Not coping today

My wife's OCD behaviour has taken on a new twist . If I am making a coffee or tea and I ask her if she would like one she now almost always says 'no" but the moment I sit down with mine she says she has changed her mind and would like one .Once , I can cope with easily , twice is mildly annoying, three times is getting to be irritating and four times the cat is in danger of being launched into orbit . There is an answer to this I thought to myself- just make her one when you have one -problem solved. Like hell it is ! "Why did you make me a tea when I didn't ask for one - I don't want one ".Ok tip it away and sit to drink tea - " I've changed my mind" screeeeeeeeeech stamp feet have an apoplectic fit - cat has disappeared in double quick time . All day long summoned to pick up this or find that -"that's not what I meant " - I know she can't find the right words so we both get totally exasperated.Then there 's the TV - she gets the wrong day and time and can't understand why she can't watch a particular program which has either been and gone or is not on for another three days and no she can't watch a recording of it because it hasn't been on yet - try to work out how to explain that when at the end of your erudite explanation the answer is " yes but I want to watch it now " .When finally we get something on she either falls asleep or gets up and rearranges her bed over and over again looking as though she is about to topple over . On top of that two falls - so as you have probably gathered its been a bad day today. Going to bed -an extremely grumpy Georgepa

21 Replies



  • Too right Peter!!!!!!

  • I would like to wish all the carers and psp my friends have a wonderful new year and all that you would wish for yourself in 2015 take care everyone of you and remember life is worth living

    peter jones queensland Australia psp sufferer even though we moan and groan about it I was going to put sometimes but have changed it to most times stick with it and make the best of everything

  • We wish you and your wife all the best for 2015 Peter Jones. Keep posting.

    Nanna B and Colin


  • well thank you nanna b and colin and I will post just as long as I can I am having a bit of trouble with my eyes at present

    so you had better give me the thumbs up matey ive got mine up now \\\ colin can you just do one thing for me mate would you just say good morning to nanna b mate

    she would love to hear you say that mate give it a go mate will you thanks for that sunshine and don't let this psp get you down we can beat this ======== thumbs up mate see yer peter jones queensland Australia psp sufferer

  • Dear georgepa,

    Oh to say I understand is by far an understatement! I have spent many times trying to figure out if no means no or yes and visas-versa. Talk about pulling ones hair out. My only suggestion is to ask, clarify the answer and then wait a moment tell her that you're coming to sit down to drink yours and offer once more. Then after you sit down if she then decides she wants some she'll have to wait. Better yet put enough for 2 on a tray and if she decides then you won't have to leave to fix her one. Good luck!

  • I am not sure wait is any longer in my wife's vocabulary and you can bet on it that if I bring in two teas she will want coffee!

  • Oh sorry. I do know the frustration...Enjoy your coffee/tea when you can! Happy New Year!

  • Hi Georgepa totally understand. Perhaps make 2 teas, leave one out of sight and if your wife asks at least it will be in the cup. that said I am sure this is not your only challenge. I am a little ashamed to say we became a little bit devious with my mum and her PSP, in an attempt it ease the day and be a little less frustrated. Good luck

  • You are right - devious is the answer,

  • Oh George Pa you are not alone Three falls in 48hrs the last one I needed the paramedics I couldn't get him on the camel he was too near the bed with his feet.That was 4am yesterday,twelve hours later the doctor came and suggested an infection I had wondered and saved some urine when emptying his bottle so now he is on Co-amoxiclav which should sort out chest or urine infections Kind neighbour went to chemist for me.This is the one thing you get from his PSP you meet really kind people.He woke me at six today but by eight he was back in bed so I have ordered food on line replied to E mails and indulged in another cup of tea.Our food waste bin gets fuller every week of things he fancies but then doesn't and things dropped on the floor he did fancy.So hoping he will be through this infection by Monday when my sister has him while I go to hospital she was a teacher and could control a classroom of teenagers but Des is harder to control and keep safe.Daughter coming tomorrow so fingers crossed for a good day.Happy new year Georgepa!P

  • And to you although can one have happy new year with this illness - it feels like anon starter.

  • of course you can have a happy new year mate don't let it get you down mate you can do it remember that peter jones queensland Australia psp sufferer have a laugh matey

  • Of course you are right ! Happy new year to you and your family.

  • Hi Georgepa, don't know what to suggest. Except, you could try making pots of tea or coffee, so there is always a drink available. You can microwave it when it gets cold! Not that I can remember the last time S drank a hot cup of coffee!!! You will have to find ways of over come this, even if it means being devious! We won't tell!

