A new beginning I did not want

A new beginning I did not want

Well the funeral went well, church full (ok 2/3rds family) but lots of friends and acquaintances from Margaret's groups: tap dancers, Operatic, Court Service and childhood friends who came from all over. Never been to a burial before (our side are all cremated) very difficult to watch my beloved lowered into the ground. She was placed alongside her dad who died in 1960 when Margaret was 10, her mum was emotional but I think she is beginning to accept our loss. My eulogy was liked by everyone I somehow managed without a breakdown but do not know how.

The wake was a happy affair celebrating Margaret's life and all liked the idea of a Lancashire hot pot rather than little sandwiches meant everyone was chatting and remembering Margaret. Children running round innocent of the loss was something Margaret would have appreciated and loved.

Yesterday spent grey day reading cards and counting the donations for PSPA research very surprised and started the probate forms. Today is sunny so will go for a walk on the beach and start to think of the future.

I have attached a photo of Margaret taken just before PSP began to ravage her but it never removed her smile. It is how I am trying to remember her rather than the last 6 years.

Thanks to everyone on this site, best wishes for your individual PSP/CBD battles. Tim

40 Replies

  • Tim,

    What a beautiful picture of Margaret. It sounds like you had a wonderful celebration of her life. Keep all the happy memories and try to let go of the rest. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you begin a new journey in your life. Be at peace knowing that Margaret is free of this horrible disease.

    Lynn O

  • Thanks Lynn O

  • Hi Tim, sounds like a good send off. Well done for reading the Eulogy, not something any of us could have done.

    Now comes the hard bit. We all have to do the next few weeks our own way. Mine is to do only the essentials. Then rest. The dining room table is covered in paperwork. Had to get last year's tax returns in. Have got two meetings this afternoon.

    The last few years have taken a toll on us, mind and body. Make sure you find time to heal as well as cope with your grief. (AND the rotten paperwork!)

    Lots of love


  • Keep thinking of you Anne and how you are coping, it must be so so difficult to pick up the pieces and try to get on track when your heart is heavy. Sending you love and a hug

    Kate xxx

  • What a beautiful picture of Margaret, keep that picture newar you and the memories of PSP will fade.

    Hugs from Toronto


  • Dear Tim,

    There have been so many losses in the community lately. I am grieving with every one, but especially for you and Margaret. You shared your struggles and what you learned from them so thoughtfully, and your love seemed real and rare and wonderful. I believe you were both very fortunate to have had each other for as long as you did, and I can imagine how lonely this new beginning feels for you. I am glad the wake was a happy one. I love the list of Margaret's groups - tap dancing, operatic, court service!? That's living. I admire that.

    I wish you every comfort there can be in your happy memories and the company of family and friends, Tim. Thank you for all the support you have given me. Love and Peace, Easterncedar

  • A new beginning none of us want, it's a tough one, me I thought I'd be looking for a new house this year with downstairs wet room etc, now I'm going to be looking for something to move to by myself!

    Hopefully the horrors of PSP will gradually fade, and only the happy memories will remain

    Well done for reading the eulogy, not something I could have done. Lancashire hot pot, that's different! It sounds like it was a good send off.

    Me, I've set myself a goal to sort out one thing a day, I only just finished sorting Mum and Dads paperwork in November! Really wasn't ready to embark on another lot


    Debbie xx

  • Tim thinking of you on this sad day, Margret is in a much better place, sending you a big hug xxxxx

  • Dear Tim

    A beautiful photo, thank you for sharing! Keep those memories clean see my darling x

  • NOT clean! Close!!!!!!

  • (You know you can edit your replies after you post them, just in case you care to....I do it all the time - darn autocorrect!)

  • Nooooo! I didn't know that! Thank you EC

  • just click the little arrow to the right of the like button.

  • Thanks EC did not know that trick.

  • and your posts so error-free all this time...

  • hahahahaha i lernt that tirck! its goodo, cuz i hat e my posts to be full of erorrs! hahaha

  • ThanksAVB I had to laugh, which is always good medicine.


  • Nice picture of Margaret, she looks like someone with whom you could have a nice conversation, even if you didn't know her that well. A type of person to give her opinion and to listen openly to others...I like that kind of person!

    I am very proud of you to give the eulogy....that was difficult I'm sure. And now the next phase of your life. And I want you to know we will be here as you find your way.....Remember to visit us from time to time....sounds like Heady understands the paperwork if there is someone you need to rant and rave ...and there is always post college classes that NannaB found many new opportunities and friends at ...something to look in to. Until then just take those walks and remember your friend and wife while basking in the sunset.....

