Wants to come home

My mum has been reluctantly in care for 5 months. My dad at 84 has looked after her for about 5 years and could no longer cope. Myself and siblings all work and have families. She has visitors once or twice a day and she has made it clear that she is unhappy being there. She is now saying horrible things. especially to my dad, such as she wouldn't have done this to her mother. She is calling him evil and wicked. It is destroying dad and all of us are at our wits end  with it. She can hardly speak but the only words we do get are take me home and all the insults. Is anybody else  in this situation and how do you cope. Love to you all X Julie

5 Replies

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  • How awful for you all, especially your Dad.  Sounds as if some dementia could be setting in.  Could try talking to the Manager to see if there have been any changes in the home, that might have upset her.  Please don't feel guilty, if your Dad couldn't cope before, how on earth could he cope now, with this added problem. It will be PSP progressing along it's torturous journey!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Thank you Heady. It is so distressing that we are all dreading the visits. She seems to know exactly what's going on and her memory is fine but there is no rational thinking or understanding of how we can do what she wants. She doesn't care how much she is upsetting dad. The home say she is fine when we are not there .

  • I agree with Heady.  Your dad shouldn't and most likely can't take your mom home.  If it mums behavior gets too hard on yuor dad, minimize the visits or maybe an antidepressant before dad comes to visit?  At his frail age he may not be able to understand your mums behavior as part of the disease. Make sure to talk to him about this; really  impress on him that he is not at fault; he is doing what is best for the both of them.

    Good luck take care

    AVB

  • Hi

    I am considerably younger.

    Twice I have needed respite because I was not coping... Sudden early retirement into carer role, loads of drudgery stuff, loss and the usual.

    So that was two one week spells in a 'good' nursing home. Not that good really, butr better than many (I have professional experience in this area).

    My lovely wife hated it... the good home cooked fresh food gone, no views of her garden with her flower beds, no moggie jumping up and purring. We were both heart broken, but she is back now for as long as we can both cope.

    I read posts here and it is humbling how people go on every day... I am getting better at it.

    I can understand where your Mum is coming from perhaps.

    My Mum, because of old age and frailty ended up in a nursing home, a small and very caring one.  It broke her heart... shortly before she died (pneumonia the great merciful release) she was begging to go back to her small country cottage...

    PSP is heartbreaking.

    We just have to do what we think is best.  The best we can practically do.

    Warmly

    Kevin

  • Thank you for your reply AVB. We all feel so cruel and guilty. What a terrible situation to be in.  You have made me feel a little better X Julie 

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