    The TV, if you know the programmes that your wife always wants to watch, record them ALL, then play them back when she wants them. Like you say, she falls asleep during watching, so hopfully will not realise that she has already seen that particular episode! Sneaky again, I know, but if it keeps you sane, that has to be the priority!

    My New Years resolution is to put ME, further up the chain of needs. ME being fit, health and sane, has to be the MOST important thing for S. Nothing will happen if I am not. There is no one to look after him, bar me. His son, who lives a couple of miles away, won't do anything, his daughter is in the USA and barely phones. Both get cross because he won't talk, still have to come to terms with the fact that he can't!

    None of this is easy Georgepa, especially has each day brings something new, just as you were getting to grip with yesterday's problems. I haven't got the answers, but again, I can only repeat,YOU have to look after yourself! It's the only way you can keep caring for your wife.

    Lots of love


  • Hi Heady yes I must get to grips with the microwave- it and me don't get on too well. I usually cook as I seem to destroy food etc in the microwave . It sits on the work top in the kitchen almost daring me to put something in and when I do it reduces it to a mushy pulp or to the consistency of rubber !- never have liked the beastly thing . The TV thing is still a problem as Veronica often wants to watch something which hasn't been screened yet as she goes through the TV schedule but doesn't get the right day or time or whatever . But I guess I just have to live with that . I am sorry your children find it so hard to be helpful . Mine live a long way away - my daughter is very supportive and helps out as often as she can although she lives 150 miles away but my son rarely even phones and has come down once in the last year and his wife shows no interest at all . But such is life- I do try to take care of myself as you advise but it's not always so easy is it . No carers this week for a start as there have been holidays and crises with their other clients but I expect we will get back to some kind of routine next week . Some days though you get up in the morning and just wish it was bedtime .Any way thanks for the response its good to know you are all out there and understand .

    Love Georgepa

  • Hi Georgepa, I hope this day is going better and you managed to get a good night's sleep. My hubby rarely speaks now so things have eased in one way but it is very difficult to understand if he does attempt to speak. I had similar problems with the drinks and food but he was always polite, "I thought you would make me one as well". "Darling, I said I didn't want one". Although he was polite, I still became very frustrated so when I asked him if he wanted a drink I took him a tea bag, cappuccino sachet, carton of juice and at night, Horlicks. I asked him which one he wanted and removed that, leaving the others on his side table. The first time I did it he said he wanted coffee and I had made tea so I showed him the coffee on his table. If he said he didn't want a drink and then changed his mind I showed him all the things on his table. It didn't take long before he accepted that I had done as he said. We made it a little game. Now I just take the things in and he points to the one he wants but a I don't need to leave the others there now.

    It is very frustrating but one day she probably won't speak at all and although in one way it is easier, I do miss hearing my husband speak.

    It is lovely and sunny here today so hope it is where you are. Sunshine always makes me more able to cope with these frustrating times.

  • You are always a comfort Nannbe and yes today was better and it is sunny down here and we got out and tomorrow is tomorrow !

  • Maybe we could all decide on a me day , No cold tea or coffee . watch what we want on the TV . go to th toilet without taking the telephone with you take your time to wash your hair and shower or bath . Even pit some makeup on .


    how do typos all fit you own meals in . up until now I have tried to keep things as normal Whatever that might be ) as possible and have our meal together . I keep saying O a going to do a weekly menu for each of us . once again WHO AM I KIDDING .

  • Some of these comments made me laugh! It can be so frustrating as a PA (I try not to say carer as it I think it sounds a bit worse for mum. She'd much rather I was her assistant) to do the most basic tasks but it is so funny as its so ridiculous. I've noticed mum quite often says no instead of yes and vice versa and so I just wait for her to confirm what she actually meant. She also thankfully likes her drinks tepid so I can make something and leave it around until needed. I, sadly, like hot food and drink but can't remember when in the last few months I got to finish either whilst still warm! Haha. My mum also seems to struggle with left and right, the words appear to have lost all meaning! If I'm trying to steer her walker as she charges off at break neck speed and I holler turn left to avoid innocent bystanders/walls/foolhardy pets she invariably turns the wrong direction and leaves a path of destruction in her wake... It really is the most astoundingly complex condition!

  • Omg. My dad use to constantly do this and it would irritate the heck out of all of us. We never made the connection until I read this. Looking back I even miss that. At least he was talking. Thank you for sharing.


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