Hi, I am not really superstitious, but..... I do cross my fingers if walking under a ladder, never cut my nails on Friday or Sunday, that's about the extent of it!
Since I was 15 when I first met my stepmother, my life has sort of followed hers. Not that my Dad and her got together for another 10 years. I won't bore you with examples, but there have been a few big ones!
The biggest, which I am getting twitchy about, she was almost the same difference in age to my father, as I am to S. Somehow, long before PSP, I thought I would lose S at roughly the same age as Dad. 72! Tomorrow is S's birthday, yes 72 years old! He was diagnosed with PSP three years ago, had definite symptoms for two years before that, so the 3 - 5 years life span, has been ticked. I know he is probably not going to drop dead tomorrow, all being well, I have arranged a small do, with his son, wife and grandson. Bought decent pressy, trying to ignore my stupid feelings. But how do I get rid of this awful pain in the pit of my stomach, knowing that I am probably going to be proved right. Unfortunately, my gut reaction is rarely wrong!
A very afraid Heady!
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Heady
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Three to Five? I never heard less than 5 years from diagnosis as the median survival rate and now it's statistically 7. Don't fear! Be bold, as you usually are, my dear. Happy Birthday to your dear husband. Enjoy the party! Love, Ec
I will make the most of it, for certain I know next year's birthday will be a lot different from this year, if he makes it. You never know, it might make me be a bit kinder and not so impatient, but there again.......
Hi Heady, gut reactions can often be correct but can also be wrong. I think and hope the one you have now will not come to pass. C was diagnosed 6 years ago and had it for over 2 years before diagnosis. I think C will go in 2017. The years with a 7 in it have always given us difficulties and sorrow but so have other years and good things also happened in "7" years. We know, don't we, that one day our loved ones will leave us. Please try not to be afraid until that day arrives, it will spoil how you feel about the good things that can still happen, like the birthday celebration you have arranged.
I'm not superstitious, although many people think praying is another form of superstition, but it works for me (except when dealing with magpies!)
So I'll say some for you Heady and will ask that you have a very happy celebration and that your fear goes.
X
PS. My mad mum used to tell me I would die at 54 as her mum died of cancer at that age and cancer skips a generation so she would be OK. I was admitted to hospital days after my 54th birthday and in agonising stomach pain so thought my mum must have been correct. I'm still here and I'm a lot older than 54.
Thanks NannaB, I haven't lost the plot. We have always presumed S would go first, due to him being 10 years older than me, if nature took its course. Have therefore tried to not to get tied down with complacency in our relationship. Failed millions of times, but that beside the point!!! It's just...... Oh I don't know, this gut feeling. I hate it. I did discussed it with my counsellor, thought I had it under control, but the calendar is laughing at me! I will be in a better place tomorrow, it S's birthday, if it's going to be his last, then I must make it a good one!
Thanks for the hug, I will make sure it stays with me, every time I start getting neurotic!
Heady i dread birthdays and anniversaries mainly because my family have always had the idea that they need to celebrate by dieing. Brian was poorly on my birthday so was panic stricken and now he has got another infection and its my mums birthday (and death anniversary on sunday).
And for the time scale of 5 years Brian has passed that by a few yrs. When we started seeing the gp because of his falling and other symptoms the doctor said it was his age and i laughed and said he's not yet 70...... he was 78 in February so Brian has had it over 8 years.
I know he looks like he is coming to the final stage but no one knows the real timescale of this desease.
Yes I guess so... sorry... but for me it is true... at the darkest of moments I notice small things of beauty... It is they that pull me though... Remind me that there are a few pearls in this life of struggle and suffering.... oops more poetic... sorry again... Thinking of you both...
Warmly
Kevin (and Liz who has been following with concern too).
Please allow for the fact that even the good prescience get it wrong quite a lot of the time.
(Studying fortune telling and psychics has been my lifelong psychology interest.. which of course included training as a fortune teller and a psychic... study from the inside... Interesting stuff).
Fear with no immediate cause demands an explanation. That is how the human mid works. This lead to a hellish world for medieval folk... every thunder clap was a message. Bedevilled folks.
I am not knocking your record... but please allow for doubt and the fact that the fear of loss is for ever close to carers of PSP loved ones.
BTW: After your last post Liz has threatened to sack me as a carer a number of times today... Please be more careful!
Wishing you peace and calm for whatever the future throws at you.
Oh Kevin, you should be so lucky!!! (Sorry Liz, but I'm sure you understand!) I'm afraid I do come from a line of neurotics! My father knew he would not outlive his parents. His mother died at 63, a complete nervous wreck during that year, his Dad at 73. Unfortunately he only made 72, due to Cancer. Dad was probably the most sane and cynical person I have ever met. My grandmother (other side) could, on occassions, read people's past. I have never believed or followed that! But, I know how I feel and have done so, for a long time! When ever I want to be wrong, I never am!!!
It runs in my family too... The stories I could tell! Here's two quick ones... My first solo trans Atlantic I got ashore to ring home to say I was safe (I eschewed long range radio)... I was immediately told my mother had telephoned the whole family two hours previously to say it was so.
She even sent me a letter to a small post office on a tiny tropical Island that where I took emergency shelter... not meant to be there... the Post Mistress saw my boat come in and after a day brought the letter to me telling me off at the same time for not collecting it.
So I do understand.
I wish you the strength and love to meet whatever does and does not come.
She did... so did her Mum and my Sister. It made my Grandmother and Sister quite frightenned of the whole thing... They hated it... not meant to be. But for my laid back mother... she just treated it as every day stuff.
Whenever I felt confident of an outcome based on experience to date, I was frequently warned ‘there’s always a first time’, to be wrong that is. Let’s hope this is your ‘first time’.
Looking back I can now see that my confidence was often misplaced, not that it did anything to reduce my self-belief at the time.
Please give my warm regards to S and wish him a very happy birthday from me.
Gut feelings are strong, Heady . Fortunatly or unfortunatly they are not all that reliable....especially when I'm buying....or selling....shares in a company......
Worrying only causes more white hairs and more wrinkles and does us no favours at all! (I need to listen to myself lol)
Just try and enjoy each day as much as is possible and my mums advice is to at least enjoy one thing each day! I know it doesn't always work but we have to try!
I hate to say this but what will be will be, we can't change this bloody Psp!
Many happy returns to S and may large glasses of 🍷 for you!!
Heady sometimes the brain picks up something and interprets it as a premonition like kevin1's mum and your age number, do not ignore it but do not act on it it may be coincidence but it could be something. Treat it as a brain's way of the scouts Be Prepared.
S will fight on as you will for as long as PSP wants. If he is as stubborn and fighter as you have described him over the last few years he will have a few more birthdays.
Wish him a happy day from me and have a glass yourself. Tim
You're always teaching me something Heady. Gosh, wonder how many times I cut my fingernails on a Friday or Sunday. Maybe that's why I've had so much bad luck?
Happy Birthday to S. I'm sure you guys have many more years together and praying that most of them will be happy and blessed.
As much as you don't think so, you are probably more ready than you know. Whether it be tomorrow or 3 more years, you will be prepared Heady. I know that the thing I see in B's future is not a better life in this world , but a home in Heaven with God. He has been striving toward that goal all of our married life. His family feels secure and won't be afraid when the time comes. I don''t mean to be preachy but this verse comes to mind...remember Heady this is an inevitable road , be ready, hold fast to S's love for you and find solace in God.
And give S a big happy birthday hug and a big comforting hug to you...don't worry
AVB
But I would not have you ignorant brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that you sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jess died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with Him ....
I Thessalonians 4:13,14
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you
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