Well yesterday a bed was available for George at the hospice, what a lovely place, he has his own room, his bedroom opens on to lovely gardens, it is so beautiful there. Felt really bad leaving him there, felt like I was letting him down. I thought he would be in there a few days, but they are saying 2 weeks, I am going to take this time to rest myself, and do a bit of what I want, I am going to go up at lunch time and stay a few hours, feeling guilty about that as well not staying longer. Hopefully they will find something to managed his agitation, which is the hardest thing to deal with.

Hugs to you all Yvonne xxxxx

27 Replies

  • Hi Yvonne

    How lovely that you are going to get a MUCH deserved break.

    Go do things at your leisure and enjoy your rest.

    As you know George will be cared for so again go do your own thing.

    Take care and enjoy

    Sue x

  • Well done Yvonne!! I'm so pleased you liked it!! I know 'exactly' how you feel! But you have a great assurance that, he is in a lovely hospice, where they will take bloody good care of dear George! So, as for you, take time out, for yourself! And by the way, this is respite for you both, so maybe, if you can force yourself, go every other day? The other thing is, they will get all his medications right and most likely control that agitation! Thinking of you both and thank you for sharing x

  • Relax and enjoy Yvonne.


  • Good !!!

    Know the feeling - but ditch the guilt and nurture yourself. You're doing it for his benefit as well !!!

    love, Jean xx

  • Hi Yvonne, don't feel guilty about not spending loads of time with George. It's extremely tiring, just visiting. This is about giving you a break, as much as anything. How will that happen, if you are at the Hospice 24/7? Part of Georges agitation, maybe to do with your tiredness, thinking he getting too much for you to care for. So get that much needed rest.

    When Steve went into respite, I never went near him at meal times, I was expected by everyone, including myself, to feed him. As this was the most stressful times for us, I kept well away.

    If you are sat there for several hours, take a book, or your knitting, or something, just to take any pressure of trying to make conversation.

    Hope they manage to sort out his problems.

    Lots of love


  • Hi Anne. May I say how relieved I am to hear you saying that mealtimes were the most stressful time for you. I am really struggling with mealtimes but feel really guilty for not being more relaxed about it. My poor husband is finding it more and more difficult to sit and not be pulled overy by his rigid arm so he sways back and forward and it's like hitting a moving target. I put a pillow down the side of his wheelchair but.it's not much use. So good to know it's not just me. Hope you are well. I think about you often.


  • Thank you Margaret. Have you thought about getting extra help at mealtimes. Thinking about it now, that would have helped us no end. Steve was always better at eating, if I wasn't around. I tried everything, including drinking wine while giving him his dinner. You are not alone in your frustrations, or your anger. How can you not be, knowing he has to eat to survive, yet he won't/can't co-operate.

    Sending big hug and much love

    Lots of love


  • Thank you all, just come up he looks relaxed, he looks fine, it is so quiet here really lovely gardens xxxx

  • Sounds like a good plan to take care of yourself. Remember George is not the only one suffering.

  • Hey how about a picture of the lovely gardens? Glad you are getting some rest.

  • Will post one so you can see, he is in there to try and sort out the agitation xxxx

  • Wish our hospice offered respite but they don't, would feel much happier leaving Ben in their care. Make the most of your free time Yvonne, including plenty of rest.

    Love and hugs

    Kate xxx

  • Katie are you sure? I only ask because we were told that. Because Garry went to the Day Care once a week someone he goit friendly with told him that he was going in for respite in a couple of weeks. I got him to ask this man what was wrong with him when he went the following week. He had Parkinson's but said he was able to book himself in every so often to give his wife a break!!

    I asked someone there about it and they told me off the record as it were that if you had connections with the Hospice they would do it! So I asked was going to the Day Centre not a connection. The following week he was given an offer of respite!

    Marie x

  • So glad you're getting a break Yvonne. It's the feeling that someone else is responsible for a while that makes all the difference.

    Vicki x

  • Vicki yes just go in the afternoon for a while, next Wednesday they have asked for a family meeting xxx

  • Good, well make the most of the peace and quiet and the lovely weather. Don't try to catch up on all the things that need doing, just sit in the garden and read a book or something!

    V x

  • Hi Yvonne. Use your respite as it should be used. For rest and relaxation and 're charging your batteries. My hubby Gerry has been attending their day centre once a fortnight but I'm not sure now if he's well enough to go so I'm going In for a chat today and see what they suggest.

    What I'm really trying to say in my cack handed way is that there's no place better or with nicer caring people than a hospice. If I was offered respite from them I'd bite their hand off taking it and actually be happy for Gerry to be there. All the best and enjoy your "me" time. Marie

  • Thank you Maria just going up every day for a few hours xxxx

  • Excellent news - take a well earned break and get lots of unbroken sleep .When V was in the Hospice I actually thought she should come home and I could stay in there in her place !!

  • Funny you should say that George, I said the same thing today x

  • George they wouldn't have known where to put you with that Cerise dress on?! 😀. Hoping that it's getting used now we have warm weather? Storms tomorrow they have said. They get it wrong all the time however?

    By the way I have this vision of you in the garden eating the red clematis! See what images a few words conjure up?😅

    Hope you are doing alright and V too?

    Marie x

  • Hello Yvonne, I am new to this site and am gradually getting to know the ropes. I am very interested in your being able to get your husband into a Hospice for rest and treatment. My bedbound husband has terrible attacks of anxiety and agitation every day, which always seems to come on late mornings. I have been looking after him for 5 years now and am limited to getting out as he won't be left alone. I am exhausted and at the end of my tether most days, despite needing knee surgery for both my knees (one of which is to be operated on in 4 weeks) and I don't know what to do because somebody needs to care for him, and when I am released from hospital I won't be able to do much at all, hobbling around in pain and on crutches. I doubt very much whether our local Hospice will take him, or even if they have room for a couple of weeks? Our Hospice is St Christophers in Sydenham, south east London and we live in Beckenham, Kent. I think it has about 35 beds. Is your local Hospice larger and can accommodate more people? What are other people's experiences with Hospice respite. Some of you may be reading this. Warm greetings and know you are not alone. Janet.

  • Janet it only had 8 beds and 4 nurses, everyone is so lovely, took the grandchildren to see him today, took some lunch which we ate in the family room, so quiet, I nearly fell asleep on the sofa. Xxxx

  • Yes, as everyone else said, don't feel bad. Maybe you both needed to have a break from each other, it gets all so tangled up and emotional, so that you can't think beyond that moment anymore. The garden sounds lovely - may you both find peace there. I can hear the birdsong already.

    Much love,


  • Lieve there are bird tables outside each of the bedroom doors, there are chairs to sit on outside the bedroom doors, saw wild rabbits running about, roses in all different colours, water features so beautiful xx

  • Hi Yvonne haven't been on a lot I didn't know George was having a time, please don't feel guilty even tho we do take this time for your self rest up and get out and some things. Will be thinking of you hugs. Nettie

  • Nettie thank you, trying to relax , been a stressful week, a lot going on Yvonne xx.

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