Prostate Cancer And Gay Men
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What the hell do I do....

Diagnosed 18 months ago - Gleason 6 adenocarcinoma contained within the prostate. I needed time to loose weight b4 selecting a treatment regimen. At 48 years old they want to remove the prostate or do radiation. As an African American male with a paternal prostate cancer history I can appreciate the validity of this advice. But I feel "too young" to be robbed of my sex life and trying on diapers - not that there is any such thing as ideal age to grapple with such issues. How do u deal with the anxiety of having to make such an aweful - life altering - decision. This is too much to deal with...

7 Replies

I'd talk to as many people as possible and not all medical people. I'd get a 2nd or even a 3rd opinion on my biopsy slides. The biopsy slides are your property. One reason I am so adamant about being completely informed by doing YOUR OWN homework and not assuming any one medical protocol being advocated is the exact bullet to resolve your diagnosis is my own experience. I was diagnosed in 2003. I didn't panic and took a year to choose a medical solution. Four or 5 years later I showed all my pre-procedure documentation to my now urologist. He broke my heart when he told me if I had been diagnosed in 2008 or later "they probably wouldn't have treated it the same way today." And today I'd have a much more satsfying sex life. If you need more support than these comments of mine, reach out to me via this site. Perhaps I can be mentor for you on this.


Treatment does not have to mean being robbed of sex life. It may change, but it doesn't have to end. Fifty-three now and coming up on ten years in this fight. Read up on your treatment options, and good luck.


UnFortunately it did Rob me of my sex life. I had not had sex in 4 years and keep myself in excellent shape working out at the gym 3 times a week. I tried all of the erectile dysfunction treatment and none of them work

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I'm sorry to learn that. Is there anything sexual you might enjoy without an erection?


I am willing to participate in other sexual activities. Problem is trying to find someone that is understanding is easy. I call this the "MAKE NICE GROUP". THey make nice and I can see/feel the disappointment in their faces when they realize the Flag pole is not going to be erected...then use the avoidance techniques to distance themselves. Trying to find someone who is understanding and wants to date you with possibility of a LTR is the difficult part. I go tot the gym 3x a week and complete a rigorous cross fit work out program. I am 5'8" tall, 149lbs, 30" waist, 41" chest. PHysically I can hold my own regarding endurance to guys half my age. Guys hit on me a lot.. That is not the problem, the problem is most want a fully functional male to have a relationship with. Most are PC about it, concurrently realizing and thinking"I HOPE THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME" routine.


You have many options open to you other than surgery, but you have to make the effort of seeking out specialists in different therapies before you make a decision. And you have plenty of time to decide. For now, decide not to decide. You only have to lose weight if you select surgery - find the option that's right for you first.

active surveillance - not the best option for African-American men, but certainly worth giving some thought to. I know several African American men who are doing just fine with it. If you can afford it ($3,000-$4,000) consider Prolaris or Oncotype Dx to diagnose your genetic risk before choosing it.

SBRT - a kind of very quick external beam radiation, completed in just 5 treatments. Very few side effects and extremely low rates of ED (about 75-80%) among previously potent men afterwards (this was my choice - I have no ED and no lasting side effects).

High Dose Rate brachytherapy (monotherapy) - usually done in 2 overnight stays. Very few side effects. The highest reported rates of retained potency (about 80-85%).

Low Dose Rate brachytherapy (seeds)- usually done in 1 office visit. Usually has some early irritative urinary issues that go away. Good rates of potency preservation.

Others include IMRT and protons, which are no better than any of the above, cost a lot more, and involve 40-44 treatments. Focal therapy may be an option in a clinical trial but is all out of pocket.

Definitely get a second opinion on your biopsy slides from Epstein's lab at Johns Hopkins. It may cost you around $250 if your insurance won't cover it.


Decent broth a, it doesn't get better I was 51 years old when I had my prostate taken out. This was disastrous for my social life. once a partner,learns you cannot get erect , the avoidance starts .No return phone calls "your nice and sexy but.....". i tried All of of the erectile dysfunction treatments, pills, pump, nothing works. I have not had sex in over 4 years I go to the gym 3 times a week and keep it excellent shape. I am still trying kind of way to have healthy self-esteem


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