    Take care


  • Dear Timit sounds you did every thing as Margaret would have liked it. So glad Margaret is at peace. My deapest condolences. What a lovely picture of Margaret. That is how she would want to be remembered. I am sure would want you to continue with a new life for yourself. Hugs

  • Hi dear Tim, sounds like the funeral was nicely done and went well. Congratulations on making it through the eulogy in her honor. I bet she'd be proud right? I'm very sorry for your profound loss. As a daughter of grief for my entire adult life, may I offer a word of advice that is the main things that have helped me endure for decades without succumbing to the vast sorrow. Mostly, always remember that Margaret loved you with all your perfect imperfections and she'd want you to go on to be happy again because that's what love always wants is joy for the beloved. She's not here to live a longer life so YOU need to throw yourself into living and recovering to make up for HER loss. Make her proud because we shall all meet again some day. (I hope you share that belief.) It's way easier said than done but, just please remember what she'd lovingly want for you and honor those wishes. This mentality has been my saving grace because I'll ALWAYS miss and need my Mama more than words can say. She died of cancer at only 34. THIRTYfour. I wish you all the best Tim and may your dearly beloved Margaret rest in peace as I'm sure she is.

  • I'm sorry for you GMD, you couldn't have been more than 14 when your mama died.....something hard to recover from and certainly alot of wisdom acquired from the pain.

  • Dear Tim, I am pleased the day went well. Like you I found looking through pre PSP pictures comforting and I hope you will have some post PSP ones of happy memories yet to be made. Take time for some breathing space.

    All the best. Keith

  • So sorry for your loss tim. Reading a eulogy for a loved one is very hard but lovely to hear you managed it, and that the wake was a celebration of Margarets life. That's the way it should be. All the best to you for your new beginning. God bless you. Marie

  • Lovely photo and beautiful smile xxx

  • So sorry for your loss.

    Your next chapter is about to begin and I wish you strength to face your new challenges and lots of luck and hope for a good future.

  • Hi Tim

    Lovely lovel picture, look after yourself

    Julie xx

  • Lovely picture, lovely words (as always). My thoughts are with you Tim.


  • Hi Tim, you are right, it is a new beginning and one that none of us want but it is a beginning not the end. You have laid Margaret's body to rest but she will always be with you, her smile, her laughter her funny little ways, you will remember them.

    I'm very impressed by the way you have started sorting the paperwork. I kept putting it off when better offers came my way that I could enjoy but I think I have finally completed the tax form and once copied out neater must get it off this week with the probate form.

    My thoughts are with you Tim and I hope you soon find this life can be good, OK with waves of sadness, but still worth making the most of.

    Sending you a big hug.


  • Such a lovely photo, Tim. Its good to see the Margaret you carry in your heart and read of her many interests. I remember you writing of her tap-dancing before.

    I do admire you being able to speak a eulogy. I know I won't be able to. Its sounds to have been a happy occasion. Young children help to lighten things.

    I know you will survive. I hope you will still keep in touch here.

    Thinking of you, love Jean xx

  • Well done my friend. There is no way I could have spoken at Kim's funeral. I did manage to play one hymn that Kim told me she wanted played when we were dating, over 35 years ago (Pass It On). I was able to get through it without any clinkers (I think). It's been a little over 6 months since her passing and I still have many sad days. But I know she wouldn't want me to overly grieve and that life must go on. It's just not as enjoyable as it once was. But someday we will be reunited in Paradise.

    Stay in touch Tim. You have been an inspiration to many of us on this site.


  • That sounds like a lovely send off for Margaret, she has a very warm and friendly face and I hope that is how you will eventually remember her as the most recent memories will subside and the real lady will shine through. It will be a tough time for you Tim and as others have said the paperwork doesn't help, last thing you want to be doing but have no choice in the matter. I wish you well and hope that you are getting some support to help you through your grieving, however you chose to do that because it is a process with different stages and lots of emotions to deal with. Take care and be kind to yourself and as time passes the pain will lessen and you can remember Margaret pre PSP.

    Love and a virtual arm around your shoulder to help you through the days ahead. It would be lovely to see you post as to how things are going but understand if you just want to walk away from PSP.

    Kate xx

  • Sorry for your loss. A walk on the beach to reflect on the past and think about your future sounds like a great idea. Take time to grieve, relax a little, then start your next chapter. Also good for your getting donations for PSPA.

  • Blessings my friend.

  • Tim, I'm so glad it all went well. Thanks for being a good friend on this site.

    Very best wishes for the future.

    Vicki x

  • I'm proud of you. It will be the hardest thing one ever has to do. But you have perservered and Margaret is now free of PSP.

    Please take care.


  • Oh Tim, I"m sending a big hug! God bless X

  • I'm sorry to have been 'offline' and only today learned your sad news.

    Thinking of you Tim.

    Yes, my fear is that I will be left the sad memories.

    I don't know what to say other than wishing you well at this tiome.

    With sadness and wishing you the best


  • Like Kevin_1, I have been offline for a while, so sorry to hear about Margaret I have no words that will make anything better, but I am thinking of you Tim

  • Tim

    It's been months since I've been on this site. My condolences for your loss. Our loved ones are no longer suffering. Peace be with you.


  • Tim

    I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Margaret.

    May your heart health in time.

    Free of this dreadful disease.


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