I've always been an optimistic person, looking for the positive and the joys of life. I think I've lost that person on this dreadful journey into a black hole.
F is in a nursing home temporarily, waiting for new bed/bath at home to be finished. I go to visit every day. Each 24 hours sees a further decline. I leave him and return home alone to do the admin and deal with all the things he used to. Then sit and plan what I will have to organize for his return home.. I dearly wAnt him home but know that it won't be the same. It won't be the retirement the two of us planned together. Wonderful it will be to share my days with him again I am dreading the pain, grief, tiredness and stress. The worst is that there is no alternative, I won't consider any other option other than home care. Am I a masochist?
No I'm not a masochist. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I guess that's what it comes down to in the end , love. It's very hard but somewhere I can hold on the blessing that is my soul mate.