Having read Cuttercut's post, I am tearfully moved to share. Today I signed the papers for the love of my life to be placed on hospice. CBD is not going to win. I pray he won't have the suffering it tries to inflict. I am shattered yet believe this is right. He probably has 1 to 2 weeks left with us. How quickly the time went in hindsight.
Are we ready to say goodbye? Not even close. How do you let go of the love of your life, the person who is closest to you, your partner and best friend? I am so afraid. My heart is just shattered. I want to hold on but I know how selfish that is and don't want him hurt anymore.
It was only yesterday that this wonderful man came into my life. He was a father raising 3 boys after his wife left, and I was raising a girl and a boy after my husband left. We blended this Brady Bunch together and raised them in a healthy home. The children learned all sorts of things living on a small farm. They learned that in the middle of the night when the cows got out, you went out into the fields together and rounded them up. They found that chickens laid eggs, not the grocery store, and, yes, the chickens would peck at your legs. We held baby piggies, sheep, cats and dogs. Michael taught us all of that. The children learned a good work ethic from their father.
Michael was a Navy man. After discharge he worked in the family business owning a tavern. After his parents passing, he and his sister ran it themselves until they decided to sell. During all those years in the bar, Michael came home from work and did all the farming, planting acres of produce and hay and took care of the animals. Because I was working very long hours in my business, he also cooked dinner for the family every week night. He was a marvelous example for our kids.
Michael is kind, generous and loving. He would give you the shirt off of his back even if he had none to wear himself. His disease can't be cured but he chose to donate his brain so that maybe the next person might be saved. That's him, my wonderful husband. How do I say goodbye?
He taught me what true love is, what respect for each other feels like, what it's like to be unconditionally loved. We are blessed to have this relationship and are very grateful. How do I let go?
I don't know how to get through the coming weeks and months, but I know it will include you. Thanks for letting me share parts of this man with you. We are all people with a story, not just a disease and it doesn't have to define us.
Love you guys,
PS. I'd post a picture but don't know how.