Thank you again for your varied and supportive replies, all views appreciated!
However, I would like to clear something up here......the friend I was talking about is a treasured friend who is loved dearly by all my family and she loves us back! I LOVE the fact she goes to visit my Mum, I'm HUGELY appreciative that she takes the time to talk to Mum and gives my Mum great pleasure. I'm GRATEFUL that she gives my lovely Dad a break and has stepped in at times he's needed her to....she is brilliant and I love her and all her efforts.
One thing I'm not, is jealous! I just miss my Mum. Perhaps it was bad timing that when I had spoken to my friend I had previously called my Mum who was having a difficult day and told me "I can't talk to you today" - I understand that, I no longer take it personally, it is part of her illness but still SHE'S MY MUM who I used to call every other day and tell her about my life, chat away about complete nonsense and this bloomin horrible illness has taken that away from us and I'm sad.
I suppose with my friend, I just wanted to be able to tell her I had had a "difficult" conversation with Mum and not be told "well, she never runs out of things to say to me...." She didn't mean to be insensitive it was all about timing.
I won't be sitting down to talk to her about it because I am so grateful for the love and care she shows Mum and Dad and I would do nothing to jeopardise that but us children (even grown up ones) need some support during these times even if we're not the carers 24/7 - it's still our parents we're watching either deteriorating or caring full time and exhausting themselves and now and again an ear to offload to is nice but hey - that''s what you're all here for, right?? xx
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Katet68
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Oh Kate I can so relate to this post and your previous post. I really do understand that it is hard for the children as they see what is happening to to there parents.
oh how I rant and rave about the fact Brian can be all smiles for the carer's but he has had a face like a slapped backside all day with me. And I would like them to know how I've been upset about the misrable day with him. Yes it is hard not having an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on when you have got to be strong to help others. Please feel free to rant and rave to us sometime we may get hold of the wrong end of the stick but we mean well. And do shout out as often as you need to. And if you are having a blue day (woe is me day) please say so we can give you a virtaul hug And hopefully we can get you back in the pink. Big hugs Janexx
Thank you Jane, I have so much respect for everyone on here and value everyones support and friendship - it means a huge amount x
Good to see it was only bad timing. My daughter is moving back here this year partly for her own reasons and also to be a helpmate for me. I have not influenced her at all in this decision, was very surprised when she announced her intention late last year - in fact I didn't believe it until she rocked up here in late November out of the blue on a flying visit bearing her iMAC as first item in the move. Now she'll land on Tuesday with 45kg of check-in baggage as the next instalment. And final flight has been booked for 4 September with more excess pre-paid. She is my daughter, and only child, from first marriage. C has no family but played a great part in her upbringing. It will be wonderful to have someone else around all the time after the past year of non-stop caring by me with help from guests. You are clearly also a wonderful daughter, just carry on as you are.
Yes, sometimes when you're feeling low a shoulder to cry on is what is needed. If someone tries to 'jolly' you out of it it can be counter-productive. A hug and not a joke can be more appreciated.
I'm an adult (child) carer too and mum can be down right spiteful to dad and I and lovely to other people. .it's so hard. The physical decline is so much easier to cope with the cognative/psychological change I find brutal. My mum was my best friend now she tell me to shut up go away most days. I totally get where ur coming from. I love her but the illness is stealing her away
hate is usually a word I don't use , I don't hate anyone or anything other than the fact our daughter has to watch her Father and the affect it has on me.
Hi Kate, you are right, it's exactly what we are here for! Unfortunately, we can't get the answer correct all the time, life ain't easy for any of us, therefore, our replies may not be entirely pc!!! Least you know we care and understand and will listen!
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