My wife and carer is slipping into a depresion

[steph02]

I feel that my wife is slipping into a depression and there is nothing that I can do about it. I feel that i have been getting a bit worse over the last month I am falling more often and seem to have more difficulty in swallowing food, i did have a cocking incident last Saturday where a piece of turkey got stuck in my throat and it took about two hours to clear. The trouble is that I feel responsible for her depression and I don't what I can do about it she thinks that I am going to get worse and she won't be able to cope. but I still feel fine.

[doglington]

It is depressing and frightening.

Has she talked to a counsellor ? We can organise it at the hospice. I found it really good to have somewhere I could safely cry and rant. Worth a try. Let me know.

Love to you both, Jean x

[Heady]

Hi, talk to someone about her. The hospice, GP, anybody you have contact with. Your wife needs counselling and more help, if you are able to tell the professionals, they might actually take notice. They certainly won't if just your wife talks to them. Although I doubt if she is able too, at present, depressed people can't ask for help themselves.

i know you are bound to feel responsible, equally your wife is going to feel she is failing you, every time you fall or choke. Vicious circle I am afraid. If you are struggling with talking to her, to express your concerns and worrys, try writing, be on paper, or on your computer. As a Carer, you always feel to blame, if something goes wrong and never seem to know what to do for the best.

Hope you get help for your wife soon.

Lots of love

Anne

[am2015]

Don't be so hard on yourself, you didn't choose this for yourselves. Just as your looking out for your wife she is looking out for you. One thing is for sure, you do need to get help in. My father and I looked after our mother and it is increasingly difficult for everyone concerned, eventhough we all wanted to do everything possible. Maybe you can get your children or family to help and talk to your wife. My Dad couldn't face what was happening to Mum, help meant failure to us. But actually help will allow both of you to spend proper time together. I could see it in my mum's eyes that she was horrified with my taking her to the toilet etc, she was wanted me to be her daughter and have someone else change her diaper. We only acknowledged this as a family when mum had deteriorated significantly.

Don't leave asking for help too long like we did, for you both.

[aliciamq]

I care for my husband and many days are OK at this time - We ran around like crazy for 50 years!!!! I remember wishing we could just stay home - well, we are home now and I've been content in a strange way being busy getting use to this weird psp life. Well, the new adventure is losing it's pazazz. I'm starting to get a little weary/angry and disappointed that nothing I've done has helped, really. I kindof want to jump in my kayak and drag my hand through the water just for a minute. I promise I'll come back!!!!!!!!

I don't know anything about depression - I do know about anger . I use it as a tool right now! - what could my husband do for me????? Cooperate with my efforts - counting the steps - stopping on my X's on the floor - letting me cut the food up so small - using the pee bottle at night instead of clobbering across to the bathroom(and falling) - not trying to carry stuff - being willing to go get ice cream and being OK to stay in the car - and keep us out of the emergency room and just once ask if there is something I'd like to watch on the Darn TV!!!!! I'm sorry that all of my efforts haven't made this go away. But, I don't want to be sad.

[steph02 in reply to aliciamq]

Yes i can empathise with your hubby He seems to do the same things that I do to annoy her it is not done on purpose though it is more a case of 'please don't treat me as an invalid ' I mean my wife too cuts the meat up so small its embarrassing especially if we are eating out or in company I can see why she does it though . But now with this depression I daren't say boo to a goose. I am feeling stifled.

[Althea-c in reply to steph02]

This PSP is our hell it causes so much trouble between spouses. I can cry 🙏💛

[aliciamq in reply to steph02]

I try VERY hard to not go to the invalid place with him especially in "public" to include in front of kids and grandkids - he is still capable, but, with modifications. People live with all kinds of different abilities and he needs to know he is differently abled now!!! ~ i.e. he can't walk backwards any more!!!!!!!!!! Today he decided to help my grandson and I fix a broken bench. He had the job of finding the drill bit we needed. Next thing I know my grandson came to tell me grampa fell- I came in to find a drill WITH the drill bit IN it on the floor - a vase full of water that had fallen from the top of the china cabinet he crashed into was on the floor - his cell phone was laying in a puddle and a man who cannot get himself up ~ on the floor in front of a 14 yr. old kid. Dangit!!!! Am I mad at him? - a little bit !!!! I got to teach my grandson how to get someone up, hopefully, turning the event into something better.....aaand we all ended up outside with the U-Step fixing the bench. It would have taken a second or two to call me to say the drill was all set and I would, of course, insisted he come out with us.

[Althea-c in reply to aliciamq]

💛🙏

[aliciamq in reply to steph02]

I hope things change for you ~ you need to participate in your life!!!!!! Take care!!

[Katiebow]

I too had symptoms of depression when my husband was first diagnosed with PSP and facing the obstacles ahead of us filled me with dread and anxiety. I had months of counselling and had many dark thoughts. The therapy helped me enormously and I also take 10mg of citalipram to help with the anxiety, it helps to take the edge of the helplessness you feel as a carer. Many on this site would not advocate take antidepressants but it has really helped me through and the Parkinson's nurse said 80%of carers are taking them. I am more philosophical nowadays and just get by day to day, it was definitely more difficult for me to come to terms with our new lives in the early days. This disease certainly tests both sufferer and carer in different ways and I know Ben felt very guilty that I was having to do everything as he just wasn't able to help. I hope that your wife also manages to come to terms with the new situation, it is a loss for both parties in so many ways. Take good care of yourselves and get as much help as possible to help you both through.

Love Kate xx

[Althea-c in reply to Katiebow]

Dear Kate. The carers and the suffere

[Althea-c in reply to Katiebow]

💛🙏

[Jafarrar]

Thanks it does help to know it is not just me losing it.

[doglington in reply to Jafarrar]

Join the club !!!

x

[Althea-c in reply to Jafarrar]

💛🙏

[Althea-c]

Hi Steph02, you seem like a wonderful man. Your concern for you wife when you yourself are going through this is remarkable.

How long have you had PSP ? and is there anyone to help you when. Your wife is feeling down ?

Much strength to you. 🙏💛

[steph02]

I was diagnosed about 3 years after 7 years of atypical parkinsonism I feel the progression is slow , although now I have difficulties in swallowing

and it's most distressing for my wife when i start to chock@ think that I shall go to a day centre for 2 days a week to give her a bit of respite. she has just popped out for her counselling and left me home alone but I have not fallen today.

[Jafarrar in reply to steph02]

Steph02, hope things are better today. I pray your wife is feeling better. It is hard my husband has not walked in over 2 years he has CBD for about 5 yrs. I don't have to worry much about him falling because he doesn't get up by his self. But I do need to be here with him. Some days are harder than others. My faith in God is what gets me through the day. I say I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengths me. At the end of the day I thank him for the strength he gives me. I will be praying for you both Amen. Jenny 😇