Evening everyone, I'm so sorry for posting. I desperately need to 'talk'. I have been in tears every night for the past few weeks. I am in tears as we speak.
Has anyone had any struggles with postpartum depression?
I've struggled massively with it - twice. I have been so poorly at one point several months ago, an ambulance was called by the crisis team. I was under the maternal mental health team at the time. Despite me being significantly unwell, I was discharged by them two weeks later. I have struggled to access support since despite actively seeking out help. Mental health support is 💩 in my area. I begged for more help but because I hit my quota of sessions I had to be discharged. Then missed the boat to be followup due to their failings in communicating the pathway clearly.
I literally feel I have hit rock bottom. It's a scary lonely and isolating place to be.
For many reasons really. My history is very complex - infertility, traumatic birth, postpartum haemorrhage, poorly healed episiotomy needing surgery etc.
We also had a significant family bereavement (my young nephew died) and another bereavement all in the same year. My family have been struggling so much due to grief, that they are all not talking at the moment. It's a horrible situation. Desperately trying to keep everyone together despite living miles away.
My 4 year old has had a recent diagnosis of autism. We are seeing some challenging behaviour and she doesn't sleep. Getting out of the house is so so hard because of her difficulties. There have been some developmental concerns regarding youngest (possible early signs of autism). He also doesn't sleep. I have had to give up work. Whilst this is the right decision for my children, it feels I have lost a support network there but work was becoming physically impossible and my job is highly stressful at the best of times.
I have tried to open up about how I'm feeling to people close to me. But unfortunately... Mental health in my family isn't something that's discussed... It is very much 'keep going, soldier on, don't let anyone see the tears' etc. I feel I'm seen as a failure because I've had such a severe decline in my ment health.
I've thought about private therapy (seems the only option....) But we are having to pay privately for assessments for our children due to the exceptionally long waiting times so at this present time, this isn't an option for me.
We also have no local family who can provide any respite. Every channel we have explored to access help and support for my children (and us) have either been declined because we don't meet the criteria, lost in the system causing significant delays etc . It's hard keeping on top of everything. I feel mentally and physically broken 💔 but know I have to keep strong and keep going.....
Not sure what I'm looking for. Any advice on how to keep going would be great, though appreciate there is no obvious solution.
Just having the ability to off load and write my thoughts down is helpful.
Thank you so much for listening xxx