I have a radical prostatectomy coming... - Prostate Cancer A...

Prostate Cancer And Gay Men

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I have a radical prostatectomy coming up in two weeks and I have lots of questions.

JetBoy profile image
21 Replies

Is it possible to speak directly with someone who has gone through this process? The more I can visualize before surgery, the less anxious I will be. First-hand experience would help tremendously. Thank you.

21 Replies
Tall_Allen profile image

IMO, Gay men should never have prostatectomies. Read this:


I've been running support groups for gay men for 12 years, and I've never met a gay man who had a prostatectomy who didn't regret that he hadn't explored other alternatives.

cpl901 profile image
cpl901 in reply to Tall_Allen

it s not possible to explore other alternatives, as surgery comes first, one cannot try a therapy and then go to surgery, it s too difficult for the surgeon and may leave much more dammage than if surgery is done on "healthy material"

Tall_Allen profile image
Tall_Allen in reply to cpl901

I agree that the salvage therapies after radiation should not include salvage surgery.It is definitely possible to do salvage therapies after radiation. In fact, the results are better with those salvage therapies than with salvage radiation after surgery. See the chart at the end of this article for a list of some of the salvage possibilities:


tommyrobertson profile image

Hello sir. I had a radical prostatectomy 8 years ago. I only experienced a short period of bladders spasms after my surgery. They went away with an anal suppository for pain. After that, I did not experience pain. You will be on a catheter for a week or so, but you should be fine after that. The only thing you will most likely have a problem with is leakage. At least, that is the problem I had and still have. Also, you will no longer be able to ejaculate sperm. That was a big adjustment for me. I can orgasm, but when I do, I ejaculate urine. Like I said, that is only my experience. Yours may be very different. Also, during COVID I had to go back to my urologist because my PSA had elevated slightly. I had 35 radiation treatments and my PSA has been 0.04 the last few times I have had It checked. I have not had any cancer spread, so I have been lucky there. Right now, I am feeling good. The only thing I miss is sex like it used to be. But, I am happy to be alive!

JetBoy profile image
JetBoy in reply to tommyrobertson

That was most informative. Thank you!

NYC_talker profile image
NYC_talker in reply to JetBoy

As Tall_Allen noted, you should think about alternatives. Everything tommyrobertson noted would be avoided with radiation, which has equal outcome for eradicating cancer. No bladder spasm, highly unlikely to have catheter, no leakage, no loss of ejaculate (though it diminishes in quantity, not a dry orgasm). Please read Allen's piece.

LoganMA profile image
LoganMA in reply to NYC_talker

I am 3 years out from radiation and glad I made that choice. You should not guarantee no loss of ejaculate tho. If you have the ability that's great, but not all that went thru radiation as their primary treatment still have the ability to ejaculate. I don't have that ability any more. I still orgasm etc., but no ejaculate. In my case I weighed all my options and glad I chose the radiation route. But that said, for relatively low numbers on their Gleasons, the odds for success are the same. I'm not so sure it would be if the numbers (Gleason) are higher. I don't know enough about anyone's history to make that call.

NYC_talker profile image
NYC_talker in reply to LoganMA

Thank you, very good point and I should have clarified. According to the studies, most men have some ejaculate years after radiation (even if only a drop or two), while there is absolutely no ejaculate for anyone after RP. But that of course doesn't account for all, and there are many, like yourself, who have lost ejaculate completely.

cpl901 profile image
cpl901 in reply to tommyrobertson

thks for your answer. How old where you when you had prostatectomy ?

tommyrobertson profile image
tommyrobertson in reply to cpl901

Hello. I had my prostatectomy in July of 2014. As I mentioned in my initial post to you, I had to have radiation during COVID. But my PSA is still 0.04. Thank goodness for that. I hope you are doing well. I'm here to answer any question you may have. Take care of yourself!

Leeaussie5 profile image

I had mine 3 years ago. I had a good experience. I now take cialis 5mg daily and have erections as good as I have ever had them. Honestly at my/our age most of my hookups have more problems than i do. I have no urine leakage. Orgasms are as powerful as ever. Apart from the lack of cum, you would never know I had a rp. Hope yours goes as well.

lockerroombuddy profile image

Hi Jet....Sorry to hear you are joining the club. I had a RP 2 and1/2 years ago. I too wish I had someone to talk to at the time. Written communications can be a bit limiting with all the questions to be asked and answered. I am in NYC and if you are located nearby perhaps we can share telephone numbers. I'm sure you know each person has different experiences with this disease, so my story may be very different from what you will find in your path forward. Best of luck to you.....I wish you an easy road ahead.

jimreilly profile image

sure--Facebook or Zoom? message me with your email address if you want to

dlste353 profile image

would be glad to talk if we could figure out how to exchange phone numbers.

panagiotis profile image

Greetings to you Jet Boy. You are not alone as I have met many men who have gone through what all of us had to. It does change your life but you adjust after a while. As an X New Yorker I now live in the Fort Lauderdale area. I had my surgery 9 years ago when I was 57 years old and I found a great support system on line. Unfortunately that does not exist. I would be happy to chat with you and give you any advice or a shoulder to cry one. Sincerely, Peter.

billy1950 profile image

Hi JetBoy,

I was diagnosed in 2004 at 54 ( will be 73 in April). After talking with a number of guys at that time, i went with 8 weeks of radiation. Today more radiation choices and are done a lot better…

I don’t regret it and have lived relatively well for years with ejaculations. It is a slow process in having less sensitivity, etc. My concern now is choosing what to do after having a recurrence in 2021…

Besides a little fatigue in the 6-8 th weeks, all went well. Today, as i say, radiation is better administered! Also, there are more kinds of radiation treatments. I had EBRT

…I also had more trust in the radiation oncologist than i did with the urologist in the town where i had it done (in Upstate NY)…

Glad to email or phone if you have any ?s.


EdinBmore profile image

Best of luck to you with whatever you decide. Initially, I was heading towards surgery. Found this forum. Chatted. Researched. Read Tall_Allen's articles, posts, etc. Did a 180 turn and elected external beam radiation and brachyboost (with a 9 mo duration of ADT). 5 yrs later, can get and maintain an erection (no ejaculate as noted by others) and am much better off - I think - than I would have been with surgery. This is NOT to say that the experience was in any way pleasant and not without it's significant ups and downs (ADT in particular...awful for me)...but...the physical lasting side effects are minimal and the only thing I miss is the ejaculate.


Longlines8 profile image

I had mine done 5 years ago now. No urinary incontinence to speak of. Do have issues with ED. Use 10 mg if cialis daily and tri-mix shots for erections. As others have said i miss the cum evacuation the most. Willing to talk or answer any questions you may have.

Rich_Rad profile image

Feel free to join us this Tuesday at 6:30 pm EST for MaleCare’s Gay Men’s Prostate Cancer Support group. See announcement below:

Gay Men and Prostate Cancer Support Group meetingTuesday February 21, 2023 - 6:30 PM  Eastern ; 3:30 pm PacificTopic: Malecare Gay Men's Prostate Cancer Support GroupJoin Zoom Meeting


Meeting ID: 870 0044 4844

Passcode: Malecare

One tap mobile+13092053325,,87000444844# USIf you have any questions,  come and ask!Rich will be facilitating the groupPlease feel encouraged to email me with any questions or comments.  


panagiotis profile image
panagiotis in reply to Rich_Rad

Can you please let me know if/when you have another group meeting.

Many thanks


Rich_Rad profile image

first Monday of the month at 6:00 pm EST (NYC based group)

Third Tuesday of the month at 6:30 pm EST (world-wide group)

All use the same zoom information provided above.

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