it still hits when I hear him ask to leave. I will go in prepared!😊
My husband wanted to come home too. Towards the end I might have been able to do it if the CHC funding had come through in time.
However I always told him I loved him and explained we were waiting for the funding to come through. I am not sure he believed the last bit although it was true.
You have a child if I remember correctly? So you are in a very different situation. We used to take care of our Grandson but I had to tell my daughter I couldn't do it any longer. Not sure she has ever forgiven me for that.
Lots of problems with PSP. Just when you think you have sorted something along comes something else?
If you are happy with the home he is in you might just have to take this on the chin? Just remember you are not useless! I suspect your Dad is very well aware of that too. Just make sure he knows you love him that's the most important thing.
Hugs to you.
Marie x
Thanks Marie. I do yes, have a daughter & a nursing home is the only solution now. Yes I will reassure that we all love him and doing this because it's the best for him.
I’ve been asked the same question many times by my dad. He’d tell me to book him a taxi to take him home, as he knew I couldn’t fit his wheelchair in my car.
At first I ignored the question, or told him “I’ll see if I can dad”. In the end I had to simply tell him the truth, that my mum couldn’t cope with his needs anymore.
I know my dad hates having to be in a home, not being able to do anything by himself now. I think over time he’s realised and has stopped asking. He’s been in the home for nearly 2 years.
Take care x
Aww so so difficult but this is what we say to my dad when he says that he wants to come home. We’d absolutely love more than anything that you could come home but your care needs are very complex and we wouldn’t be able to manage, we explain that this is something we never ever wanted but the decision was taken out of our hands. 95% of people in nursing/care homes don’t want to be there, fact! Absolutely understandable! But sometimes the decision is taken out of our hands and the carers health also has to be considered! Bloody Psp stinks!! And I tell my Dad that too! X
Heartbreaking! My husband,before he ever became ill had expressed to me that he never would want to be put in a nursing home.At the time he did end up going into one,we both believed it to be only temporary,to get physical therapy for strength so he could come home.If we had known he would never come home again I don’t know how we would have handled that! Bless you and be strong. Maybe when you get there he will have forgotten he even said that!
It wasn't mentioned & he didn't say anything about going home. He was better than I imagined he would be x
I am sorry to hear you have to hear that, but remember he is also overwhelmed. There is nothing you can say to that, try to let those comments slide. My sister was told we are just doing things for our own convenience (by my dad the spouse of the psp sufferer). He is also overwhelmed that there is nothing that can be done for my mom and no longer has the capacity to see it is our mom too and we also hate this disease and the decisions we have to make.
I've had worse comments thrown at me from my Dad. I forget them & yes he is overwhelmed & lost not being in his own home. Thankfully he was actually ok on visiting him today. X
I had to put Larry in a home a year ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. He still does not totally understand why. I brought him home for a weekend a few months ago. It was overwhelming for me and ended up being a mistake. He didn’t want to leave and I think it broke both of our hearts. 😪
J gave me the day from hell yesterday I never stopped from the moment I got up I was on the go till I went to bed. I have been inflicted with an awful cold virus and really have been unwell and have had to push myself to my limits when I should of been in bed resting. I was thinking I just cant cope anymore either. Omg it is soo hard .
Isn't it just! So very hard & unfair x
Hope you are managing OK. My dad went into a home a year and a bit ago, it’s very nice but not ideal as it’s full of old ladies and he is only 66! He occasionally asks me for money for a cab or asks when are WE going home. I generally just try and divert the conversation. I tell him that there’s some money in his wallet if he needs it. He wouldn’t actually be able to get out without knowing the codes for the doors. It’s sad though as he lived by himself for so long as is very much used to being in control of the television.! 
I hope that he is happy enough when I’m not there.
I'm still a bit shell shocked after the last few weeks as I'm sure my Dad is, I also hope he's happy when we've left. Same with my dad, he lived alone after my mum died 6yrs ago, with the last 2/3yrs being cared for my me. Huge, huge loss of independence which is the hardest of it all.
All so very sad, thanks for sharing xx
I too, am having the same problem with my husband , he almost begs me not to leave him. I would have him home,but he needs too much nursing care. I feel terrible when I leave him, although I am there every day and he is in good hands.
So sad but what could you do, I think also you should just tell him that you can't cope with him, and what it was doing to your mum xxxxxx
Yes very sad, although he didn't mention it on Saturday. I do tell him I am unable to care for him at home now but it dosent make much difference. It was just me doing the caring though, my mum is no longer with us.xxx
So sorry I didn't read your post properly, really really sorry xxxxx
Don't worry, it's fine. X
Can dad be forced in to a home?
Afraid in my own home.
