We had Valerie's funeral today and I'm now sitting quietly on my own having a "medicinal" brandy.
The chapel was full to bursting with so many family , old and new friends , and those who met her briefly. She touched all of their lives in some way and she was remembered for so many lovely things.
It was a beautiful and moving service with tributes and memories spoken by my three daughters and all of my grandchildren - a celebration of her life ,not a mourning of her death.
Her favourite singer was Doris Day and we chose Que Sera Sera as the exit music. Some of her singing friends joined in and it was wonderful to hear it taken up by the whole congregation - an unusual event and one that Valerie would have loved.
What can I do now ? We met when we were 14 , married at 18 and then spent 60 years together. I know life must go on and I'll try to begin again but I'm not sure how.
She was taken by a combination of PSP and CBD , such cruel illnesses that wore her down. I'll do my best to help others who are still on this awful journey if I can and my heart goes out to you all.
I know the response I will receive from you lovely people and I won't be able to reply to you all so let me say thank you now for the support and love you continue to give.
Bryan
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bryval
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Bryan I am glad Valerie had such a nice funeral. It's a good feeling to know your loved one would have approved of it.
I wish I could tell you what next. I am only starting to find my way more than a year later. That's on a good week! I think this site has really helped me. Helping others through it all somehow makes you feel you are still useful. In twelve months time I am going to try volunteering. Have no idea doing what but I need to do something.
Take care of yourself. By the way that was some marriage! 60 years is a long time. Plus the years before you married? Well done both of you. She was lucky to have met you and I'm sure you feel the same about her.
Bryan she would of been so proud of you all, you were married for 60 years, amazing you were both so young, you married and grew up together through your long marriage. May Valerie rest in peace away from this horrible illness, take your time to grieve, and you can only do it your way, and in your own time. I can feel the love you had for each other. Sending you a big hug. Yvonne xxxxx
What a beautiful couple you must have made ... 60 years of marriage and you gave a very fitting send off ... no more suffering for your Valerie. Your journey will not be easy as I know having lost my hubby in December but take your time to grieve your way. Hugs to you Jxx
I'm incredibly sorry to hear your val has left you,knowing that she no longer sufferers with these incredibly unforgiving dieases will be a comfort to you in time.
Dear Bryan,it sounds as if Valerie had a fitting tribute to celebrate her life and am sure you must have felt very proud and loved by all who attended. Life will seem very different as from now and it will take a while to adjust to, you obviously have a loving family to help you through and I'm sending my warmest wishes to you all as you work your way through the grief of losing the love of your life. Be gentle on yourself and take time to grieve.
I know that I felt very comforted by feeling that I'd got it right for Chris. He would have loved it. I hope you feel that too.
Like you we had been married a long time [ 55 yrs ] and its really tough finding a way to go on. I have found this site essential and I hope you will too.
Oh Bryan, what a truly wonderful celebration of her life.
Reflect, remember and most importantly allow yourself time. She will be remembered by all those who knew her and will be with you forever- much love to you and your family x
Bryan I am so pleased you have such good memories of the funeral. When I list my brother just after Xmas I was dreading the funeral but it was an amazing day with so many people at the service and I realised how popular he was. The days ahead are going to be hard but you will get through with so much to look back on Just take each day as it comes and give yourself little treats. I know you have a close family. Love Pauline xx
Bryan, I recently lost my wife after 55 years of marriage. I never knew grief could bring about such pain. I was totally bereft and half alive for some weeks.
What to do next? I found these homilies helped, '' I now have a 'New Way of Living'', I am the creator of my future''. Think of things to be be grateful/thankful for. They may sound trite at the moment but repeating them frequently they do help.
You will get similar advice from friend/colleagues etc. Pick and choose. Use what makes sense at the time. You can discard them when no long wanted.
What a wonderful “send off” Bryan. Valerie has gone and is at peace and I’m sure she would want you to be happy. Give it time. It’s strange being on your own after many years but there is life out there when you are ready.
I'm glad you had such a warm and lovely send off for Valerie. It is just a bit of comfort, but it's something. I haven't experienced it yet, but I can tell from our other members how hard this year will be for you. We are here - please don't lose touch with us.
What a touching description of Valerie`s funeral. I can`t imagine how you are feeling but I know you will feel all the love and support from all the folk on this site - we are all here for you.
So sorry to hear this but what a lovely send off! It was great to meet you last month and hear about your experiences. You must have been a wonderful carer for Valerie and you had such a long and happy time together before this horrible illness struck. There is still a lot of life out there worth living even though reinventing yourself feels so hard. Love and hugs x
Dearest Bryan, I am so s9 sorry to hear of Vals passing. I have been out of the loop recently as have been away. It sounds as though she had a wonderful send off and was clearly much loved.
Take time now for yourself and try to recharge your batteries.
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